UNschooling Life

This past week has been an enlightening experience.

We've felt energised by the warmer temperatures and the first signs of Spring so we've been out of the house more than in it I think. Just amazing. At last!

We've been to a park almost everyday and visited Wrest Park yesterday, (all with the Slackline). We even went swimming today. All 5 of us! It was so fun and it went so well. Proud moments.

One trip however, does stand out because it involved a life changing discussion for us all.

My youngest son and I went to 'town' (rare event) to visit the library and collect my new glasses. The other 3 children stayed at home with their nan so it was a treat to be out, just us two for a change.

We ran our errands and then decided to go to CEX and look at the games because H had some birthday money to spend (from his Dad!). He spent £6.50 on two games and decided to give his change to the homeless man that had asked us for some just before we had entered the shop.

As he walked up to the man to give him his money, a lady walked past and shouted, "Get a f*C^ing job.". I felt so sad and angry and disappointed all at once. My stomach took a nosedive and I felt sick.

After several seconds, I realised that I was truly outraged. That someone could show such little compassion almost floored me. H didn't hear what she had said, but I was upset, and I repeated it to him. He was easily as angry as I was.

This event has led to several discussions over the following days about how this could have happened. When did it happen? Has it always been this way?

We have now discussed it at length, and we are all in agreement that the next time we should witness something like this, we should say something.

It is time to stand up and be heard.

The misfits. The hippies. The carers. The children. All of you (us).

It is incumbent upon us to act now. It is time.

We're not advocating anything other than being compassionate and empathetic during your daily lives. We should all be sharing our goodness and shining our own individual light on dark places and dark people and dark acts. Things have to change.

I have always wanted to be kind but I guess it is presented as something meek and gentle (not very me!), so is consequently seen as a weak characteristic.

I think it is time that 'being kind' was seen as also being a courageous and (sometimes) loud characteristic!

Why not? Why can't we be kind, loudly? Share your good deeds! Spread your fortune and count your blessings! Speak out against injustice. Don't just sign petitions! Use your voice.

Let's face it, we are the peacemakers! I know that it is so difficult to invite conflict into our lives. It is uncomfortable and stressful for us to 'draw attention' to ourselves. I truly understand. But it is time now.  

Has society become so lost that it cannot even recognise kindness anymore? What if it has?

 

The following quote keeps me searching, learning, speaking out and acting.

For me, this is what unschooling is all about. The impromptu lessons and experiences that are immeasurable in their impact.

What happened during these conversations is life long learning.

This week my children and I realised that being kind and empathetic are the lock and key to true happiness.

Sending out lots of love tonight,

N x

PS - A friend shared this with me once and it seems pertinent.

Building the New.

This encapsulates my life philosophy. I genuinely believe that my efforts are best placed in creating new 'stuff'. Be it thoughts, people, ideas, relationships, habits etc etc. I have never described myself as creative, but it turns out that I am! I only want to create new 'systems'. It thrills me. I think that is why the complex and completely meaningful relationships in my house fascinate me so much.

Anyway, during a conversation about school choices, I had these thoughts and things to say about what is going with us 5 at the moment.

Here is what I wrote. I wrote this to a friend, before I decided it would be a blog post so it is as honest as it gets!

Enjoy!

"Hey, So, which one did they choose? I'm dying to know! I used to work in all of them many moons ago.

They made a really big decision and it sounds like they have been empowered by the experience. It reminds me of me! When I was that age I had the choice of going to Bedford Academy (John Bunyan as it was) or Dame Alice (now merged with Bedford Modern but still a private school). I chose Dame Alice because even thought there was an exam and I would be going completely alone, it was still a safer, more predictable, more academic choice.

If I had gone to John Bunyan with my 'friends' I cannot even begin to imagine the different route my life would have taken.

It still wasn't easy and there were still mornings when my mum would have to sit in the car with me outside school and wait for me to stop crying and calm down enough to actually go in! But, go in I did, most of the time.

I switched again for my 'A' Levels to go to Sharnbrook. Now that transition was far from easy. I was back among all the kind of people who bullied me in my middle school!

{I edited out two paragraphs for privacy.}
We seem to be pretty busy. I'm not coping well with it but we are doing it! We have never had so many organised activities (4 per week) and trying to fit in 'quality' time is more difficult because I have so much more to do. Trying to get them all to comply and enjoy is hard going!

Dominik has a wobble every week at parkour. He has a meltdown within the first hour every week guaranteed. It is heartbreaking but he hasn't given up yet and is just beginning to see an improvement so I honeslty hope he decides to keep it up after half term. Feels like a test!

Hannon is coding his own video games which improve by the day! It is incredible to watch and he surpassed what I had learned in less than 24 hours!! He has taken to it like a duck to water. He has about 5 different pieces of game making software on his pc but this is the first one that has really worked for his learning style. So, after about 4 months of trial and error (and money!) he has finally found his niche...and it was free! lol [ETA - He is even drawing all of his own pictures which is a first as he doesn't even voluntarily write with a pencil. Whilst the rest are drawing, he has always resolutely refused. Until now! He is experimenting with drawing on the computer and even 3D drawing like he never could in real life. I think he has overcome a big fear in doing this. He even said he thinks he might start trying with a pencil in the future. I am so proud of him taking charge of what works for him. Lily has even let him borrow her graphics tablet in case he wants to try with a pen.]

Lily is reading like a pro! She is just flying through it now and she is even asking to learn Spanish! We wrote down all the ways I could think of to say 'I love you' in different languages last night. It was great fun, 

Although, to coincide with Lily's rapid developmental spurt, we have also had a complete regression to the aggression and violence.

I have come to accept that it is the price we pay for big leaps. It puts a lot of stress on her system and she falls apart a little at the seams. We're all doing our best to support her..well, except Hannon who mostly wants to torment her a little more. Grrr.

And Harriet! She is awesome. Teeth 9 and 10 on their way. Crawling brilliantly (although more of a drag than a crawl...think legless zombie!) and she has just started cruising the furniture! I had forgotten how scary this bit is but she is doing marvellously and takes the odd tumble with grace and humour! She can almost stand unaided and she is learning fast how to fall onto her bum! She is also loving any food you give her to try. Thanks goodness! I do not have time to cook yet another meal! She loves being wrapped and even tolerates my failures and re-wrappings with fun (that is, if you call having your ears bitten at all 'fun').

Me, well, I'm exhausted and was on the edge for a few days. My mum stepped in and gave me an afternoon last week which was my first one since Harriet was born. That is 8 months! So, well, it was great and I am ok now.

Well, now I've bored you with an essay (sorry) I'm going to blog it in an adapted form if that is ok with you? I won't mention you by name but I will say how the blog came about.

PS - Thanks for asking how we are. You'd be amazed how few people actually do and I sometimes forget that great things are going on here, even when I am too exhausted to fully appreciate it all. Being able to write it down really helps.

Big hugs xxxxx" So, there you have it. That's a short summary of how we are all building and creating in my house! Sorry I haven't blogged sooner. It's been a bit busy! I'm glad a friend helped me to make the time to blog today.

N x PS - I did my hair!

All arguments are NOT created equal!

Just a quick thought really (I'm sleepy).

Not all arguments are created equally.

Sometimes my kids and I argue/bicker/fight/disagree and any other adjectives you can think of for being of opposing views.

These events can manifest in many different ways. Shouting. Stomping. Slamming. Throwing. Screaming. Stand(ing) off (or is it stand offing). Hitting. And probably more I'm sure. You get the idea right?

But sometimes, just sometimes, they (we) are arguing in a way that is different to the ways listed above.

They (we) are actually having a discussion about something outside of their (our) own lives. It is incredible to witness (be part of) and I am sure that these discussions become more coherent and more structured the more of the 'less desirable' types of scuffles they actually have! To have a discussion, the more information you have to draw from, the better things are for you. My kids are learning this as they move away from violence and frustration towards discussion and negotiation.

It is more than just opinions, gossip, finger-pointing, name-calling, childish disagreements etc. It is 'grown-up' (eurgh) and 'mature' (eurgh) arguing!

I'm not sure whether or not this phenomenon (at ages 8 and 6) is brought about by us being in a different environment to most (accepting, familiar, comforting, safe, loving) or whether or not most 6-8 year olds do this too? I sure do hope they all do! It is so interesting to be a part of and really bodes well for the future.

But, when my middle two children disagree, it can go every which way and therefore, sometimes, thankfully, does go the way of adult (eurgh) discourse (picture Sorkin, the Wachowskis etc). It is civil, structured, to the point, well reasoned and interesting to listen to. They ask one another poignant questions. They use persuasive language. They negotiate every little detail. They are always on the lookout for the catch!

I'm not sure any of this will work in their favour in the short-term to be honest, given how patronising adults are in general towards children, but, for the time being at least, they are articulate and curious and learning lots...yay!

Maybe that is why we love our unschooling so much? Having got rid of any preconceived ideas that because I have been alive longer, I know more, the children's arguments all become 'valid'.

By the time my kids make their way out properly into the world they will simply have learned to accept and be themselves because they have been allowed to be (without fear of further reprisal maybe because my house does not endorse 'punishment' for punnishments sake)?

My house teaches you that no one knows more about you than you do.

If you know yourself, you're more than capable of disagreeing calmly and patiently and this is because you do not feel threatened in any way. You know who you are and you are competing with no one but yourself from yesterday.

You are not attached to the thoughts/opinions that you may have formed over the years. You understand that they are transitory.

You are simply attached to your right to have those thoughts and opinions and your right to articulate them.

If new information arises, great! More to think about and consider. Win win situation so long as you are not too attached to your existing thoughts.

So in my opinion, all arguments are not created 'equal' but they are all valid forms of expression which clearly serve a purpose.

They move you towards self-knowldge.

Food for thought.

N x

PS - Just in case you are going away with the impression that my kids (and I) argue a lot, let me put it into context.

We are together pretty much 24/7.
We are awake and co-operating for approx 14 hrs per day. every day.

The things we do change. The people we see change. But, we mostly do things together, barring the times D does not join us (he needs far more quiet time than us as you already know).

There is a fight of some description probably every day, yes.

There are 5 of us in our house (one of them being a 6 month old baby who is obviously always reasonable and easy to deal with), plus a carpet-destroying cat (don't even get me started) and an incontinent elderly American Bulldog (urgh..laugh if you like but you'd hate it too). Things can get hectic!

But, I reckon, if you a divided the number of fights by the number of hours spent together, and then compared that number to a more typical population, we'd look pretty impressive.

Controversial (or not) Christmas ideas. First published 2014.

I thought I would write a few words about Christmas and how it's going for us this year (and it is an excuse to post a picture of my tree which is, honestly, the best bit for me)!

So, for those of you with little ones who are at school, I imagine this time of year must be particularly challenging not least because of the following;

• Mufti-days
• Carol Services
• Timetable changes
• Nativity Plays
• Decorations
• Staff absence 

to  name but a few of the school based changes. 

But what about if we include;

• School holidays
• Visiting relatives
• Christmas Trees and decorations
• Furniture being relocated
• Presents (and the accompanying anxiety)
• All predictability vanished
• Extra people everywhere

And perhaps even;

• Parties
• Father Christmas himself
• Family events
• Photo ops
• Different foods
• Different clothes
• An abundance of chocolate/sweets and treats everywhere
• Anxiety at its maximum surrounding the idea of being 'good/well behaved/deserving'

This is perhaps the most challenging time of year for us families with children (and adults) on the Autistic Spectrum so I thought I would share with you a few of my ideas designed to make life a little less stressful.

It is my hope that they will help things to  run more smoothly (and joyously), in your home too during this Christmas Season.

Preparation, Preparation, Preparation.

This cannot be said enough! Prepare to the nth degree!

Let your child create their own special visual timetable (in the form of an advent calendar maybe) so that they can anticipate all the events at school and at home. Let them talk to you about everything that they remember about the changes and how that makes them feel and what they feel they can and cannot cope with.

Enable them to choose, to as large an extent as possible, what they want to participate in and what they don't in the school calendar and respect their wishes. Be the best advocate for child that you can be and ensure that they get the Christmas they want too. Struggling is not a nice way to live at any time but at Christmas, when everyone else is smiling and happy, it must be even worse.

Bribery & Coercion

I think it is all too common that parents begin using Santa (and presents) as a 'carrot/stick' once Christmastime comes around. Children all over the Western world are worrying themselves half to death about their behaviour and whether or not they have been 'good' enough to deserve presents.

It is my firm belief that children will do well if given the environment in which they can do well.

Our special children are already doing their best all the time to manage without breaking down, so at Christmas, when there is so much more at stake, perhaps we should avoid pairing their behaviour with the promise of presents?

A lady told my daughter only the other day that if she 'screamed like that' Santa would hear her and she wouldn't get any presents. Not only was this extremely distressing for my daughter but it was horrible for me too! I do not use this kind of carrot and stick system in my house as a rule (I'm not perfect) and I have to say that to hear it come from a complete stranger was horrifying.

My daughter had been having a difficult (and busy) day and she was getting to the end of her ability to cope (several different shops, in and out of the car, hungry and over-stimulated) and this lady simply made things 100% worse. Sigh.

So, yes, try your hardest to not equate their behaviour with good/bad....they are trying their best.

Shopping/Trips

Please, please, please, unless you have absolutely no choice (or alternatively, they want to come along), let them stay at home! The world is a crappy place for those of us who shun noise, smells, lights, people, being touched and garishness right now! Unless your little one wants to plan a trip (and gets complete autonomy over what happens on that trip, including when to call it quits), don't make them come along.

Visitors

Keep the number of visiting friends and relations to an minimum, or, at the very least, let your child hide out in their room (or in the room that is most comfortable for them) and do not force them to socialise if they don't want to.

As an Aspie adult I can tell you, being made to kiss, hug and chat to people who are basically a load of strangers, is traumatic and exhausting and certainly not 'fun'!

Please be an advocate for your child and warn any visitors, that if they are bringing presents, to expect them to be unwrapped on sight if they are seen by said children! If they do not wish for this to happen then should wait for the opportunity to 'sneak' them in unseen when they can be safely hidden and not add to the anticipation that our children are already feeling with regard to unopened presents.

Also, tell these same visitors what treats/sweets/foods are acceptable in advance so you don't have repeated meltdowns over food.

If you can, decline any invitations that are non-essential. Visiting lots of different homes is stress-inducing due to the amount of unpredictability.

If you do over-do it our little ones will soon unravel and will not have a chance to regroup and recover, and will therefore end up not enjoying the best bits that Christmas has to offer.

Decorating

Allow your child/children to take whatever role they wish in decorating the house and tree (or not). If they are anxious about decorations perhaps put them up as late as you can in family areas and allow any other children to decorate their rooms so that they don't miss out.


I guess you may be curious as to how things are going with my brood in the run up to Christmas this year...well, let me tell you!

• I let them choose when to put up the tree and allowed them to dress it with me (spiking my OCD to the max let me tell you!).
• They are able to make a Christmas List the whole year through and add to it and take things away from it right up until December 1st ,when their lists are officially 'closed'. This is the same every year and it seems to work well and helps to avoid any anxiety associated with 'choosing' and being 'rushed' into decisions. (They also know that once December 1st arrives, there are no more 'incidental' treats as all my 'spare' money goes towards making Christmas awesome).
•  This year, once Dominik had decided what he wanted, I went and bought it for him straight away and gave it to him. He knows he will only have stocking gifts on Christmas Day now (and any presents that people have managed to sneak past him) and this has enabled Dominik to focus on everyday...the here and now...and not on the 'what might or might not be coming' in x number of days. It is the anticipation for him that is the hardest part of present receiving occasions, particularly Christmas, with the Advent Calendar, people constantly asking about his list, people coming to drop off presents and being offended when he wants to open them in the instant he sees them, and of course, people reminding him to be 'good'. So, as much as I get lots of 'tutting' and 'sighing' from friends and relations, I don't care. He is not spoilt. He is happy and calm. This makes for a happier and calmer time for us all but especially for him. Phew. 

I have implemented all of what I have listed above and, touch wood, so far, this has been by far and away the most amazing build up to Christmas there has ever been in my house.

It is a magical time of year so here's hoping it is for all of your families too.

Merry Christmas!

N x

Is your Aspie a born gamer?

So, as I am sure many of you know, a large number of Aspies seem to arrive with an inbuilt love of technology and all things digital.

My oldest son is no exception!

I have found that above all else, gaming is the best way to engage him in true, meaningful learning experiences that are self-motivated and highly rewarding (the virtual trophies, the new high scores, the online competition and the ultimate goal of game completion).

I have often felt conflicted about the benefits of gaming and about the level of his obsession,but as time has passed, I have learnt, read, watched and experienced so much that I no longer feel any conflict.

I hope that by writing this, some of you, who are perhaps still skeptical, might gain a new perspective and understanding, and perhaps even support your child's less than 'politically correct' hobby.

A bit of background.

Dominik was obsessed with the computer from around the age of 3. He would repeatedly attempt to 'break into' our family pc by trying many different passwords over and over again, giving up and switching it off by the power switch to just begin all over again! Eventually we decided to teach him how to use it rather than constantly having to do pc maintenance because of repeated, unnecessary rebooting!

He had some simple games revolving around 'Thomas the Tank Engine', 'Dora the Explorer' and 'Bob the Builder' to begin with and invariably completed them on the first try so we expanded his horizons to BBC Bitesize, OMGPop, National Geographic Kids and a few other 'kid friendly' sites that I have long since forgotten.

He would spend hours watching his dad playing 'Morrowind', 'Evony', 'Kings Bounty', 'World of Goo' and playing strategy/tower defense, puzzle and brain training games on King.com!

So, after several more years, along came 'Minecraft'!

I introduced Dominik to 'Minecraft' when he was just over 7 years old when the game was still being heavily developed and improved.

Well, it was like I had opened Pandora's box! 'Minecraft' combined his love of the PC, Lego, sand box games, YouTube research, real life physics, multiplayer servers and much, much more. He was in love and still is to this day. We have 'Minecraft' on our tablets, on our PS3, on our XBox and on our PC's.

If you are unfamiliar (or even skeptical) of the benefits of 'Minecraft', here are some useful links:

Minecraft In Education
Hey, Parents. What Minecraft Is Doing to Your Kids Is Kind of Surprising. (includes some excellent videos too)

The Benefits of Minecraft for Children

I could go on, but, if you are truly interested, you will have the idea by now! If not, then you should probably stop reading here as it is only going to get more controversial from your point of view!

During this time we also played many games that used real-life physics engines: 'The Incredible Machine', 'Happy Wheels' (yuk) and 'Crayola Physics' to name a few.

We played 'Bookworm', 'Scrabble', 'Spore', 'Worms', 'Little Big Planet' and countless 'Lego' games!

Using the 'Minecraft' multiplayer model, Dominik moved onto 'Steam' games ('Team Fortress 2', 'Portal', 'Half Life' and 'Binding of Isaac' (yuk)). 'Steam' offered him further opportunities to make new and interesting friends from around the world (some of whom he still speaks to to this day on 'Skype'), as well as improving his typing, reading and social skills (all unexpected and welcome events).

We bought ourselves a second hand Wii gaming system for his 8th Birthday and the fun just kept on coming! 'Mario Kart', 'Wii Sports' 'Raving Rabids' and the 'Zelda' games just expanded our repertoire further and allowed us to incorporate more gross motor skills into our learning, as well as continuing to improve his fine motor skills.

Whilst the learning is taking place, there is another important factor to consider...the family time! The joys of racing each other, out-shooting each other and sabotaging each other cannot be underestimated! We have had so many hours of laughter and family bonding over the Wii it is worth its weight in gold as far as I am concerned.

At this current time we have the following gaming systems in our house:

PS2
PS3 (x2)
Wii (x2)
Nintendo DS
Nintendo 3DS
PSP
XBox 360
Tablet (x3)
Laptop (x3)
Super Nintendo

So, as you can tell, I have now fully embraced my sons expensive hobby!

Some more games that stand out as being instrumental in his learning have been:

'Guitar Hero'
'DJ Hero'
'Band Hero'
'Portal 2'
'Mirrors Edge'
All of the 'Call of Duty' games
All of the 'Sonic' games we have
All of the 'Lego' games we have
All of the 'Mario' games we have
'Skyrim'
'Pokemon'
'Tomadachi Life'
'Angry Birds'
'Plants vs Zombies'

I am sure you are asking yourself how it is possible that these games could lead to learning experiences, well, I am going to tell you!

I am going to focus on the 'shoot-'em-up' type of game as I think this is the most controversial type of game in the grand scheme of things but here are some links to general gaming benefits/pitfalls:

STUDY FINDS CHILDREN BENEFIT FROM PLAYING VIDEO GAMES

10 Benefits of Video Games

Video game play may provide learning, health, social benefits, review finds

Are There Benefits in Playing Video Games?

The educational benefits of videogames

Gaming Can Make A Better World

Benefits of Gaming - A Graphical Representation


So, the 'Call Of Duty' series and others like it, were the games that I resisted buying for the longest period of time. I am an anarchist (please look up the definition if you think it is synonymous with violence of any kind) and a pacifist and I hate the idea of warfare full stop.

Buying the first game (which I bought last Christmas after having had the PS3 for two whole years prior to that), was a big step for me and a huge leap of faith.

I spent many hours watching Dominik playing these games trying to ascertain what the benefits are, as I was certain there must be some given the level of popularity of this particular genre.

He has learnt the following from these games as far as I can tell (this list is by no means exhaustive):

• remarkable hand eye coordination
• problem solving
• strategy and planning
• teamwork
• focus
• communication
• patience
• logistics
• weapons expertise
• history
• military history
• geography
• English

The reason I decided to write this blog entry happened last night. Dominik chose to buy a new shoot-'em-up' game yesterday called 'Battlefield 4'.

As I watched him, I noticed that the graphics were of outstanding quality....such outstanding quality that the glare from the sun can affect gameplay and requires you to plan your strategy. The game engine is so precise as to allow you to walk on girders (if you are able), to plant bombs in rail cars and then close the doors to remote detonate them if an enemy enters the area and to parachute into areas occupied by the enemy and infiltrate their base. This particular game has an added element that intrigued me enough to actually play!

You can download and install, on any tablet, an app called 'Battlefield Commander'. This allows you to join the server that you are playing on on your PS3 and 'command' the gameplay. This enables further strategy and planning, the use of EMP's to disable to enemy teams communications and so much more.

Yes, not nice I hear you cry! I agree! I DO NOT envisage my son being military material and yes, I hate the idea that he is being 'trained' in modern warfare, but the long and short of it is, he is.

And he is extremely good at it.

The benefits of watching (and playing) these games with Dominik are that I am able to discuss some of life's' bigger questions with him within a context that he understands and loves.

How does he feel about war?
How does he feel about unmanned drones?
How does he feel about remote warfare?
Does he realize his skill set is one of a 'soldier of the future', where robots and unmanned vehicles will be the norm?
Does he realise that being able to control machines via game console controllers is something the military are really interested in? (Game Controllers Driving Drones, Nukes, Army fly UAV spyplane with Xbox 360 controller, Us Army Remote Vehicles Using Xbox 360 Controller?, Wii All You Can Be? Why the Military Needs the Gaming Industry, War Games and the list goes on).

Whilst Dominik is uncomfortable with this reality, even he has to concede that I have a point! Through these discussions and many others like them, I hope that (as he matures), he will be able to make the right choices for himself...whether I agree with them or not.

It is not my place to make decisions about how he should prepare for his future. I do not have a crystal ball. I do not know what the future holds.

I want my children to make decisions that are right for them, not me. It is my job to ensure that he is fully informed and that he has a moral grounding that is sturdy. I am doing that to the best of my ability whilst enabling him to pursue his interests.

Whilst people are frowning upon 'gamers' as a group, they might want to consider that one day, in the not too distant future, a gamer might be responsible for saving their life.

The technology is not going to go away.
The horse has already bolted.

My son, and the millions of others like him, are being trained for war and they are the future.

I wonder what it will hold.

N

What does unschooling a PDA child look like?

We (my household) have honestly, cross my heart found, that the fewer the demands (ie, respectful living, few rules, free rein to roam in the early days), the higher the level of cooperation we can expect in the future.

Dominik was at a point where we could not leave the house as a family at all. My mother would not take them anywhere nor would she babysit at night for me. He ran away at times too.

Things were almost unbearable....so I let go. I paused for breath, I stopped trying to control his behaviour and I let him be himself. I ignored the bad behaviour. I learnt about his hobbies and interests and tried my best to share in them with him.

It was an intensive, one-to-one trust building exercise.

Yes, he does choose many activities I don't like! But guess what, I have hobbies he doesn't like too!

The more he trusts me not to judge and control, the more he wants to trust me and listen to my thoughts and opinions.

He is no longer instantly offended by my disagreeing with him nor by my saying no.

He is beginning to understand that not everyone is out to get him.

He said to me a few days ago, "Mum, don't make me think about things because when I do they frighten me". He meant it.

Imagine living in a world where as soon as you thought about an action (and presumably its potential consequences) you became frozen? So terrified that you either engaged; fight, flight or freeze.

That's what is happening to our children.

We need to build their trust and their own self-esteem.

N x