Progress

Something happened tonight.

I realised that my joy genuinely drives our family joy. When I am focussed and charged my energy seeps through everyone in my family. (My mum starts being complementary and butt-kissing so I know it must be there!)

For the past 5/6 weeks I have been obsessed with the idea of moving to another country within the next two years. This means that I have been binge learning Spanish, and trying to understand proofreading and transcription work, and I have taken (and passed with Distinction), an online TESOL course.

Being Autistic means I am capable of hyper-focus. Hyper-focus is in fact, my preferred state of being. I am learning so much that I can breeze through every other aspect of life. It's like my mind is so focussed on something positive, that everything else becomes very organised and almost military in its flow.

When I am truly inspired to do something I cannot help but focus on it. In this I am blessed.

So, over the past 5-ish weeks, I have taken great leaps towards achieving what I want for my family. The freedom to live anywhere we choose.

I have found many good online courses, for reasonable amounts of money, being delivered by people just like me! People who just gave their dream a real chance! I have found endless opportunities for work if I should choose to accept them. Proofreading, copy editing, captioning and transcription jobs are abundant! ESL teachers are in huge demand. The future is on the internet, which will lead onto the main point of this blog in a minute, but a quick aside.

(For a few years now I have despaired at ever being able to realise some of my own dreams. Now that is changing. Everything is aligned so that I can finally take another forward step.)

In my endless research into jobs, countries and lifestyles, I came across a job opportunity with a very famous game making company! It was not a job suited to my talents at all...but it was perfect for my oldest son. I sent him the link and he immediately came to me with ideas which I then submitted. He is buzzing with positive energy. He realised that he has a true talent in writing.

He can caption/vine/meme as if he were born to do it!

As he just said to me, ‘I’m overqualified for the internet!’ And he’s right! He has been information hungry since he came Earthside (and a fair bit before that too, to be fair) and his love of learning has been thoroughly sated by having access to the internet since he was very young. He was around 2 when he continually tried to break into our password protected pc (repeatedly and very often, ie every two minutes until someone caught him) so we had to show him how to use it or else we would not have had a pc anymore!

Dominik is the internet. He does not watch tv shows very much at all but he does read/play/investigate/learn, pretty much all day long. The internet is his environment. He understands it and moves in it as if he is a part of it.

Dominik is truly a child of the internet. He is discerning, open minded, generous, anarchistic, accepting, knowledgeable, witty and intelligent.

Writing comes so naturally to someone like Dominik who has done nothing but read since he taught himself at 3 years old by reading Thomas the Tank Engine by Rev. W Audrey (the original books not the new, simpler, modern versions).

Reading and English are his talents. I have always known this.

I am so grateful that I trusted him to know what was best for himself even when my entire being screamed, ‘nooooooooooooooooo’! Adn to be honest, still does on a regular basis.

Tonight I was overwhelmed with pride and confusion when once again unschooling/self directed learning triumphed over what can be an utterly paralysing condition.

I find myself trying to imagine what Domink would think of English and reading and IT, if he had been forced to read, write and learn what OTHERS thought he should for the majority of his time! It makes me feel so sad to think about it.

Dominik has been taking some online spelling/grammar/punctuation/typing, tests and he is finding them incredibly easy.

He is taking these with enthusiasm...a PDA child voluntary testing themselves. Who’d have thought it?! Well, anyone who has a working knowledge of PDA children and adults would definitely know this! When motivated to do something not much will get in their way so long as they are supported and nurtured through the process.

I guess my point is that, it takes huge leaps of faith to achieve the life you dream of but they are worth it. Do the work and pay attention to what gets you further along your path and the goal becomes less important. The path is what matters...it paves the way for the dreams.

Start leaping!

N x 

PS - Harriet has also said she'd like to give going to nursery another try...so here we go! 

 

Meaningful Engagement.

We don't do science. We don't do maths. We don't do music. We don't do geography. We don't do ICT. We don't do drama. We don't do PE. We don't do art.

But of course, we learn about all of these broad categories continuously, in one way or another. To try and quantify a genuine life/education (synonymous imho) is not possible! That would diminish the very experience itself. We could not measure it in and of itself because then it would cease to exist.

Learning is fluid. In order to be truly valuable the learning has to be able to bend and change at will.

For example, I cannot say anything about tomorrow other than that we will get up, get ready, eat, walk the dog, play, read, cook and then go to bed.

If you had asked me this morning whether or not Lily would grasp fractions whilst talking about the time, I could not have predicted that. But she did.

If you had asked me this morning whether or not Dominik would run around the house this evening examining literally everything there is under a black light, I could not have predicted that. But he did.

If you had asked me whether or not Dominik was going to learn how to combine probabilities today, I could not have predicted that. But he did.

If you had asked me whether or not Harriet was going to show me a perfect bow and a cute courtesy today, I could nto have predicted that. But she did.

If you had asked me this morning whether or not Hannon would go to the shop for me...well, you get the idea!

On another note, I also read the draft for the soon to be updated EHE Guidelines today because it is out for consultation until June 2nd 2018. The new guidelines would attempt to destroy our way of life (an example of which I have highlighted above). Our privacy would be brutally invaded against out wishes (right of entry to our home or else risk sanctions). Our family life would be placed under a microscope by an unqualified and unknown stranger (or risk sanctions).

When did we decide that this was ok? I did not think I was living in this kind of country!

I am also so frustrated that people don't seem to understand that the measures that are currently in place are powerful enough to deal with any safeguarding issues that arise when implemented competently.

As a conscious and gentle parent, I care enormously about children being kept safe. What is being proposed in the new guidelines will not enhance the measures currently available. It will easily supersede them. As a home educator I will come instantly under suspicion and scrutiny.  I am a 'red flag'. What the hell does that mean? How dare they! People in glass houses should not be throwing stones.

As a result of the above, my children have talked with me extensively about their rights and how they could be affected by these potential changes.

But of course they have! We practice consensual living! We consult and discuss and compromise with one another all the time so they are used to talking about their rights and their responsibilities. (Another example of something we don't 'do' - explore British Values! Or are these still British values? I'm not sure anymore.)

If you had asked me this morning whether or not the children and I would discuss their rights as citizens, I could not have predicted that. But we did.

I also caught sight of the news about Syria and I find that once again, as above, I am completely insulted by everything going on right now that is being directed by governments!

The public are once again outraged at the thought of dropping yet more bombs on innocent people and still, the government are going to forge ahead anyway! Sound familiar? Anyone remember Iraq? (Apologies for the sarcasm.)

If you had asked me this morning whether or not my family would discuss history and war and democracy on an even grander scale, I could not have predicted that. But we did.

You see, learning has no boundaries. It cannot be meaningfully measured as it is a constant and continuing process, so much so that once it is interrupted, it automatically becomes 'less'.

The more stringent the guidelines are (any guidelines) and the more rules that are put in place, the more the authenticity and the meaningful engagements are kept from us. You cannot be happy and peaceful when you are in chains.

I will not sit back and say nothing about the state of the world. If I won't stand up for my children and their right to be safe, happy and self determining, who will? Just because the government treats me like an incompetent child who knows no better, it does not follow that I will repeat that mistake. My children would not stand to be bullied by anyone, least of all me. I have not raised them that way.

In the spirit of community and continued personal development, the children and I attended a forum about self-directed learning and I am sad to say that I came away a little disappointed. I wanted it to be a chance to meet like minds and meet some free range children and hear what they had to say about their futures but what it actually was was something different entirely.

The event that sticks in my mind the clearest, is when my son had wanted to use the weekend, and a massive community, to make an escape room! He was told we could only book a space for a 30 minute slot. Well, it isn't possible to create an escape room in just 30 minutes so he decided not to bother in spite of my protests that I was sure we could sort something out.

I didn't think that this was in keeping with the spirit of self directed learning at all and it really clouded my view from there on in. My son was disappointed after this happened so we decided to go and do something different instead...so we went for a walk by the sea!

I kind of wish we'd saved the money and gone to Comicon instead but, I had to go and see for myself what it was all about, and the children were so supportive of my desire to go that I did give it my best shot but found that that kind of environment just isn't for me!

I have had so much to write that I'm not sure any of it made it out in tact!
Sorry. It's a bit of a garbled mess. I might come back and edit it.
But I probably won't!


In conclusion -

In order to truly learn, I am more and more leaning towards the idea that it has to be in a completely self-motivated and malleable environment. You just can't plan for it!

N x

Contemplating Snowflakes

Whilst Lily and I were making paper craft snowflakes this evening loads of things occurred that I felt compelled to share!

Firstly, it was unanimous, amoung our little family at least, that the 6 pointed snowflakes looked amazing when compared with the 4 pointed snowflakes.

We asked eachother why and had a nice discussion about nature, Fibonacci numbers, symmetry, tessellation, fractions and probably a couple of other things too! Win, win with a spontaneous and cool Christmas craft!

The snowflakes also brought to light a few other things unrelated to the snowflakes themselves.

Lily found it really hard. Overall. Not just one part. She could not imagine the completed snowflake in her head and even after she had cut one, she had to refold it and study what she had done in order to draw another. She also could not follow a pattern. Whilst she was designing her snowflake, she constantly unfolded and refolded, indicating again that she was unable to imagine what it may look like in the end (when unfolded). She point blank (read - after a huge meltdown), refused to use the second method we found for folding the paper (the one that created the 6 pointed snowflakes) because she thought the first method was easier. And finally, she found the cutting really stressful. She was breathing hard and then holding her breathe. She was groaning and gnarling with frustration. She was terrified she would cut her design too far and ruin it. She did actually do this a couple of times and both were snowflakes were violently screwed up and thrown across the table.

However, she is now happily sat making her snowflakes, her way and she is improving fast! Oh, and they are being stuck all over the house! :-)

During the snowflake making, Dominik came into the kitchen with his office chair, tablet, hat and headphones so that I could do his daily neurodevelopmental exercises. Amazing. I didn't even ask him to come. He wandered in and was ready to get started.

Well, that didn't last long. It really was too good to be true.

Let me explain why I think Dominik then had a huge meltdown (larger than he's experienced in a fair few weeks).

On Wednesday, we're going to see Hamilton in London. I cannot recall if I have ever mentioned his obsession with the musical in this blog, but, it's been there, for probably around 9 months now. He knows all the words to a large chunk of the songs. He has researched it's performers and writer, read parts of the Benjamin Franklin papers, learned some American History, spent hours singing the songs and has generally been very Autistic about it!

It's heavily on his mind and is basically replacing Christmas as his 'event' this year. Everything in his life revolves around 7.30pm Wednesday night. He is excited, terrified, nervous, angry, thankful and anxious all the time.

So, back to the kitchen, the reason he was unable to even start his therapy is because he started talking to me about his sleep pattern. It is all over the place and he has been trying  to 'correct it' (his words, not mine). As he sat on his chair he asked me what I thought he could do to try and ensure he does not feel tired during our evening out to see Hamilton (which is in fact a late afternoon to an early morning in reality) and I answered him.
That was my mistake. He did not actually want to hear my suggestions (turn everything off, have a warm milk, put on the fan for white noise and stay in bed to relax and, hopefully at the very least, help his body understand that it is bed time now), what he wanted was a big hug and some empathy.

Soooooo, mine were not helpful suggestions in the circumstances. They were stupid, useless, a waste of time and obviously not going to work for him (his words). Sigh. He stomped off. Slammed his chair against the kitchen cupboards and slammed his bedroom door for good measure.

I probably should have seen it coming when I noticed that his actions were literally, 'too good to be true' but I didn't. I was worn out from calming and coaching Lily for half an hour. I was brain numb from talking about Fibonacci and geometry. I was excited that Dominik was doing something VOLUNTARILY that I have literally had to beg him to do every. single. day. since September. I missed the clues!

But, here I am now, analyzing what happened and seeing it all more clearly.

I think that's why I write this blog. Having no partner to reflect with means that I have to get the thoughts out somewhere! Ta-da! :-)

Dominik will be ok. I will go downstairs now and give him that hug and tell him that of course he won't feel tired and that of course he WILL NOT fall asleep on Wednesday! And that it is going to be perfect.

Thanks for reading!

N x

PS - Snowflakes also made me think of a friend who lost a loved one this week and send her a little extra prayer. Life is just so precious and fleeting, much like snowflakes themselves, so love each other and be kind. <3

PPS - Lily is writing her first manga! Just giving it a mention because otherwise I will never remember when she wrote it!

There is ALWAYS more to learn.

The home education community is currently feeling under attack once again. (There is a pattern.)

Lord Soley's bill had its second reading in the House of Lords last week and is proceeding to the committee stage whereby amendments and changes can be made before it is presented again.

My mood is wobbling between screaming, "I told you so!" to anyone who will listen/hiding from all social media/springing into direct, offensive action or, starting some process of family defense!

Amidst all of this angst though, I think the above title is vitally important.
I am desperately trying not to lose sight of what I love about my family life and why we choose to live as we do.

The title of this post is the reason why I LOVE home education, and especially unschooling.

We are all always learning and we know that there is ALWAYS more to learn. We are never done.

In my house:

• We do not kid ourselves that it is only during 'lesson time' that we are learning something important. 
• We do not wait for someone else to suddenly impart the knowledge we need upon us.
• We do not believe that all there is that is worth learning comes in bite-size chunks in age appropriate categories and can only be delivered by 'qualified' teachers.

The thought of having to teach my children a prescribed curriculum and subject them to standardised testing, just sucks all the joy, spontaneity, creativity and desire OUT of our learning experience and therefore our family lives. If they wanted to learn in a traditional way, they would all choose to be in school (yes, they have the choice and their voices are loud and clear let me assure you :-D).

If the Lords wish to have a larger say in how I educate my children (or how they educate themselves for that matter), they had best be providing the funds for me to do it! This is of course in the same way that they would fund a school! If the Lords want that right then they need to accept the financial responsibility too. I am almost certain that this is not something they would consider.
 
I perhaps would not be quite so bothered by their interest if it weren't for the fact that modern science has demonstrated over and over again that active, effective, long term learning does not happen in a classroom style environment!

Academics have also proven that delaying formal learning IMPROVES long term results.
We know that intrinsic motivation is key and yet we push more and more external rewards.
We also know that homework has no significant, measurable effect on results and yet it is still mandatory in many schools.
We know that our school population are in the poorest mental health EVER in history and yet nothing is being done about it.


Obviously nothing about the bill is set in stone (indeed it may come to absolutely nothing, although I highly doubt it), and I am largely speculating about what might happen in the future, but I think it is safe to say that child led learning (that looks entirely different than 'mainstream' learning) will be more difficult to 'justify' to the local government representatives when they come around for their mandatory home visits.

I find the notion of my children studying a curriculum completely baffling. Why would you want your children to learn facts and information that come from limited and biased sources? Why would you want your children memorising information and 'facts' that are at best of date and at worst incorrect? Why would you want them to be basically the same as every other child? Why would you want to risk their mental health and well being as well as their curiosity and enthusiasm? (NB - I am speaking ONLY for myself.)

I am aware that I am using broad strokes when speaking about school and school children.
I am aware that there are many children who love school.
And to that I say, "Thank goodness!".
Please do not think for one second I am hoping to ban schools or discourage those who love it from attending. I most definitely am not.  Each to their own provided there is no actual harm.

What I am doing is defending my right to make different choices, and the rights of my children to follow their interests, talents, skills and hobbies in their own time and in their own way.

Speaking only for my family, we are active, self-motivated learners. Our minds are waiting all the time to glean some nuance we missed before. Or to hear a new word or explore a new idea. Our lifestyle facilitates our learning.

We embrace our lives as a part of the whole 'lesson'. To spend these precious years in a government institution seems like a huge waste of time and opportunity to me. Again, just speaking for myself.

There are many lessons in this experience too I'm sure and I hope we can all explore them together.

Please, when the time comes, stand by me and my family and help us protect our right to learn in a way that is most meaningful to us.

Join the discussion. This affects us all.

Thanks for reading my tired, our of practice ramblings.

N x

UNschooling Life

This past week has been an enlightening experience.

We've felt energised by the warmer temperatures and the first signs of Spring so we've been out of the house more than in it I think. Just amazing. At last!

We've been to a park almost everyday and visited Wrest Park yesterday, (all with the Slackline). We even went swimming today. All 5 of us! It was so fun and it went so well. Proud moments.

One trip however, does stand out because it involved a life changing discussion for us all.

My youngest son and I went to 'town' (rare event) to visit the library and collect my new glasses. The other 3 children stayed at home with their nan so it was a treat to be out, just us two for a change.

We ran our errands and then decided to go to CEX and look at the games because H had some birthday money to spend (from his Dad!). He spent £6.50 on two games and decided to give his change to the homeless man that had asked us for some just before we had entered the shop.

As he walked up to the man to give him his money, a lady walked past and shouted, "Get a f*C^ing job.". I felt so sad and angry and disappointed all at once. My stomach took a nosedive and I felt sick.

After several seconds, I realised that I was truly outraged. That someone could show such little compassion almost floored me. H didn't hear what she had said, but I was upset, and I repeated it to him. He was easily as angry as I was.

This event has led to several discussions over the following days about how this could have happened. When did it happen? Has it always been this way?

We have now discussed it at length, and we are all in agreement that the next time we should witness something like this, we should say something.

It is time to stand up and be heard.

The misfits. The hippies. The carers. The children. All of you (us).

It is incumbent upon us to act now. It is time.

We're not advocating anything other than being compassionate and empathetic during your daily lives. We should all be sharing our goodness and shining our own individual light on dark places and dark people and dark acts. Things have to change.

I have always wanted to be kind but I guess it is presented as something meek and gentle (not very me!), so is consequently seen as a weak characteristic.

I think it is time that 'being kind' was seen as also being a courageous and (sometimes) loud characteristic!

Why not? Why can't we be kind, loudly? Share your good deeds! Spread your fortune and count your blessings! Speak out against injustice. Don't just sign petitions! Use your voice.

Let's face it, we are the peacemakers! I know that it is so difficult to invite conflict into our lives. It is uncomfortable and stressful for us to 'draw attention' to ourselves. I truly understand. But it is time now.  

Has society become so lost that it cannot even recognise kindness anymore? What if it has?

 

The following quote keeps me searching, learning, speaking out and acting.

For me, this is what unschooling is all about. The impromptu lessons and experiences that are immeasurable in their impact.

What happened during these conversations is life long learning.

This week my children and I realised that being kind and empathetic are the lock and key to true happiness.

Sending out lots of love tonight,

N x

PS - A friend shared this with me once and it seems pertinent.

#100daysofhomeed

Just wanted to add some pictures for a change.

Here are our bookcases! I have been thinking a lot about our journey and the prevailing theme is literature.

If you all read together, for pleasure, you can't go wrong.

Harriet's book box.

Lily's/family book shelf

Hannon's book shelf

Natasha's book shelf

And Dominik's to come (of course). :-)

Natasha x

An explosion of new learning.

I am astounded by the capacity my children have for learning new skills and developing their personalities.

Dominik has tonight told me how he recently advocated for a friend in need. He described himself using, 'intellectual language' and said that although he had been nervous and had lisped, he felt as if he had communicated his points really well. He felt that the person to whom he had spoken had heard him and was considering his/his friends position.

He followed that up with throwing around the bottom halves of his crutches (that have only previously been used as weapons!) in the manner of a juggler/baton twirler. He was surprisingly good! He could do a lot of stunts all of which he had taught himself. Now in search of juggling pins!

I think that perhaps the most beautiful thing he told me was that he actively tries to make me laugh! He said I have a very serious face and that it transforms instantly when I laugh. I told him I thought of myself as a fun person...and he laughed! We are all going to have more fun and laugh even more in 2017, I know it.

Since the year began, Harriet has said; bed, poo, boo, up and hot! Incredible changes happening for her too, Her self-awareness, empathy (yes, she really is empathetic at 23 months old so it must be possible), joy and love, know no bounds. She can crack any silence with a 'yeah' and she can soothe any tears with her small hug and gentle pat on the back.

Lily is now actively learning to skate backwards and she was joined today at the roller skating disco by her two cousins (and step-cousin?!) which meant the world to her. She was patient, kind and fun even when confronted with the fact that she was now effectively a lone skater, because I wanted to spend time with the (as yet) non-skaters. Cheer leading reconvened today too and given that Lily has been under weather and not sleeping, she met and exceeded her own expectations with her management of the whole day. So happy for her.

Hannon, I am finally going to submit, is Autistic too. He has been stimming a lot. He has been very insular and hyper-focused too. I have always known he has an ASD but right now, it is challenging for him to manage. I think that having acknowledged it is there, he is going to manage better though...as we all will I'm sure. Bless him. So emotional and confused. He is currently dreading returning to Cubs due to an incident and series of events that I have yet to share here so that is undoubtedly contributing to his sensitive state. He also still does not know what he would like to try this term...argh! Oh, and he is very focused on food.

And finally me! So far this year, I have begun adopting a paleo eating style, I've picked a yoga class to attend at last! I've begun my first cross stitch. I've picked up my Spanish. I've started having counselling, I am also researching the following subjects - 'screen time', violent and fantasy based play and cooperations vs competition.

Oh, and the children and I have started to plan some trips! A new soft-play, a climbing taster session, a shooting taster and a potential weekly Spanish meet with a Peruvian lady are all in the planning.

We've had a quiet couple of months, which we definitely needed after the whirlwind that was 2016, but now that is done, we're good to go.

N x

The bad and the good.

I have come to believe that after the bad comes the good.

I am not sure whether or not this is actually a philosophical question (a la Augustine) but for us, when there has been a true sh*t storm, there then comes a precious calm.

During this awkward time of  such rampant and blatant persecution in our country (world?) (whether that be because of your religion, race, disability, sexual preference, choice to home educate etc etc etc) big things are happening.

In the last week I have spoken to three different parents who had just/were about to de-register their children from school.

It is almost as if, by way of their blatant persecution and singling out of the alternative education community (NSPCC report, the saddening, recent (but not current) story about the little boy in Wales, the supposed ' hidden' ulterior motive whereby parents mean to 'radicalise' children, Loose Women), the government have in fact created a tidal wave of people having a closer look at this area.

So, for home education, one of my passions, parents are actually considering the question on a massive scale. This is giving the home education community an unprecedented opportunity to discuss their choice rationally, animatedly and perhaps most importantly, logically (because the success of individualised learning is well known and should be the gold standard for every educational establishment, not just home education), In this article from 2010 in the Guardian newspaper, you can see this quite clearly.

So, yes, this full frontal assault has resulted in an amazing opportunity for everyone. Let's talk about it. Properly. Using evidence and experience and whilst feeling confident in our ability to make the best choice for our family. Let's not fight amongst ourselves.

It is really no one else's business how you and I as parents choose to educate our child/ren. We're all doing our best!

The major point to be taken from these kinds of massive, light-shedding events (specifically the home education events in this instance) is that all choices/options are valid. We can't like them all (some are truly horrifying indeed in the broadest sense of these events) but we have to respect peoples rights to make them all.  It sucks at times, but mostly it is what makes us free. Choice, as they say in 'The Matrix', is the problem.

But, I digress, what inspired me to write this post in the first place, is my current experience with my kids.

This past week has been truly horrendous at times, ('throwing in the towel' kind of horrendous) but, that utter madness has been concluded with exactly the opposite degree of madness.

The level of achievement in my house right now!

The communication, the the life skills, positivity, learning ...you name it. I am so energised by the progress occurring in my house that I am hardly needing to sleep! For the first time in my life I am surviving on about 6 hours...and not feeling tired! Something must be fuelling me and I think it is the children.

Harriet is apparently in training to one day climb Mount Everest! She would surely be 'The World's Climbing Champion' ... in the under 12 months category!!! She is so fast, so sure footed and so determined. I simply stand by her and help her learn how to do it safely. It is heart-stoppingly nerve-racking but it is so worth it! She goes easily and confidently up the stairs now. She can get down from a bed. She attempts to climb up into her high chair and will push things around to climb somewhere she wants to go but can't!! She is also loving a set of little stackable eggs with a duckling in the middle. Watching her figure out how to do it is so fun. She also LOVES being read and sung to. 'Dear Zoo' and any song will do.

Lily has suddenly, and I mean over night, gone from not doing any maths to doing additions of three figure numbers, subtractions of three figure numbers and is beginning to understand the idea of 'times tables' and why they are helpful.

As an aside, I feel that school does this the wrong way around. They try to teach the times tables before children learn for themselves why they are good to learn! It is much easier when the child is motivated by their own experience to explain to them a new concept which they now know, will be helpful to them now, and in the future.

Dominik has yet to 'avoid' a single day of his physiotherapy work. He is still doing parkour. He too has suddenly found the relevant patterns in maths (but still won't work with any odd numbers!!!). He is also trying his hand at his first model kit. Loving it, but finding it challenging for his fine motor skills. Excellent! Oh, and he bought a comic with his own money! Unheard of. He is reading again.

(We realised tonight that we all have our own bookshelves..such a lovely moment.)

Hannon has just simply worked like a trojan on his coding. But, alas, I truly have no idea how well he is doing. I know that he is not nine yet, and that he began learning at the end of October after doing two tutorials with me, but is his progress considered 'good'?

Meh, who cares! Hannon is learning so much, so fast, and with so much enthusiasm that I do not think that the kindest measurement of this is one that means he feels he is in competition with anyone aside from himself! If he is happy with what he is learning, that is good enough for me. He is achieving to his highest possible standard. Brilliant.

He is also still attending Cubs after asking to quit in October! He's slightly wary but knows that I will allow him to stop at the end of any month if he wants to. But that has not happened yet!

He is actively enjoying things now. Partly because the pressure if off to stay and partly because the activities have suddenly become slightly more 'challenging' and it turns out, that he is excelling! Now that the number of 'games' that he doesn't know have decreased the tables have turned.

He has, on two occasions, been the only child to successfully complete both the co-ordinates task (he was also, coincidentally, the only child there who had not 'done them already') and the first aid task! He was STUNNED and so bloody proud. He really stands out among his peers when it comes to his ability to learn new skills (what we focus on most I guess...not what to learn, but how to learn) and the speed with which he can acquire them if he wants to.

He's a hidden, understated little gem. I cannot believe the grace with which he is growing up given that he is enveloped by two such demanding, strenuous siblings. He is my inspiration.

They all are. I just feel so privileged to be on this journey with them all.

To end, I have these motifs in my bedroom. Call me sentimental but they really do help.

Don't let anyone dull your sparkle
Be the change you wish to see in the world
She can do it
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain
When it rains look for rainbows, when it's dark, look for stars

I have more than those but they are the only ones I can read from where I am sitting! :-)

My hope is that you feel inspired by this to consider your own challenges and demands in a slightly different way for a moment or two.

Without the bad, I wouldn't have the good.

Sleep well.

N x

PS - I am tired now but I want to publish, so please excuse any typos. :-)

All arguments are NOT created equal!

Just a quick thought really (I'm sleepy).

Not all arguments are created equally.

Sometimes my kids and I argue/bicker/fight/disagree and any other adjectives you can think of for being of opposing views.

These events can manifest in many different ways. Shouting. Stomping. Slamming. Throwing. Screaming. Stand(ing) off (or is it stand offing). Hitting. And probably more I'm sure. You get the idea right?

But sometimes, just sometimes, they (we) are arguing in a way that is different to the ways listed above.

They (we) are actually having a discussion about something outside of their (our) own lives. It is incredible to witness (be part of) and I am sure that these discussions become more coherent and more structured the more of the 'less desirable' types of scuffles they actually have! To have a discussion, the more information you have to draw from, the better things are for you. My kids are learning this as they move away from violence and frustration towards discussion and negotiation.

It is more than just opinions, gossip, finger-pointing, name-calling, childish disagreements etc. It is 'grown-up' (eurgh) and 'mature' (eurgh) arguing!

I'm not sure whether or not this phenomenon (at ages 8 and 6) is brought about by us being in a different environment to most (accepting, familiar, comforting, safe, loving) or whether or not most 6-8 year olds do this too? I sure do hope they all do! It is so interesting to be a part of and really bodes well for the future.

But, when my middle two children disagree, it can go every which way and therefore, sometimes, thankfully, does go the way of adult (eurgh) discourse (picture Sorkin, the Wachowskis etc). It is civil, structured, to the point, well reasoned and interesting to listen to. They ask one another poignant questions. They use persuasive language. They negotiate every little detail. They are always on the lookout for the catch!

I'm not sure any of this will work in their favour in the short-term to be honest, given how patronising adults are in general towards children, but, for the time being at least, they are articulate and curious and learning lots...yay!

Maybe that is why we love our unschooling so much? Having got rid of any preconceived ideas that because I have been alive longer, I know more, the children's arguments all become 'valid'.

By the time my kids make their way out properly into the world they will simply have learned to accept and be themselves because they have been allowed to be (without fear of further reprisal maybe because my house does not endorse 'punishment' for punnishments sake)?

My house teaches you that no one knows more about you than you do.

If you know yourself, you're more than capable of disagreeing calmly and patiently and this is because you do not feel threatened in any way. You know who you are and you are competing with no one but yourself from yesterday.

You are not attached to the thoughts/opinions that you may have formed over the years. You understand that they are transitory.

You are simply attached to your right to have those thoughts and opinions and your right to articulate them.

If new information arises, great! More to think about and consider. Win win situation so long as you are not too attached to your existing thoughts.

So in my opinion, all arguments are not created 'equal' but they are all valid forms of expression which clearly serve a purpose.

They move you towards self-knowldge.

Food for thought.

N x

PS - Just in case you are going away with the impression that my kids (and I) argue a lot, let me put it into context.

We are together pretty much 24/7.
We are awake and co-operating for approx 14 hrs per day. every day.

The things we do change. The people we see change. But, we mostly do things together, barring the times D does not join us (he needs far more quiet time than us as you already know).

There is a fight of some description probably every day, yes.

There are 5 of us in our house (one of them being a 6 month old baby who is obviously always reasonable and easy to deal with), plus a carpet-destroying cat (don't even get me started) and an incontinent elderly American Bulldog (urgh..laugh if you like but you'd hate it too). Things can get hectic!

But, I reckon, if you a divided the number of fights by the number of hours spent together, and then compared that number to a more typical population, we'd look pretty impressive.

Summer so far.

Summer so far, aside from being a bit of a wash out, has been interesting!

Hannon, Lily, Harriet and I have made more than a few trips to Houghton House after discovering that it is brilliant for role playing games. The kids have really let loose and played Batman, Avatar and countless other chase games/shooting games/hiding games/mystery games and ghost hunting games. They have played for hours on end in the beautiful surroundings of Central Bedfordshire.

To be honest, I'm a bit worried that the local residents might think we are 'casing the joint' for some big job as we have been there so often, mostly at sunset!

But, wow, to have them voluntarily leaving the house and running around outside regardless of the weather has been magical and it is a nice reminder of why we love the Summer so much.

In other news, Dominik called the police to come to our house. Not so great. No.

He told the dispatch lady that I had 'tried to strangle his face' and that he was being assaulted. Sigh. I am more than willing to confess that yes, I did lunge at him (but that I lunged at him due to tripping over the end of his bed) whilst trying to take away his controller and headset in order to stop him playing a game which was causing him so much anxiety that he could no longer distinguish reality from fiction. Shit.

About half way through the call he realised what he had done and began back-tracking at a remarkable rate, but obviously this was to no avail. The dispatch lady explained to him that she had a duty to send an officer to our house.

Lily went into instant meltdown imaging the worst and fearing that I would be arrested and Dominik was almost suicidal thinking about the potential consequences.

The male officer arrived within ten minutes of Dominik making the call and he was professional, courteous and friendly to us all.

He listened to what we all had to say and took the time to explain to Dominik that what he had actually done was waste police time for what was essentially a fight with his mum over his computer game.

Domink was embarrassed and upset but handled it well overall. I was embarrassed and upset but also grateful at the speedy response and the understanding shown by the officer.

All's well that ends well I guess. I think Dominik would hesitate before doing it again and I do think he learned this lesson. It has always been one of my greatest fears if I'm honest so I'm glad it is out of the way now!

I should add though, that the officer did tell Domink that he should call again if he felt genuinely threatened by anyone (including me).

Ummm, what else? Well, we bought a little tent for our back garden and have had some great fun sleeping out and playing games in it during the rainy days. Hannon has discovered that he can read Harry Potter by himself. Lily has just had her first ever day out without me (or anyone else she is related to) and it went really well overall. She did hide in the toilet on two occasions during the day and she had a massive meltdown once she was home but that is to be expected I think. I'm just so proud of her for wanting to do it and managing to too!

We've already been on our holiday to Scratby as well. That was a beautiful five days away. We did lots of swimming (Lily can now swim on her back) and we went to the beach and Great Yarmouth Pleasure Beach too. It all went by without incident but that is mostly because Dominik did not come with us. He chose to stay at home with my mum and the animals.

He told me that whilst we were away he did not have a single meltdown nor did he lose his temper or swear (my mum agreed) and he made a point of telling me that he should have been an only child. Oops.

Dominik just likes to be left alone and he loves the quiet.

I do feel awful when I hear this from him because I just feel so guilty that we can't do more. I obviously cannot make the house silent at all times and I obviously cannot vanish my other children but I wish I could, just for him. I'd make him a giant soundproof bubble if I could.

Although, he is very lucky I guess because he does get so much down time. He does not have to contend with school, shopping trips, visits to relatives, day trips etc etc if he does not want to and I suppose it must be helping.

This week he and I focussed on his self-esteem. He admitted to me that he does not often like himself and that he is completely unsure of how it feels to be truly, intrinsically happy. We talked about dopamine and what it does and we discussed how his computer creates that hormone for him and therefore ensures his 'happiness'.

Dominik knows that he needs to learn how to be happy in himself and without any external stimulation but he also knows that at this time, it is not possible. He knows that he is at increased risk of becoming a lifelong 'addict' in some way and he is conscious that he does not want this for himself.

He is also aware that he missing out on so much, this year particularly. He has missed countless trips to visit good friends and two short breaks. It makes me as sad as it makes him happy.

Together we can work this out. I know we can. But, like most things, it's just going to take a little time, patience and practice.

N x

Our latest experiment!

It occurred to me today that it might be worth mentioning our latest (somewhat unusual) project.

For a long time now my oldest son, Domink (PDA, ASD, SPD, APD, dyspriaxia, ADHD, misophonia, urgh, and the list goes on but basically simply adds up to 'hypersensitive in all areas of perception' and 'n'th degree human being! Perhaps an evolutionary step?! Who knows, but these young people are coming through loud and clear and telling us that society is breaking down...they can't live in it any more!!! But ask yourself this, is the world they would prefer worse than the status quo?

Woah, massive sidetrack, sorry.

So, yes, Dominik has been asking for a room of his own. Specifically, the front room in our house. Traditionally, the living room I guess.

I have resisted and resisted and have kept telling myself that it would make life far, far worse as he would then have to self regulate his computer usage, his space and his time alone. Massive changes. Big gulp.

So, back in May, I finally agreed, on the proviso that he gave me his months allowance toward the furniture, bed and mattress and that he helped me moving his things into his new room. He agreed and we bought what we needed.

We then came to a hurdle. I did not have anyone who would be able to help me move the big sofa upstairs to what has now become our sitting room/living room/Hannon (and oftentimes, Lily's) bedroom.

I soon bit the bullet (amidst all the nagging from Dominik) at the beginning of June and paid someone. He did a few other jobs that had been depressing me too so overall, I guess it made us all feel much better!

Dominik moved downstairs just over two weeks ago.

The first few days were very rocky!!! I was stupid enough to push my luck and unfortunately, Dominik had a massive meltdown in public, which he hasn't done in an extremely long time.

I'd forgotten what they were like to be honest and I don't miss them one bit!

So, yes, I encouraged him to come out with us on 'moving day', even though he had already struggled to hold it together all morning and had been particularly dictatorial. Sigh, When will I learn?

He really wanted to please me (as a thank you for getting his room done) so he made himself come.

Well, yup, we learnt a valuable lesson at the same moment that day and it has changed our relationship in a big way and for the better. We both now know to be more mindful and to not try to be 'normal' even when it appears to be the right thing to do. We knew we had tried too hard and we failed.

Right moving on. Since that first day, life has changed.

Dominik is spending more time out of his 'room' than ever before! He even sat in our new living room and watched a WHOLE MOVIE with us! Without freaking out and spoiling it for everyone (do your kids who are on the spectrum do that, or is it peculiar to just mine)? He did meltdown as soon as I left to get everyone a drink but, nevertheless, it was a massive improvement.

He is choosing how he spends his time really well. Yes, he is still playing a lot, but it is different now. With the constant threat of it being taken away gone, he is clinging to it far less ferociously.

He will eat with me.
He will come and chat with me in the kitchen.
He came out for TWO picnics over the last week.
He played a game with me!!
He is a godsend when it comes to helping me with Harriet. He is by far the most amazing with her....she always laughs for him! She adores her biggest brother and he her.

Hmmm, he did have a meltdown yesterday though.
He desperately wanted to see 'Minions' and I said yes without hesitating and booked us tickets Thursday and we went Friday.

Well, he lost the plot before we left because we wore minion glasses and Lily went one step further and face painted herself yellow!!!

I thought it was brilliant and encouraged her. Well, Dominik went crazy saying he would be embarrassed and that it was "****ing stupid". He ranted and raved and demanded to be able to punch Lily or else he couldn't go. He was being completely outrageous. He ran off with the car keys at one point!!! How did he get those I hear you ask? Well, I had given them to him so he could go and get in the car first to try to avoid a fight! Yes, that was stupid!!! Hannon even told me so! Hahaahahahah! He insisted he wasn't going and I said fine, my mum was with us, so he could stay with her.

So, I get the keys back from him and he swipes at Lily, I escort her out to the car and belt her into the front seat. Dominik decides he wants to be in the third row (exactly why I need one, DLA, do you hear me) and I put down the seats and get him in sharpish.

Harriet and Hannon get in the middle. We're all set! Deep breath.

As we pull away, Dominik is in floods of tears.
He could not apologise enough.
He was devastated and hyperventilating.
I told him how much I loved him.
Hannon told him that it was ok and that he understood that it was just a part of his Apsergers.
Lily said she forgave him.
I told him it was in the past. That we got it, that we were really proud of him for coming with us, that we knew he could do it and that it was time to go and enjoy the film together.

It was plain sailing from there, with the three big kids behaving impeccably from there until we got back to the car. Harriet was excellent the whole time.
Lily proceeded to fall apart once back at the car.
Hey ho, we talked her down and laughed about how Dominik is more like to freak before we go out, Hannon is most likely to do it while we are out, and Lily, without fail, will do it as soon as we are leaving and she lets her guard down! So strange! I tend to do on the way out and on the way in! Not my best moment and definitely the times when I am most likely to lose my temper and need to take a time out!

So yeah, I think giving him what he wanted is paying off. My house is a happier place.

Lily loves being able to stay with Hannon (and even though he says he hates it, he keeps letting her come back even though I back him 100% if he doesn't want her stay with him).

Hannon loves that I can go and sit with him lots more during the day :-)
He can read for me now too in a quiet, comfortable space, and that is excellent. Massive hurdle jumped. He even read the promise at his Cubs going up ceremony better than the other three boys going up with him. So proud because when he started Beavers he was one of the only ones who did not read at all. Look at what he's done! He read a page to me a few days ago from "Soul Eater" and the only words on the page that he could not read were 'Pharaoh' and 'tornado'.

(NB an article I came across today adds to the idea of self-teaching in general.)

Dominik is so happy now he controls his own space.
He is even putting washing away, emptying his bin and bringing out plates and cups. Having ownership has helped in a big way.
His self-awareness with regard to his meltdown Friday was inspirational. I love him so much. I cannot believe how far he has come.
He was complimented by his hairdresser this week too for being able to sit so still and being so polite.
He has been going to the shop confidently by himself.
He has sworn less.
He has been quieter.
He has been sleeping more.
He has been nicer to live with.

But still, and most importantly, he really is so much happier.

The gamble is paying off ... for the time being at least.

Sending out progressive vibes for you all.

Thanks for reading.

N x

Some cool moments from the past two weeks.

On our way to see 'Minions'.

Lily and Hannon out with their Dad.

Dominik photo bombing me and Harriet!

Observation without assumption

Sunday we had a visitor.

Ordinarily this would not be blog worthy material but, I mention it (mostly) because she has been such an important part of our journey (and instrumental in furthering my understanding of my children), and also because she is such an inspirational lady.

Her name is Felicity Evans. Yes, I have mentioned her before here in my blog-life, but she certainly deserves another mention today. Her visits are fleeting and far between due to the fact that she still works full-time at Nature Kids whilst also watching over some of those children who have long since left her care and can no longer even be called children!

I open the door to find her laden with bags (as always)! She has a plethora of outdoor toys (shuttle cocks, hula hoops, bats, balls, boomerangs and more), clothes for Harriet and healthy snacks for all (serving to remind me that I must do better in this regard). She never fails to delight us all upon her arrival. She seems to have an  instinct for what we all want/need and I marvel at her intuition.

A visit from Felicity is valuable for me on so many levels. She 'sees' my children for one! Such a revelation. She also never fails to notice just how intricately I manage my household (reminding me that true professionals make whatever it is they are doing look easy). She delights in mine and my children's idiosyncrasies and allows us all to be completely ourselves.

Let's flash to when she drew up for a moment in order to illustrate this better.

I want to paint a picture of what Dominik was doing, literally, as he watched her pull up in her car.

Background -

His little brother broke his television a couple of months ago so, I put a claim to our insurance company and was given the money to replace it. I did this and I 'upgraded' it while I was at it. It is much bigger and has much better picture quality than his old one did.

The picture quality is where the problem has arisen and Dominik is convinced he should have the new television because 'he cares more about the graphics' and his 'PS4 has the ability to make use of those better graphics and the PS3 doesn't'.

Both of these things are indeed true.

However, Dominik was offered a new television at Christmas which he turned down in favour of the PS4. Fair enough. End of discussion as far as I am concerned.

Fast forward to Sunday.

Dominik begins chasing Hannon around the house screaming and swearing at the top of his voice, that he is going to swap the television for his and that is that. We have already been over this dozens of times at this point and Dominik knows that I am NOT going to change my mind. For once, Hannon is going to have something brand new and excellent all for himself.

So, I open my front door as I run past it (baby in arms) trying to intercept Dominik and free Hannon before it turns violent. I scream "Come in!" as I pass. Dominik now has Hannon cornered in the kitchen where he is cowering under the table. Bugger.

I manage to put myself between them for long enough that Hannon can escape back upstairs to sanctuary.

Felicity has come in and as she enters the kitchen. I introduce her to Harriet. Meanwhile, Dominik is still swearing and shouting at me about the television.

I do my best to empathise and console him (this works most of the time) but to no avail. He drops to the floor and crawls under the table. I try to coax him out with promises of pineapple and strawberries and by encouraging him to smile at Harriet, but he is having none of it today. Oh well. I look at Felicity and she beckons me to leave him be, so I do.

We continue our 'Hello's' and within about 3 minutes Dominik has crawled out from under the table (perhps sensing that it is safe to do so?), with his hand covering his face declaring that he doesn't want to see anyone and just wants to be alone. We watch him go.

Felicity then quietly comments on how calmly I handled the situation and, more importantly, she points out how amazingly quickly and well Dominik handled the situation and was able to self-regulate and calm himself down.

She is right. In recent weeks Dominik has been far more capable of regulating himself on lots of levels (although not all as the incident in the woods evidenced). He no longer eats copious amounts of rubbish food, he steps away from the screen when he needs to, he comes out with us far more regularly (provided it is not too far in the car), he showers when he thinks he needs to (this isn't anywhere near as often as I think he needs to, but, well, it's a start) and he knows what actions to take when he feels himself losing control.

What an amazing achievement! Some people arrive at adulthood, with no special needs whatsoever and can't manage to do that.

Thank you Felicity for helping me consciously observe Dominik.

Thanks for reading and please, if you have any thoughts, please do share them in the comments or by email.

Take good care.

N x

A discussion about therapies.

Last night I was involved in a discussion with a lady called Jude Seaward who has always been my 'go to' for more practical, empathetic approaches to helping my children, and particularly my PDA son. You can find out more about Jude here at her website, "SimplyMisunderstood".

She was asked by someone else in the group we belong to, what the difference was between Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and why one might be more beneficial for children (and adults I guess) with Pathological Demand Avoidance, than the other.

I am going to copy and paste the discussion below as there is not much more I can add. Jude's summary was concise, comprehensive and easily understood.

Here you go!

Jude:

"What I have found is that therapy alone doesn't work, or is very slow. I have found that it must be multi elemental so you look at the environmental changes, teaching a new skill in line with their development and broken into small steps, altering interaction and changing the persons approach.

That is where NLP is slightly better than CBT.

CBT is about challenging people's views and offering alternative thoughts. For example, my friend walked past me and ignored me; 1) because they didn't see me or 2) because they don't like me and are ignoring me. So, CBT would look at the evidence to support or disprove the persons thoughts.

This process, if you think about it, is quite directive, and in some ways challenging. This, in its own way, becomes a demand.

With NLP, it's about building a new thought process and skills, so if you see your friend and they are walking past, you can call them, tap them on the shoulder and so on. You have a shared experience in the process. Instead of being an exploration, you look at the positive thought patterns and plant ideas.

The more you practice them, the more your brain positively reacts to it.

So, instead of with CBT, saying, 'Why am I scared? What can I do about it?', with NLP you would look at, yes, it does worry me but I can do this. Do I need to ask for help, or do I have the skills?

This way it helps the child (or adult) develop coping skills that they can use, (rather than with CBT changing what they think) in a logical format. It is very subtle, the difference, but one is more structured and therapist led (CBT) rather than free-flowing and child-led (NLP).

This is why it works better for kids with PDA...it gives them some control and relationship with the therapist - it is more nurturing.

Also, NLP will take into account the preferred learning manner and get you to be more in touch with your body, helping you to realise what senses you use to take in information from the world.

It's used a lot hypnotherapy where a positive thought is 'planted' to be triggered. For example, I used it when studying and the thought was simple: I like to read and study. This was in line with my natural balance but I reinforced it and it made doing my masters a breeze as I enjoyed it even more! Even now I enjoy a book (but not always a reference book)!"

So, there you have it. The subtle and yet crucial difference between CBT and NLP.

After having this discussion with Jude I realised that, whilst I don't have the technical terms for what goes on in my own home, I am following NLP principles. We constantly build on what makes us happy and helps us to feel accomplished. We rarely talk about 'deficits' and 'struggles'.

All learning in my house, (social, emotional, physical, educational etc.) happens by building on strengths and focussing on positives. I do not ever begin an activity with my children based on the premise that they need to 'improve' or 'practice' as these in themselves devalue where their skill level is at this current time, which in itself can be discouraging (especially for a child with PDA who has massive anxiety about their performance to begin with).

I know I risk sounding like a broken record, but, the unstructured learning approach for kids with PDA  is so very beneficial. It is also, slower and it is more bumpy and it is certainly requires a lot more faith, but, in the long run, it leads to better outcomes because ultimately, it is an internal change and not an external change.

If your child, whether they have the PDA part to their diagnosis or not, is anxious about failure and struggles to get motivated if the task is something that has been forced upon them, please consider how NLP and using different language might help.

Are you building on their passions? Are you harnessing their interests? Are you strengthening their confidence and self-esteem by using a 'can do' attitude?

I hope you have taken something from this short discussion that can be of use for your family.

Have a great day,

N x

What does unschooling a PDA child look like?

We (my household) have honestly, cross my heart found, that the fewer the demands (ie, respectful living, few rules, free rein to roam in the early days), the higher the level of cooperation we can expect in the future.

Dominik was at a point where we could not leave the house as a family at all. My mother would not take them anywhere nor would she babysit at night for me. He ran away at times too.

Things were almost unbearable....so I let go. I paused for breath, I stopped trying to control his behaviour and I let him be himself. I ignored the bad behaviour. I learnt about his hobbies and interests and tried my best to share in them with him.

It was an intensive, one-to-one trust building exercise.

Yes, he does choose many activities I don't like! But guess what, I have hobbies he doesn't like too!

The more he trusts me not to judge and control, the more he wants to trust me and listen to my thoughts and opinions.

He is no longer instantly offended by my disagreeing with him nor by my saying no.

He is beginning to understand that not everyone is out to get him.

He said to me a few days ago, "Mum, don't make me think about things because when I do they frighten me". He meant it.

Imagine living in a world where as soon as you thought about an action (and presumably its potential consequences) you became frozen? So terrified that you either engaged; fight, flight or freeze.

That's what is happening to our children.

We need to build their trust and their own self-esteem.

N x

Home Educating in Bedford Borough - Our Story

Some of you may not be familiar with home education guidelines in England so I thought a document that outlined the legal position and the powers delegated to local authorities might be useful.

But, rather than reinvent the wheel I am going to link to some pages that provide an excellent summary of the law for all children and also more specifically, those within special needs settings and then I am going to tell you about our experiences.

edyourself.org - Fiona Nicholson

Education Otherwise

HE and SEN

HE and SEN - from Fiona Nicholson


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Now, about our HE journey.

In England, home education registration is voluntary. Well, in theory!

I did not intend to register my home education plans with Bedford Borough (as is my right) but that intention was superseded by a paediatrician who took it upon herself to report me to the local authority pretty much as soon as we left her office (whilst at the same time refusing my requests for an auditory processing assessment, an educational psychology assessment and an occupational therapy assessment).

I had a phone call from Lindsay, the Elective Home Education Officer, within an hour of arriving home. Sigh.

The argument the paediatrician made was that Dominik was a child missing education.

Dominik was clearly not a child missing education. He had demonstrated an incredible amount of intelligence/knowledge during his appointment, discussing his science experiments and his desire to be a little 'Einstein or Tesla' when he grew up.

When I pursued a formal complaint against the paediatrician I was told that safeguarding legislation gave her the power to share my information because Dominik was a 'child missing education' and that this was permissible within the safeguarding guidelines. I went on to learn that home education is never (in and of itself) a self guarding issue which meant that her referral was completely unjustified and way outside the scope of her 'powers'. 

However, this small detail of legality does not seem to matter to some of those in positions perceived authority.

At this point I decided to challenge the EHE Officer instead and I did make her life rather difficult. I asked to see her CRB clearance (as it was then, now DBS), I asked for her personal work experience with special needs children, I asked her if she would make a video of herself so that I could introduce her to Dominik without the need to meet in person first, I made it clear that she would not be able to visit us at home and I also stated that I understood the law and that I would not be bullied into complying with anything outside of it. Needless to say, she accepted my final offer of submitting a written summary of our learning journey on a yearly basis without the need to meet any of us. That is the maximum legal requirement for home educators at this time.

Suffice it to say, at the time, I was furious. I really did not want to have to report on my home education to anybody! Especially knowing that Dominik (who was the only one of statutory school age at that time), was never going to comply with a more school-based, traditional approach to home education. I was worried that an autonomous education would be hard to justify and document. I was terrified that I was going to fall prey to more overly judgemental busy-bodies who thought they knew best and assumed a lack of formal, written work meant a lack of learning.

Well, thankfully, I was wrong! Phew!

Lindsay has been nothing but supportive and non-judgemental and has (I think) thoroughly enjoyed reading about our exploits!

I am now going to give you a few samples from my reports for 2014. I should probably add, that I do submit more than is necessary but I like to have a record of what we have all done for myself (and for the kids should they ever ask)! My reports also include, photo's, videos and a list of resources.

If you would like to read more, please send me an email and I will send you a full copy.

Art & Design

"Dominik continues to explore his creative side in the kitchen with more baking and juicing. His favourite YouTube channels include ‘Nerdy Nummies’ and ‘CupQuake’ both of whom make gaming cakes and gifts. We have replicated several from Minecraft and Pokemon. We recently baked some cookies in the shapes of ‘Soul Eater’ characters, one of Dominik’s favourite animes.

We have been making lots of pixel art with hama beads which have not only expanded his creativity and design skills, but have helped enormously with his fine motor skills and concentration. He is also still making plenty of pixel art in Minecraft."

Trips & Activities

"Homoeopath

Standalone Farm

Wagamama

Scratby

Hitchin Pool

Milton Maize Maze

Fancy Dress Party

EuroGamer Expo

Nature Kids (Felicity Evans)"

Geography & History

"This year has seen Dominik expand his viewing to Animal Planet, The History Channel, MythBusters and several YouTube channels, including ‘VSauce’.

His geography is improving due to his love of Minecraft! We founded an Unschoolers Internet Gaming Group and were joined by families by from all over the world. He now plays regularly with friends from Australia, Malaysia, Canada, Japan, Wales and the United states to name but a few."

Maths & Science

"Notable experiments:

Fire (exploring oxygen, tinder, burning times, fuel)

Lots of combustion with bicarbonate of soda.

Electronics

Cranes

Sea Monkeys

Ant Farms

Friction

Flight

Juicing

Dehydrating

We have spent time watching the Slooh web cam and have seen many an asteroid flyby. We watch videos from the International Space Station also.

We watch a lot of MythBusters and Ancient Aliens."

English

"He has played Scribblenauts on the PC and we still play hangman and Scrabble and various word games on the tablet and online regularly.

He has begun reading the Manga comic Soul Eater and we have started to read The Hobbit.

We play a game called MadLibs which is an excellent way of learning basic English Language skills."

Music

"Dominik is constantly utilising music in his environment. It seems to ‘power’ and exemplify his mood. This year he has explored heavy metal, Japanese traditional music and Band Hero on the PS3."

Physical Education

"Dominik has taught himself to swim this year and we had an amazing day out at Hitchin Pool. We also went to Scratby for a short family holiday which further helped his learning. He was able to cope with the noise, smells and unpredictability of the environment better than ever before with only one major meltdown during our stay.

He still loves to bike ride and often rides to his Nan’s alone for a visit. He recently went to her house to deliver flowers and card for her birthday. My mum was so proud and she said it made her birthday very special to see how far he has come and what a lovely young man he is becoming."

ICT

"Dominik is still an avid ‘gamer’ and has this year extended his gameplay to more ‘retro’ games. These are often more challenging. They are also an expansion of his curiosity as to where games have come from and where they are going.

We went to EuroGamer this year where we spent a considerable amount of time in the retro games arcade where Dominik was able to ask questions of the stall holders and experience how gaming happened in the early 1980’s. It was a great learning experience on all levels."

Please do remember we are completely unstructured and autonomous and yet the learning flows easily (even with a PDA child).

Finally, I would like to emphasise the importance of being pro-active with the LA if you should choose to register (or you deregister). We were recently invited to be part of a working group here in Bedford Borough to redraft our home education guidelines and policies and bring them into line with the government guidelines and other examples of best practice.

It was productive and useful for all concerned and I sincerely hope that all those considering HE in Bedford will receive a warm welcome and lots of support and encouragement.

Thanks for reading! I do hope this was useful.

N x