Progress

Something happened tonight.

I realised that my joy genuinely drives our family joy. When I am focussed and charged my energy seeps through everyone in my family. (My mum starts being complementary and butt-kissing so I know it must be there!)

For the past 5/6 weeks I have been obsessed with the idea of moving to another country within the next two years. This means that I have been binge learning Spanish, and trying to understand proofreading and transcription work, and I have taken (and passed with Distinction), an online TESOL course.

Being Autistic means I am capable of hyper-focus. Hyper-focus is in fact, my preferred state of being. I am learning so much that I can breeze through every other aspect of life. It's like my mind is so focussed on something positive, that everything else becomes very organised and almost military in its flow.

When I am truly inspired to do something I cannot help but focus on it. In this I am blessed.

So, over the past 5-ish weeks, I have taken great leaps towards achieving what I want for my family. The freedom to live anywhere we choose.

I have found many good online courses, for reasonable amounts of money, being delivered by people just like me! People who just gave their dream a real chance! I have found endless opportunities for work if I should choose to accept them. Proofreading, copy editing, captioning and transcription jobs are abundant! ESL teachers are in huge demand. The future is on the internet, which will lead onto the main point of this blog in a minute, but a quick aside.

(For a few years now I have despaired at ever being able to realise some of my own dreams. Now that is changing. Everything is aligned so that I can finally take another forward step.)

In my endless research into jobs, countries and lifestyles, I came across a job opportunity with a very famous game making company! It was not a job suited to my talents at all...but it was perfect for my oldest son. I sent him the link and he immediately came to me with ideas which I then submitted. He is buzzing with positive energy. He realised that he has a true talent in writing.

He can caption/vine/meme as if he were born to do it!

As he just said to me, ‘I’m overqualified for the internet!’ And he’s right! He has been information hungry since he came Earthside (and a fair bit before that too, to be fair) and his love of learning has been thoroughly sated by having access to the internet since he was very young. He was around 2 when he continually tried to break into our password protected pc (repeatedly and very often, ie every two minutes until someone caught him) so we had to show him how to use it or else we would not have had a pc anymore!

Dominik is the internet. He does not watch tv shows very much at all but he does read/play/investigate/learn, pretty much all day long. The internet is his environment. He understands it and moves in it as if he is a part of it.

Dominik is truly a child of the internet. He is discerning, open minded, generous, anarchistic, accepting, knowledgeable, witty and intelligent.

Writing comes so naturally to someone like Dominik who has done nothing but read since he taught himself at 3 years old by reading Thomas the Tank Engine by Rev. W Audrey (the original books not the new, simpler, modern versions).

Reading and English are his talents. I have always known this.

I am so grateful that I trusted him to know what was best for himself even when my entire being screamed, ‘nooooooooooooooooo’! Adn to be honest, still does on a regular basis.

Tonight I was overwhelmed with pride and confusion when once again unschooling/self directed learning triumphed over what can be an utterly paralysing condition.

I find myself trying to imagine what Domink would think of English and reading and IT, if he had been forced to read, write and learn what OTHERS thought he should for the majority of his time! It makes me feel so sad to think about it.

Dominik has been taking some online spelling/grammar/punctuation/typing, tests and he is finding them incredibly easy.

He is taking these with enthusiasm...a PDA child voluntary testing themselves. Who’d have thought it?! Well, anyone who has a working knowledge of PDA children and adults would definitely know this! When motivated to do something not much will get in their way so long as they are supported and nurtured through the process.

I guess my point is that, it takes huge leaps of faith to achieve the life you dream of but they are worth it. Do the work and pay attention to what gets you further along your path and the goal becomes less important. The path is what matters...it paves the way for the dreams.

Start leaping!

N x 

PS - Harriet has also said she'd like to give going to nursery another try...so here we go! 

 

Irritating timing.

Every time I get a little distracted and disheartened with life in general, it turns around.

It is literally like I need to hit my version of 'bottom', (which isn't very low!) in order to turn it around.

I have been feeling truly disappointed with my lot lately. It is fairly uncharacteristic for me to feel pessimistic and frightened, but I have been.

On the surface everything is great though! I honestly cannot complain.

We have all that we need and we are healthy and (mostly) getting along well with each other happily.
The weather has been wonderful!
We've had a lovely family holiday in a lodge in Norfolk and were able to visit dear friends.
Lily is managing life so well it means she must be happy and stress free. Yay!
Harriet is pushing every limit she encounters in true 2 year old style! It is exhausting.
Hannon is designing games and creating his own redstone circuits whilst having agreed to go back to Scouts. Exciting times.
Dominik went to the cinema alone today (at his request), gave Hannon permission to use his PS4 whilst he was gone (arghhhhh, never happened before), had a shower before he went and loved every minute of it. So, so proud of his achievement.

The children have all been talking about their passions and what they see in their respective futures. They are all enthusiastic about their options and seem to be approaching the subject in unique ways.
Hannon is focused on being a game designer and is flowing with ideas of projects to work on with his friends.
Lily is drawing and offering her 'chibi' portraits for sale.
Dominik has asked to attend voice coaching tuition to improve his chances of becoming a professional voice actor.

Such wonderful, genuine aspirations that will allow them to live authentic lives and hopefully remain happy and safe. They all want to generate their incomes from their own talents.

They are all conscious that their choices allow them to travel in the future whilst they continue working! And they also know that they will be able to determine their own schedules to a large extent!

I've been talking about creating an income from one of my passions too, so I can completely relate to their emotions. I sometimes wish that I'd been encouraged to follow my instincts and had the freedom to develop my passions at their ages.

But I think that all of the above happened exactly because the last few weeks, until today, have been dull!

Since we returned from our holiday, we have kept our socialising to a minimum (and our spending) as we all needed to recharge, but it has made life a little quieter than usual.

Today was clearly the end of that cycle. It feels almost as if we flat-lined for a moment and then rebounded afresh!

I now realise, that for our family, a natural 'lull' is absolutely necessary in order for us to coalesce the knowledge we've each been gathering.
It's like the moment before you are finally able to make a decision about something you've been procrastinating over! And on a family sized scale!

The learning is happening for all of us all the time if we would only slow down enough to actually process each moment.

I feel so lucky to be able to offer my special needs children such a varied and interesting life.

N x

Problems of an Autist!

Today, Dominik saw the physiotherapist for a progress report and he has been discharged! 

This is as a direct result of his dedication and resolve. The improvement seen by us (and confirmed by Sebastian) is remarkable. He has a normal bend at his ankle already (the surgeon was worried that he would not even be able to get it to 90 degrees, let alone exceed it!). I am so thrilled for him. He is elated. Genuinely happy with a real world achievement. Properly proud of himself. For a person with PDA this is a massive accomplishment. 

He has finally dedicated himself to something and it has PAID OFF! No begging. No bribing. No threatening. Not even any nagging! 

He is finally seeing what I have known was there all along...huge potential. He told me himself that he has had a massive confidence boost. 

This operation was a catalyst for him even though I was so angry with myself for letting it happen. Ultimately it seems that it was for the best. 

It has provided the ideal test for Dominik. His well-being and quality of life were truly on the line and he rose to the challenge in a super-human way.

Keep the faith lovelies. <3

And now, on to Autist problems!

Because Dominik has now recovered (and exceeded expectations!), I need to book our rifle shooting classes! 

(I am sure I can almost hear the hysterical laughter coming from fellow PDA warriors!)

In writing the email (because I don't do phone calls) I became acutely aware of the reality of Dominik and people and ammunition all in the same place in real life. I'll be honest here, I'd have chosen pretty much any other sport/hobby/activity first. 

I intended to write a standard enquiry email but it became what I am sharing below. It includes some pertinent points and I'm proud of my advocacy...I think. 

And therein lies the Autist problem...was I too honest? 

Is writing an email like this a good idea? 

Have I prejudiced them from the outset? 

Should I have let him try? 

Urgh. This is so confusing for me and I have no idea if it would be confusing for a neurotypical parent! 

Here's the email

"Hi, 

My names Natasha.

I would like to bring my 12 year old son along to have a taster session with a view to both of us taking beginner classes.

I think it would be £60 each (plus the £5 each for safety and taster?) is this right?

My son has special needs (ASD) so I am joining him as his carer. I do not however envisage any problems outside of over-enthusiasm and possibly over-confidence!

He has just had an operation on both of his Achilles Tendons and as a result, can now stand properly. on his flat feet for the first time since he was around 8 year old. 

His amazing management of the surgery and his recovery are the main reason we are coming. It is the only hobby he is willing to try and I’d love for this to be a success.

He is home educated so is used to being self-directed. His only other 'class' has been parkour (free-running) and he was forced to stop that due to his shortened Achilles tendons which meant he could not balance well enough to progress.

He is a massive fan of weapons in general as a result of his love for COD games and other first person shooters.

To give you an idea of his dedication to the subject, one of his last full days out was to Wrest Park for a St George’s Day event. He was able to identify pretty much every weapon he saw in each 'zone'. It was so much fun and he impressed those who bothered to actually listen to what he was saying/asking.

Please confirm that it would be ok for us to come along, or if you think there may be a different way to give him (us) a taster, I’m happy to hear any suggestions?

Finally, would you please confirm/suggest dates as soon as possible so I can plan things accordingly.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Happy New Year,

Natasha"

Did I over share? Did I advocate? I don't know but I'm looking forward to finding out.

In other news, Harriet is still a climber and will be visiting a local climbing centre this month, Hannon cannot decide on any new classes this term and has refused climbing, kayaking (because of the day of the week) and archery. Lily is devoted to roller skating and is improving fast. We have a bet on now that if she can beat me in a race before Easter she can have a new pair of skates of her choice. I cannot wait to see her skills develop. Lily is also learning Spanish and will continue with Beavers and Cheer-leading. 

As for me, I'm itching to begin a career. I just cannot decide which area I want to focus on. I am torn between gaining a TEFL qualification (so we can travel again) and following my heart towards working with families and children and young people. Such a big choice...could I manage both?!

Enough from me. There is a sleep-over here tonight and as you can imagine, there is not going to be any sleep happening!

Happy New Year. 

May 2017 being you joy, health and love.

N x

PS - 

It's here again!

In what seems like the blink of an eye, it's Christmas time again. This is my third Christmas as a blogger! Where did that time go?

So, this year, dare I say it, it almost feels calm!

None of my children have asked for very much this year and I think this has had a large part to play in alleviating the usual stresses! We are all very excited and have even agreed that we will put up our decorations a tad earlier than usual. Cannot wait til the weekend!

Dominik, of course, has had his main present already and given that he hasn't asked for anything else, the rest will be sure to be a pleasant surprise.

I should probably fill you in on life after surgery! Dominik had his casts removed last week after what felt the longest six weeks of our lives! He hated using the commode almost as much as I hated him using it to be honest! So glad that is behind us now.

The first day he was incredibly nervous...refusing to put his feet down and insisting on using the wheelchair after a week of not using it at all! We had booked to go and see Fantastic Beasts that night and I optimistically, didn't expect to be using the chair but we had to in the end!

The second day he hobbled around with his crutches mostly using them as weapons, which was a bit trying.

But, on the third day, he put them down and began to walk unaided! He is waddling (a little like a penguin) and refusing to bend his knees but the surgeon assured us that within three months he would be much more confident and competent. I guess the irony is that he is point blank refusing to stand up on his toes! He simply will not do it. Hope that's a good sign.

We saw the neurodevelopmental therapist after the casts were off too to check on the progress of his retained reflexes and that was also great news. His pupils are showing almost no stress response now and he was able to do the exercises far more easily than ever before. His back has now loosened up which makes every single movement easier and far less stressful for his entire body. We have been advised to seek a physiotherapist (not provided by the hospital, urgh) and a cranial osteopath so the pathway to wellness continues.

Back to Christmas!

Three years ago when I first began writing this blog, I wrote a long and detailed post about all the things I put into place around this time of year to make life less stressful and anxiety inducing for Dominik but here we are, three years on, and those measures, whilst still being on stand by, are no longer essential.

I am going to copy and paste some of my tips here from the original article in case they are of use to any new readers.

"For those of you with little ones who are at school, I imagine this time of year must be particularly challenging, not least because of the following;

• Mufti-days
• Carol services
• Timetable changes
• Nativity plays
• Decorations
• Staff absence 

to name but a few of the school based changes. 

But what about if we include;

• School holidays
• Visiting relatives
• Christmas trees and decorations
• Furniture being relocated
• Presents (and the accompanying anxiety)
• All predictability vanished
• Extra people everywhere

And perhaps even;

• Parties
• Father Christmas himself
• Family events
• Photo ops
• Different foods
• Different clothes
• An abundance of chocolate/sweets and treats everywhere
• Anxiety at its maximum surrounding the idea of being 'good/well behaved/deserving'

This is perhaps the most challenging time of year for us families with children (and adults) on the Autistic Spectrum so I thought I would share with you a few of my ideas designed to make life a little less stressful.

It is my hope that they will help things to run more smoothly (and joyously), in your home too during this Christmas Season.

Preparation, Preparation, Preparation.

This cannot be said enough! Prepare to the nth degree!

Let your child create their own special visual timetable (in the form of an advent calendar?) so that they can anticipate all the events at school and at home. Let them talk to you about everything that they remember about the changes and how that makes them feel and what they feel they can and cannot cope with.

Enable them to choose, to as large an extent as possible, what they want to participate in and what they don't in the school calendar and respect their wishes. Be the best advocate for your child that you can be and ensure that they get the Christmas they want too. Struggling is not a nice way to live at any time but at Christmas, when everyone else is smiling and happy, it is even worse.

Bribery & Coercion

I think it is all too common that parents begin using Santa (and presents) as a 'carrot/stick' once Christmas time comes around. Children all over the western world are worrying themselves half to death about their behaviour and whether or not they have been 'good' enough to deserve presents.

It is my firm belief that children will do well if given the environment in which they can do well.

Our special children are already doing their best all the time to manage without breaking down, so at Christmas, when there is so much more at stake, perhaps we should avoid pairing their behaviour with the promise of presents?

A lady told my daughter only the other day that if she 'screamed like that' Santa would hear her and she wouldn't get any presents. Not only was this extremely distressing for my daughter but it was horrible for me too! I do not use this kind of carrot and stick system in my house as a rule (I'm not perfect) and I have to say that to hear it come from a complete stranger was horrifying.

My daughter had been having a difficult (and busy) day and she was getting to the end of her ability to cope (several different shops, in and out of the car, hungry and over-stimulated) and this lady simply made things 100% worse. Sigh.

So, yes, try your hardest to not equate their behaviour with good/bad....they are trying their best.

Shopping/Trips

Please, please, please, unless you have absolutely no choice (or alternatively, they want to come along), let them stay at home! The world is a crappy place for those of us who shun noise, smells, lights, people, being touched and garishness right now! Unless your little one wants to plan a trip (and gets complete autonomy over what happens on that trip, including when to call it quits), don't make them come along. A trip such as this can take days to wind down from even if it goes well. If it goes badly the guilt and shame and self-reproach from us perfectionists is almost too much to bare.

Visitors

Keep the number of visiting friends and relations to an minimum, or, at the very least, let your child hide out in their room (or in the room that is most comfortable for them) and do not force them to socialise if they don't want to.

As an Aspie adult I can tell you, being made to kiss, hug and chat to people who are basically a load of strangers, is traumatic and exhausting and certainly not 'fun'!

Please be an advocate for your child and warn any visitors, that if they are bringing presents, to expect them to be unwrapped on sight if they are seen by said children! If they do not wish for this to happen then should wait for the opportunity to 'sneak' them in unseen when they can be safely hidden and not add to the anticipation that our children are already feeling with regard to unopened presents, and the pressure to like them.

Also, tell these same visitors what treats/sweets/foods are acceptable in advance so you don't have repeated meltdowns over food.

If you can, decline any invitations that are non-essential. Visiting lots of different homes is stress-inducing due to the amount of unpredictability and frequent transitions.

If you do over-do it our little ones will soon unravel and will not have a chance to regroup and recover, and will therefore end up not enjoying the best bits that Christmas has to offer.

Decorating

Allow your child/children to take whatever role they wish in decorating the house and tree (or not). If they are anxious about decorations perhaps put them up as late as you can in family areas and allow any other children to decorate their rooms so that they don't miss out."


I have added a few tips and tweaked this a little but it is basically the same as it was in 2014.

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all a happy, fun and joyful Christmas.

Much Love, thanks for reading,

N x

Some of our unschooling wins!

I thought it was about time I mentioned a few recent unschooling wins!

Lily is now reading almost fluently and loving her new-found freedom. Not only is she better able to communicate with and understand the world around her, she is also brimming with a new level of confidence in her own ability to learn!

She has gone from reading simple children's bedtime stories, to young adult manga in a matter of weeks. She has revolutionised her own bedtimes in the process. She is now getting in to bed without any electronic media and she is reading (and sometimes drawing) until she feels tired. This doesn't mean we are without incident completely, every night, but it does mean it is far more manageable and that Lily is far calmer and happier.

We have talked again bedtimes as a family, but we are all agreed that they are working really well as they are and we all feel that we are benefiting from them in a positive way. This means we maintain the status quo. Yay!

Hannon and Lily get into bed at 9pm, with all electronics gone by 10pm and then reading for as long as you wish. Dominik stops gaming by 11pm and is in bed with his PS4 off by 12. He has chosen to have his tablet, as he will only read online. He is currently immersed in Undertale fan comics (more on this later).

Lily has also learnt to write by hand. This is something that has never come naturally to the boys, but Lily has taken to it like a duck to water. The boys are happier to type. Full stop. They do not have the skills at the moment to hold a pencil comfortably so typing is far quicker and feels nicer. They can both spell well and Dominik requested that I buy an Usborne book on spelling, punctuation, grammar etc. so he is actively learning some grammar! :-) Again though, Lily has picked up grammar very easily. In fact, I'm not sure we have even talked to each other about it. She may have heard me talking about it with the boys though. Either way, she rocks at punctuation! She wrote a note for my mum this week and it was simply beautiful. I will try and remember to upload a picture of it if that is ok with them. The envelope was even addressed - Beryl/Nanny - how lovely is that?

Lily has begun drawing her own little animations on her white board (her favourite and most used Christmas present by far!) almost continuously. She usually draws boys and girls and love hearts etc, but it is fabulous work.

She has been enjoying parkour and is a natural when she actually tries to be present during the lessons! Her physical abilities are extraordinary. She has also picked up some early tennis skills this week too.

I'm sure I could go on but I must tell you about the others.

Hannon has now learnt to use a second online animation programme. He is putting together little animations as well as making games. He is trying to perfect his YouTube intro at the moment. He has also made a few vlogs which seem to get more views than his gaming, much to his surprise!

Hannon has had a friend here for a sleepover this week and it went so well! There are usually a few skirmishes during a visit but this time, not one! Hannon was kind, thoughtful and generous without even a second thought. He allowed our guest to use his computer pretty much continuously whilst he was here. He said it was because his friend doesn't get to use one otherwise, as he only has gaming consoles. This made me think about how important it is that gaming consoles do not forever overshadow personal computers. We have found that having the ability to type on a keyboard makes a huge difference to communication skills and especially spelling abillity. (Google autofil is an issue though so best to turn that off!!) Lily does not have access to a keyboard and is using handwriting. I guess it just goes to show that where there is a will, there is a way.

Today Hannon typed 50 messages to Dominik during a livestream! 50 messages! He even typed one in the font 'Windings' because he thought it would be funny! He even searched for a translator to do it for him!!! Hilarious. Dominik loved it too.

Hannon likes to make and solve puzzles (they all do actually..hmmm, WE all do!) and we were gifted a 'Monster Book of Monsters' which was great for puzzle solving! If you aren't familiar with it, it is a book that featured in the Harry Potter book series that needed to be stroked in order for it to be opened. Well, this one needs a four part code to open it or it gobbles and growls at you with a cute little mouth. They all had marvellous fun setting new codes and trying to crack them! It was brilliant! Every time one of them cracked a code they would open the book, take out what was in the secret compartment, and then replace it with their own (by now) not so secret stuff and say, "This is my book now", to which I would reply, "No it isn't, it is still Hannon's.". They would then say, "But it can't be, only I know the code, so it's now mine!". How could you argue with that logic? So, the book currently belongs to the person who last set the code!

Hannon has been helping around the house completely voluntarily. He is also helping to choose meals with me every week because he is so fussy it is causing me too much stress now. He is helping me choose foods for him that he will eat. Today he ate....wait for it......KIMCHI!!! Yes, my 9 year old boy ate kimchi and asked for more when he was finished. I am so proud of him for trying it. I lived in South Korea when I was 21 and refused to even try it! He is amazing.

Ok...move on Natasha.

On to Dominik. He has been reducing his competitive gaming time gradually. He is realising what we already know and that is that he is far nicer to be around when he doesn't do it at all. I know. It truly sucks. He is gutted at the result of our experiment. I think we all are actually. We all want him to be able to play the games he adores but we have all seen that without them, he can function far easier. We think it is simply over-stimulation. He gets so agitated that he cannot manage anything else. Not even a conversation some days. He is playing fewer games and he is spending more time with me. He is also spending more time with Hannon, which Hannon loves.

He has continued with his physical exercises too and says that he hopes to return to parkour one day and to take up archery with Hannon and I. He is optimistic about the impending neuro-developmental therapy and is eager to get on with it.

What an incredible change. He is actually taking charge of his own well-being in a big way. He is embracing changes to himself like never before. I have talked to him about the possibility that his behaviour may change once he begins the therapy and he seems to understand that too. I am so proud of the leaps he is taking. He is also monitoring his diet and getting dressed and undressed at the end of each day. Not made much progress with bathing nor teeth brushing but baby steps are good.

Oh, yes! The Undertale fan comics! Dominik has begun writing Undertale (a new-ish game following on from FNAF) fan stories! It is called 'fanfiction' and he loves it! He has written at least two of his own so far. He brought one to me to read and I began talking to him about grammar and punctuation and the importance of structure for your story-telling. At first he was frustrated and cross and then he listened to me read his story without any punctuation and then again, but with some punctuation.

He immediately identified the difference and realised that his lack of 'theory of mind' was inhibiting him. He had assumed we would all read it how he does completely forgetting that we are NOT him!

Once I physically showed him what would happen to the reader, he understood immediately. Yay!

Just proves that practical, one to one support is priceless.
Especially with children who have communication difficulties.

NB - That ('communication difficulties') is NOT just a phrase for SEN advocates to bandy about! It actually means something! You must be practical in your teaching! It must be real! NOT realistic! It cannot be learnt via a make believe story, at least not to any real depth of understanding in my humble opinion. It MUST happen TO THEM. Not AT THEM. I am speaking from experience!

Domink has been taking strides I was unsure I would see.

And I suppose I should include Harriet?

Oh, ok then.

She is still, completely lovely. Today we had a baby visitor and she simply hugged and kissed him, and hugged and kissed him for about the first ten minutes of his visit. She just wanted to love him. It was quite obsessive and she was doing it with no prompting at all. It was beautiful. She's an empath of the highest order! You could see him visibly start to relax even in this new, strange, noisy environment. He left his mum without a glance and began smiling and playing happily as soon as she was done.

She is also walking! Yay! Oh man, she took a few steps in the week before Easter weekend and then on Easter Sunday she just walked! Over 50% of that day, she was on her feet. She was so proud and excited that she had finally got the hang of it! She is now only walking. Within two weeks she has gone from crawling to only walking. The downside is that she now does not want to go to sleep. Ever!! It is tiring me out a little but, meh, it'll pass and she is so happy I don't care! Today we went for a little walk to the end of the road and last week she walked around her first park, choosing her rides and her explorations. Harriet is truly content and happy with her life right now.

Her comprehension is excellent. There are very few daily routines that she doesn't comprehend now. She can communicate what she wants very effectively too. She rarely screams for attention but she does 'tantrum' if she doesn't get her way. I am hoping this will get better when she truly understands that I will let her do anything that does not pose a significant risk to her or us (or the cat)!

Harriet is a blessing as I always knew she would be. There is no love like the love from Harriet.

Ok, that's enough.

I'm exhausted and I want to snuggle with everyone before they get to sleep!

Love to you all from our unschooling bubble.

N x

The bad and the good.

I have come to believe that after the bad comes the good.

I am not sure whether or not this is actually a philosophical question (a la Augustine) but for us, when there has been a true sh*t storm, there then comes a precious calm.

During this awkward time of  such rampant and blatant persecution in our country (world?) (whether that be because of your religion, race, disability, sexual preference, choice to home educate etc etc etc) big things are happening.

In the last week I have spoken to three different parents who had just/were about to de-register their children from school.

It is almost as if, by way of their blatant persecution and singling out of the alternative education community (NSPCC report, the saddening, recent (but not current) story about the little boy in Wales, the supposed ' hidden' ulterior motive whereby parents mean to 'radicalise' children, Loose Women), the government have in fact created a tidal wave of people having a closer look at this area.

So, for home education, one of my passions, parents are actually considering the question on a massive scale. This is giving the home education community an unprecedented opportunity to discuss their choice rationally, animatedly and perhaps most importantly, logically (because the success of individualised learning is well known and should be the gold standard for every educational establishment, not just home education), In this article from 2010 in the Guardian newspaper, you can see this quite clearly.

So, yes, this full frontal assault has resulted in an amazing opportunity for everyone. Let's talk about it. Properly. Using evidence and experience and whilst feeling confident in our ability to make the best choice for our family. Let's not fight amongst ourselves.

It is really no one else's business how you and I as parents choose to educate our child/ren. We're all doing our best!

The major point to be taken from these kinds of massive, light-shedding events (specifically the home education events in this instance) is that all choices/options are valid. We can't like them all (some are truly horrifying indeed in the broadest sense of these events) but we have to respect peoples rights to make them all.  It sucks at times, but mostly it is what makes us free. Choice, as they say in 'The Matrix', is the problem.

But, I digress, what inspired me to write this post in the first place, is my current experience with my kids.

This past week has been truly horrendous at times, ('throwing in the towel' kind of horrendous) but, that utter madness has been concluded with exactly the opposite degree of madness.

The level of achievement in my house right now!

The communication, the the life skills, positivity, learning ...you name it. I am so energised by the progress occurring in my house that I am hardly needing to sleep! For the first time in my life I am surviving on about 6 hours...and not feeling tired! Something must be fuelling me and I think it is the children.

Harriet is apparently in training to one day climb Mount Everest! She would surely be 'The World's Climbing Champion' ... in the under 12 months category!!! She is so fast, so sure footed and so determined. I simply stand by her and help her learn how to do it safely. It is heart-stoppingly nerve-racking but it is so worth it! She goes easily and confidently up the stairs now. She can get down from a bed. She attempts to climb up into her high chair and will push things around to climb somewhere she wants to go but can't!! She is also loving a set of little stackable eggs with a duckling in the middle. Watching her figure out how to do it is so fun. She also LOVES being read and sung to. 'Dear Zoo' and any song will do.

Lily has suddenly, and I mean over night, gone from not doing any maths to doing additions of three figure numbers, subtractions of three figure numbers and is beginning to understand the idea of 'times tables' and why they are helpful.

As an aside, I feel that school does this the wrong way around. They try to teach the times tables before children learn for themselves why they are good to learn! It is much easier when the child is motivated by their own experience to explain to them a new concept which they now know, will be helpful to them now, and in the future.

Dominik has yet to 'avoid' a single day of his physiotherapy work. He is still doing parkour. He too has suddenly found the relevant patterns in maths (but still won't work with any odd numbers!!!). He is also trying his hand at his first model kit. Loving it, but finding it challenging for his fine motor skills. Excellent! Oh, and he bought a comic with his own money! Unheard of. He is reading again.

(We realised tonight that we all have our own bookshelves..such a lovely moment.)

Hannon has just simply worked like a trojan on his coding. But, alas, I truly have no idea how well he is doing. I know that he is not nine yet, and that he began learning at the end of October after doing two tutorials with me, but is his progress considered 'good'?

Meh, who cares! Hannon is learning so much, so fast, and with so much enthusiasm that I do not think that the kindest measurement of this is one that means he feels he is in competition with anyone aside from himself! If he is happy with what he is learning, that is good enough for me. He is achieving to his highest possible standard. Brilliant.

He is also still attending Cubs after asking to quit in October! He's slightly wary but knows that I will allow him to stop at the end of any month if he wants to. But that has not happened yet!

He is actively enjoying things now. Partly because the pressure if off to stay and partly because the activities have suddenly become slightly more 'challenging' and it turns out, that he is excelling! Now that the number of 'games' that he doesn't know have decreased the tables have turned.

He has, on two occasions, been the only child to successfully complete both the co-ordinates task (he was also, coincidentally, the only child there who had not 'done them already') and the first aid task! He was STUNNED and so bloody proud. He really stands out among his peers when it comes to his ability to learn new skills (what we focus on most I guess...not what to learn, but how to learn) and the speed with which he can acquire them if he wants to.

He's a hidden, understated little gem. I cannot believe the grace with which he is growing up given that he is enveloped by two such demanding, strenuous siblings. He is my inspiration.

They all are. I just feel so privileged to be on this journey with them all.

To end, I have these motifs in my bedroom. Call me sentimental but they really do help.

Don't let anyone dull your sparkle
Be the change you wish to see in the world
She can do it
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain
When it rains look for rainbows, when it's dark, look for stars

I have more than those but they are the only ones I can read from where I am sitting! :-)

My hope is that you feel inspired by this to consider your own challenges and demands in a slightly different way for a moment or two.

Without the bad, I wouldn't have the good.

Sleep well.

N x

PS - I am tired now but I want to publish, so please excuse any typos. :-)

Building the New.

This encapsulates my life philosophy. I genuinely believe that my efforts are best placed in creating new 'stuff'. Be it thoughts, people, ideas, relationships, habits etc etc. I have never described myself as creative, but it turns out that I am! I only want to create new 'systems'. It thrills me. I think that is why the complex and completely meaningful relationships in my house fascinate me so much.

Anyway, during a conversation about school choices, I had these thoughts and things to say about what is going with us 5 at the moment.

Here is what I wrote. I wrote this to a friend, before I decided it would be a blog post so it is as honest as it gets!

Enjoy!

"Hey, So, which one did they choose? I'm dying to know! I used to work in all of them many moons ago.

They made a really big decision and it sounds like they have been empowered by the experience. It reminds me of me! When I was that age I had the choice of going to Bedford Academy (John Bunyan as it was) or Dame Alice (now merged with Bedford Modern but still a private school). I chose Dame Alice because even thought there was an exam and I would be going completely alone, it was still a safer, more predictable, more academic choice.

If I had gone to John Bunyan with my 'friends' I cannot even begin to imagine the different route my life would have taken.

It still wasn't easy and there were still mornings when my mum would have to sit in the car with me outside school and wait for me to stop crying and calm down enough to actually go in! But, go in I did, most of the time.

I switched again for my 'A' Levels to go to Sharnbrook. Now that transition was far from easy. I was back among all the kind of people who bullied me in my middle school!

{I edited out two paragraphs for privacy.}
We seem to be pretty busy. I'm not coping well with it but we are doing it! We have never had so many organised activities (4 per week) and trying to fit in 'quality' time is more difficult because I have so much more to do. Trying to get them all to comply and enjoy is hard going!

Dominik has a wobble every week at parkour. He has a meltdown within the first hour every week guaranteed. It is heartbreaking but he hasn't given up yet and is just beginning to see an improvement so I honeslty hope he decides to keep it up after half term. Feels like a test!

Hannon is coding his own video games which improve by the day! It is incredible to watch and he surpassed what I had learned in less than 24 hours!! He has taken to it like a duck to water. He has about 5 different pieces of game making software on his pc but this is the first one that has really worked for his learning style. So, after about 4 months of trial and error (and money!) he has finally found his niche...and it was free! lol [ETA - He is even drawing all of his own pictures which is a first as he doesn't even voluntarily write with a pencil. Whilst the rest are drawing, he has always resolutely refused. Until now! He is experimenting with drawing on the computer and even 3D drawing like he never could in real life. I think he has overcome a big fear in doing this. He even said he thinks he might start trying with a pencil in the future. I am so proud of him taking charge of what works for him. Lily has even let him borrow her graphics tablet in case he wants to try with a pen.]

Lily is reading like a pro! She is just flying through it now and she is even asking to learn Spanish! We wrote down all the ways I could think of to say 'I love you' in different languages last night. It was great fun, 

Although, to coincide with Lily's rapid developmental spurt, we have also had a complete regression to the aggression and violence.

I have come to accept that it is the price we pay for big leaps. It puts a lot of stress on her system and she falls apart a little at the seams. We're all doing our best to support her..well, except Hannon who mostly wants to torment her a little more. Grrr.

And Harriet! She is awesome. Teeth 9 and 10 on their way. Crawling brilliantly (although more of a drag than a crawl...think legless zombie!) and she has just started cruising the furniture! I had forgotten how scary this bit is but she is doing marvellously and takes the odd tumble with grace and humour! She can almost stand unaided and she is learning fast how to fall onto her bum! She is also loving any food you give her to try. Thanks goodness! I do not have time to cook yet another meal! She loves being wrapped and even tolerates my failures and re-wrappings with fun (that is, if you call having your ears bitten at all 'fun').

Me, well, I'm exhausted and was on the edge for a few days. My mum stepped in and gave me an afternoon last week which was my first one since Harriet was born. That is 8 months! So, well, it was great and I am ok now.

Well, now I've bored you with an essay (sorry) I'm going to blog it in an adapted form if that is ok with you? I won't mention you by name but I will say how the blog came about.

PS - Thanks for asking how we are. You'd be amazed how few people actually do and I sometimes forget that great things are going on here, even when I am too exhausted to fully appreciate it all. Being able to write it down really helps.

Big hugs xxxxx" So, there you have it. That's a short summary of how we are all building and creating in my house! Sorry I haven't blogged sooner. It's been a bit busy! I'm glad a friend helped me to make the time to blog today.

N x PS - I did my hair!

A kind of 'Unschool'?

So, I've been thinking a lot about school as I am surrounded by reminders of it right now.

What if there was a kind of school where it was no longer necessary to use our chosen 'labels'? We define and categorise all children in one way or another all the time. Whether it be by age, gender, ability, religion, special educational needs, levels of potential attainment etc etc.

Surely by using these labels we are reinforcing the very need for these labels because we continue to categorise, and completely unintentionally, stigmatise, our children?

What if we had a school system that was by its very nature all-embracing? Where nobody was stigmatised. Would we not then grow a society that was also, all-embracing and non-stigmatising?

By removing categories that are essentially arbitrary choices of measurement anyway, we would be more open to measuring children (and society) in more meaningful ways.

Do our adopted measurements and categories really tell us what we need to know about our children anyway?

Would it not be nicer to offer our children a far wider choice of how they spend their time? Would it not be far easier to STOP categorising our children in unhelpful ways and START letting them find their own groups and interests?

By letting children choose their activities to a far greater extent, surely we would then see a whole different set of categories emerge? These categories would paint a beautifully intricate and interesting pattern I am certain of it.

My sociology head says it would be fascinating to watch and see what happened to a self-selecting group of children if given free-reign within a larger learning arena. Would they grow up to become dissatisfied adults or wholesome, well-rounded individuals? Would they be in jobs they hate or would they be following their passion?

NB - Whilst 'Lord of the Flies' jumps immediately to mind when seeing lots of children making their own decisions, let's remember that we will actually be there in this example, to participate! 

Imagine, a group of kids (self selected with no restrictions other than total number and geographical location...although, Skype live would be a great idea too), who get told that today they have a range of options, for 8 hours: gaming, gardening, science experiments, treasure-hunting, decorating, reading, astronomy, crafting, free playtime and the list goes on forever depending on what you can provide, and then imagine how the groups form and what we would learn about our children by letting them choose and then simply observing them?

When children are younger we spend a massive proportion of time simply observing them and not intervening all the time. Why does this suddenly stop? Why, at the age of 4 and a bit, do we suddenly feel the need to be directing them, when let's face it, up until this point they have all done (without exception) a pretty amazing job, with just their immediate family and a play-dates!

Woah...craziness, right? Kids learn without being drilled?! They just need to reach a certain level of emotional maturity for that particular skill to emerge?! They love to learn! Remember, a child learns more in the their first two years of life than they will learn in the rest of their life time put together!

All this got me to thinking about an Unschool.

The Unschool I imagine,  would be a little like a nursery school where (some would argue) you meet your most authentic friends (because you are drawn together by common interests), you look forward to going in the morning, you laugh a lot and have fun too! At nursery school, you are not defined by something arbitrary that an adult has chosen for you.

I think nursery school is amazing by the way! I sent my middle son to nursery school. Admittedly, at first it was because I was afraid that something bad would happen between him and my PDA son if I didn't step in, but, in the end it was because I loved, loved, loved their ethos. I loved it so much that I became a parent governor (a big deal for someone like me who is so completely anti-social).

The nursery school environment, when done well, is all about choice and being yourself. I bet you could speak to hundreds of nursery school teachers and they would be far happier when talking about the children they interact with than those teachers you meet who are teaching older children. Why is that?

And, I think, children pretty much love nursery. Well, perhaps not all children and perhaps not all of them love it, but, even our very sensitive special needs children, can navigate nursery fairly competently.

It is when we step in with all our 'categories' and 'definitions' that things begin to go awry.

I imagine no age categories, no ability categories, no special needs categories.

I imagine free play and movement. I imagine respect and compromise and discussion. I imagine natural consequences.

All of the above can only happen in a safe environment too by the way.

One that is without arbitrary 'rules' and 'regulations' and 'targets'. Where learning can move with the free flow of ideas and people. Those arbitrary measures we all cling to (hello Ofsted) are dooming our children and their futures because they refuse to evolve.

In my Unschool I don't see name calling nor bullying. I don't see local government funding issues. I don't see 'special measures'. I don't see homework (unless you want to of course and then yay! We'll help in any way we can!). I don't see 'lunch times' across the group. I don't see punishments. I don't see rewards. I don't see compulsory lessons.

In my Unschool everyone is exactly where they are meant to be. They can be tested if they desire but their level of achievement shall be measured by their own standards for themselves. Adults, of course can give their input and opinion, but the choice of whether or not to be happy about any changes rests solely with the child. If that success means only sitting and reading in the same room as other people, then that is completely fine. If that success is arriving earlier/later, then so be it.

In my Unschool, if a parent chooses to stay, then that is excellent but they must be willing to participate in the activities the children are doing if asked to. THIS IS NOT A COFFEE SHOP.

Perhaps adults would even be willing to share their own areas of expertise and hobbies. Imagine what diversity that would bring to the learning environment? I find that the best teachers are those who know their subject and their audience. Appropriately vetted, self-selecting adults would be so very welcome.

In my Unschool there would be no uniform. There would be no seat (unless you wanted one). There would be no compulsory hair styles nor shoes. There would be as many sensory rooms as classrooms.

In my imagination it would be like an official Unschool.

And, as every unschooler knows, at the very heart of the Unschool would be the children who make it all happen.

I love working with, learning from and being around children and young people.

I think we as adults are very quick to complain that children are becoming 'lazy', 'greedy', 'ungrateful', 'unskilled', 'unhappy' and 'unprepared' etc for their future as adults, but what are we really doing to change that?  

We need to be radical in our thinking. We need to start giving back to our children so they can feel empowered and capable again. This summer has been the most amazing one we have ever had. My four children have just blossomed since I fully embraced the idea that living peacefully and respectfully is the best way to go.

Now that our learning environment is becoming calmer and more joyous, the learning is blooming.

Domink has been to two classes in the past week. Two! That is more than he has EVER achieved before and we haven't even been brave enough to try since 2011. This week he went to make sushi and he had his first parkour lesson. He was STUNNING. He surpassed his own expectations with how well the events went. We talked about it a lot before he went and he was confident that he would perform well under the 'pressure' (his words, not mine) but he would not guarantee that he would manage it all. He had to go outside for a little run towards the end of the first hour of the sushi but that was all. He did it. He did not need any support at all during the parkour class which was 2 HOURS. Just incredible.

This is really thanks to unschooling. It is a miraculous learning style. It proves the adage that all children will do well if given the tools and environment in which to do so. Those who know Domink will understand the magnitude of what he has achieved.

Hannon has been learning how to code his own game in MIT's Scratch Programming Tool. I do not have the words to describe his dedication, his skills, his patience, his determination and his problem solving abilities during these past 10 days. What this has done for his confidence is incredible. If he were an adult who learnt a new skill this fast and applied it for the number of hours he has and with the attention to detail that Hannon has given to this, they would give him a pay rise!
 
Lily has been the exception. Right now she is not steady at all. I think she is finding it frustrating to not have the skills she needs to accomplish the things she wants to. 'The Sims' for example. She really wants to play it and every time we try to do it together, by the time she has finished designing the characters (again, for the fourth time) she doesn't actually want to play the game any more! This means we are getting nowhere when what she really wants is to start helping them 'live'. When we eventually have a family she is happy with, we will move on and she will have the most amazing variety of social stories made of her choosing. It will be a very useful learning tool for her when she is ready and I'm sure it won't be long given how much we're practising!

Harriet has cut two teeth with two close on their heels as she reaches her 6 and half month. She is sitting up competently and moving from her bum into the crawling position (where she does that baby rock...hahahaha) and she is trying to pull herself up! She has her first cold right now too, bless her little snuffles. She loves any food she tries during our baby led weaning. It is messy and fun!

So, an Unschool for everyone. What a thought.

Thanks as always, for reading.

N x

All arguments are NOT created equal!

Just a quick thought really (I'm sleepy).

Not all arguments are created equally.

Sometimes my kids and I argue/bicker/fight/disagree and any other adjectives you can think of for being of opposing views.

These events can manifest in many different ways. Shouting. Stomping. Slamming. Throwing. Screaming. Stand(ing) off (or is it stand offing). Hitting. And probably more I'm sure. You get the idea right?

But sometimes, just sometimes, they (we) are arguing in a way that is different to the ways listed above.

They (we) are actually having a discussion about something outside of their (our) own lives. It is incredible to witness (be part of) and I am sure that these discussions become more coherent and more structured the more of the 'less desirable' types of scuffles they actually have! To have a discussion, the more information you have to draw from, the better things are for you. My kids are learning this as they move away from violence and frustration towards discussion and negotiation.

It is more than just opinions, gossip, finger-pointing, name-calling, childish disagreements etc. It is 'grown-up' (eurgh) and 'mature' (eurgh) arguing!

I'm not sure whether or not this phenomenon (at ages 8 and 6) is brought about by us being in a different environment to most (accepting, familiar, comforting, safe, loving) or whether or not most 6-8 year olds do this too? I sure do hope they all do! It is so interesting to be a part of and really bodes well for the future.

But, when my middle two children disagree, it can go every which way and therefore, sometimes, thankfully, does go the way of adult (eurgh) discourse (picture Sorkin, the Wachowskis etc). It is civil, structured, to the point, well reasoned and interesting to listen to. They ask one another poignant questions. They use persuasive language. They negotiate every little detail. They are always on the lookout for the catch!

I'm not sure any of this will work in their favour in the short-term to be honest, given how patronising adults are in general towards children, but, for the time being at least, they are articulate and curious and learning lots...yay!

Maybe that is why we love our unschooling so much? Having got rid of any preconceived ideas that because I have been alive longer, I know more, the children's arguments all become 'valid'.

By the time my kids make their way out properly into the world they will simply have learned to accept and be themselves because they have been allowed to be (without fear of further reprisal maybe because my house does not endorse 'punishment' for punnishments sake)?

My house teaches you that no one knows more about you than you do.

If you know yourself, you're more than capable of disagreeing calmly and patiently and this is because you do not feel threatened in any way. You know who you are and you are competing with no one but yourself from yesterday.

You are not attached to the thoughts/opinions that you may have formed over the years. You understand that they are transitory.

You are simply attached to your right to have those thoughts and opinions and your right to articulate them.

If new information arises, great! More to think about and consider. Win win situation so long as you are not too attached to your existing thoughts.

So in my opinion, all arguments are not created 'equal' but they are all valid forms of expression which clearly serve a purpose.

They move you towards self-knowldge.

Food for thought.

N x

PS - Just in case you are going away with the impression that my kids (and I) argue a lot, let me put it into context.

We are together pretty much 24/7.
We are awake and co-operating for approx 14 hrs per day. every day.

The things we do change. The people we see change. But, we mostly do things together, barring the times D does not join us (he needs far more quiet time than us as you already know).

There is a fight of some description probably every day, yes.

There are 5 of us in our house (one of them being a 6 month old baby who is obviously always reasonable and easy to deal with), plus a carpet-destroying cat (don't even get me started) and an incontinent elderly American Bulldog (urgh..laugh if you like but you'd hate it too). Things can get hectic!

But, I reckon, if you a divided the number of fights by the number of hours spent together, and then compared that number to a more typical population, we'd look pretty impressive.

Summer so far.

Summer so far, aside from being a bit of a wash out, has been interesting!

Hannon, Lily, Harriet and I have made more than a few trips to Houghton House after discovering that it is brilliant for role playing games. The kids have really let loose and played Batman, Avatar and countless other chase games/shooting games/hiding games/mystery games and ghost hunting games. They have played for hours on end in the beautiful surroundings of Central Bedfordshire.

To be honest, I'm a bit worried that the local residents might think we are 'casing the joint' for some big job as we have been there so often, mostly at sunset!

But, wow, to have them voluntarily leaving the house and running around outside regardless of the weather has been magical and it is a nice reminder of why we love the Summer so much.

In other news, Dominik called the police to come to our house. Not so great. No.

He told the dispatch lady that I had 'tried to strangle his face' and that he was being assaulted. Sigh. I am more than willing to confess that yes, I did lunge at him (but that I lunged at him due to tripping over the end of his bed) whilst trying to take away his controller and headset in order to stop him playing a game which was causing him so much anxiety that he could no longer distinguish reality from fiction. Shit.

About half way through the call he realised what he had done and began back-tracking at a remarkable rate, but obviously this was to no avail. The dispatch lady explained to him that she had a duty to send an officer to our house.

Lily went into instant meltdown imaging the worst and fearing that I would be arrested and Dominik was almost suicidal thinking about the potential consequences.

The male officer arrived within ten minutes of Dominik making the call and he was professional, courteous and friendly to us all.

He listened to what we all had to say and took the time to explain to Dominik that what he had actually done was waste police time for what was essentially a fight with his mum over his computer game.

Domink was embarrassed and upset but handled it well overall. I was embarrassed and upset but also grateful at the speedy response and the understanding shown by the officer.

All's well that ends well I guess. I think Dominik would hesitate before doing it again and I do think he learned this lesson. It has always been one of my greatest fears if I'm honest so I'm glad it is out of the way now!

I should add though, that the officer did tell Domink that he should call again if he felt genuinely threatened by anyone (including me).

Ummm, what else? Well, we bought a little tent for our back garden and have had some great fun sleeping out and playing games in it during the rainy days. Hannon has discovered that he can read Harry Potter by himself. Lily has just had her first ever day out without me (or anyone else she is related to) and it went really well overall. She did hide in the toilet on two occasions during the day and she had a massive meltdown once she was home but that is to be expected I think. I'm just so proud of her for wanting to do it and managing to too!

We've already been on our holiday to Scratby as well. That was a beautiful five days away. We did lots of swimming (Lily can now swim on her back) and we went to the beach and Great Yarmouth Pleasure Beach too. It all went by without incident but that is mostly because Dominik did not come with us. He chose to stay at home with my mum and the animals.

He told me that whilst we were away he did not have a single meltdown nor did he lose his temper or swear (my mum agreed) and he made a point of telling me that he should have been an only child. Oops.

Dominik just likes to be left alone and he loves the quiet.

I do feel awful when I hear this from him because I just feel so guilty that we can't do more. I obviously cannot make the house silent at all times and I obviously cannot vanish my other children but I wish I could, just for him. I'd make him a giant soundproof bubble if I could.

Although, he is very lucky I guess because he does get so much down time. He does not have to contend with school, shopping trips, visits to relatives, day trips etc etc if he does not want to and I suppose it must be helping.

This week he and I focussed on his self-esteem. He admitted to me that he does not often like himself and that he is completely unsure of how it feels to be truly, intrinsically happy. We talked about dopamine and what it does and we discussed how his computer creates that hormone for him and therefore ensures his 'happiness'.

Dominik knows that he needs to learn how to be happy in himself and without any external stimulation but he also knows that at this time, it is not possible. He knows that he is at increased risk of becoming a lifelong 'addict' in some way and he is conscious that he does not want this for himself.

He is also aware that he missing out on so much, this year particularly. He has missed countless trips to visit good friends and two short breaks. It makes me as sad as it makes him happy.

Together we can work this out. I know we can. But, like most things, it's just going to take a little time, patience and practice.

N x

Screen time & gaming! The eternal conflict!

Here are some of my rambling thoughts from a conversation I was having recently with a friend of mine.

They are about gaming and screen time and the internal (and external) conflict these issues create.

Afternoon!

I do understand your concerns about the amount of time spent in front of a screen.

I guess what I would say, is how much time does an adult spend looking at screens (work, tv, phone, tablet etc) and is it really that different? 

I know for me for example, that it is very little but, you could easily equate a love of screens with a love of books and the amount of time I spend (would spend) with my nose in a book (my passion) would easily match up. I guess books seem benign (although they aren't in terms of impact on your eyes I'm sure)!

I think the optician who said the blue light from screens damages your eyes could well be right, but again, long term studies are thin on the ground (non-existent?) and there could also be many benefits for the eyes. We know that neurologists are discovering gaming benefits for the brain all the time.

Upon being asked for some links:

The only other links I have come across recently have been related to the brain scans of addicts (drug addicts and computer addicts specifically) and they show enlarged 'pleasure centres' in the brains of these individuals (not surprising). 

They do not however seem to know which came first (the enhanced pleasure centre or the addiction) so it is hard to determine causality.

(I have put some links below that cover some of the recent scientific studies)

I guess I'd also like to add that, yes, it does worry me some days how much time my PDA son spends in front of a screen BUT, I try to remember: it is his passion, he is incredibly talented, he wants to make it his career and he continues to learn and improve all the time. Not sure what more I could ask for really? I know that I would love, love, love to have something that I felt that passionate about. 

As to the addictive nature of gaming - who knows!

Just look at anyone who plays any games (including benign games like Candy Crush or Angry Birds) to see that everyone has the potential for excessive use. 

I think the difference for my son, maybe not for everybody, is that he needs the instant gratification, the trophies, the kudos from team mates, the speed of play, the depth of the graphics (better than real life according to him) and he enjoys the incredible attention to detail required to excel in all the different gaming arenas. 

For him, they are *better* than real life. Much of what I have listed he cannot achieve in real life! 

He has never been able to be on a team. 
He has never won a trophy. 
He has never been the best at something. 

It is no wonder the pleasure centre of his brain fires up when he games! 
He is experiencing a lot of pleasure! 

I can only wish that he found that much pleasure in other areas of life, and maybe one day he will (he does sometimes I guess...swimming, the beach, eating out, cinema, visiting good friends, the trampoline, water balloons, water pistols) but until then, I'm going to let him figure it out. 

He has all the relevant information (with regard to his health and the implications for it long-term) and a good idea of what can happen as a result of so much gaming so ultimately, it is his choice. 

As for everyone else, go with what feels right for your family. 
That's all any of us can do in the end. 

Meh, what does it matter...in the long run we all blame our parents for what goes wrong, right!? 

N x

LINKS - 

7 fascinating TED talks on the benefits of gaming

Gamer Brain Reward System

Video Gaming Can Increase Brain Size and Connectivity

Games not addictive says game addiction clinic founder

How video games can affect adolescent brains

Study Finds Action Gamers Are Better Learners

Is your Aspie a born gamer?