Progress

Something happened tonight.

I realised that my joy genuinely drives our family joy. When I am focussed and charged my energy seeps through everyone in my family. (My mum starts being complementary and butt-kissing so I know it must be there!)

For the past 5/6 weeks I have been obsessed with the idea of moving to another country within the next two years. This means that I have been binge learning Spanish, and trying to understand proofreading and transcription work, and I have taken (and passed with Distinction), an online TESOL course.

Being Autistic means I am capable of hyper-focus. Hyper-focus is in fact, my preferred state of being. I am learning so much that I can breeze through every other aspect of life. It's like my mind is so focussed on something positive, that everything else becomes very organised and almost military in its flow.

When I am truly inspired to do something I cannot help but focus on it. In this I am blessed.

So, over the past 5-ish weeks, I have taken great leaps towards achieving what I want for my family. The freedom to live anywhere we choose.

I have found many good online courses, for reasonable amounts of money, being delivered by people just like me! People who just gave their dream a real chance! I have found endless opportunities for work if I should choose to accept them. Proofreading, copy editing, captioning and transcription jobs are abundant! ESL teachers are in huge demand. The future is on the internet, which will lead onto the main point of this blog in a minute, but a quick aside.

(For a few years now I have despaired at ever being able to realise some of my own dreams. Now that is changing. Everything is aligned so that I can finally take another forward step.)

In my endless research into jobs, countries and lifestyles, I came across a job opportunity with a very famous game making company! It was not a job suited to my talents at all...but it was perfect for my oldest son. I sent him the link and he immediately came to me with ideas which I then submitted. He is buzzing with positive energy. He realised that he has a true talent in writing.

He can caption/vine/meme as if he were born to do it!

As he just said to me, ‘I’m overqualified for the internet!’ And he’s right! He has been information hungry since he came Earthside (and a fair bit before that too, to be fair) and his love of learning has been thoroughly sated by having access to the internet since he was very young. He was around 2 when he continually tried to break into our password protected pc (repeatedly and very often, ie every two minutes until someone caught him) so we had to show him how to use it or else we would not have had a pc anymore!

Dominik is the internet. He does not watch tv shows very much at all but he does read/play/investigate/learn, pretty much all day long. The internet is his environment. He understands it and moves in it as if he is a part of it.

Dominik is truly a child of the internet. He is discerning, open minded, generous, anarchistic, accepting, knowledgeable, witty and intelligent.

Writing comes so naturally to someone like Dominik who has done nothing but read since he taught himself at 3 years old by reading Thomas the Tank Engine by Rev. W Audrey (the original books not the new, simpler, modern versions).

Reading and English are his talents. I have always known this.

I am so grateful that I trusted him to know what was best for himself even when my entire being screamed, ‘nooooooooooooooooo’! Adn to be honest, still does on a regular basis.

Tonight I was overwhelmed with pride and confusion when once again unschooling/self directed learning triumphed over what can be an utterly paralysing condition.

I find myself trying to imagine what Domink would think of English and reading and IT, if he had been forced to read, write and learn what OTHERS thought he should for the majority of his time! It makes me feel so sad to think about it.

Dominik has been taking some online spelling/grammar/punctuation/typing, tests and he is finding them incredibly easy.

He is taking these with enthusiasm...a PDA child voluntary testing themselves. Who’d have thought it?! Well, anyone who has a working knowledge of PDA children and adults would definitely know this! When motivated to do something not much will get in their way so long as they are supported and nurtured through the process.

I guess my point is that, it takes huge leaps of faith to achieve the life you dream of but they are worth it. Do the work and pay attention to what gets you further along your path and the goal becomes less important. The path is what matters...it paves the way for the dreams.

Start leaping!

N x 

PS - Harriet has also said she'd like to give going to nursery another try...so here we go! 

 

Irritating timing.

Every time I get a little distracted and disheartened with life in general, it turns around.

It is literally like I need to hit my version of 'bottom', (which isn't very low!) in order to turn it around.

I have been feeling truly disappointed with my lot lately. It is fairly uncharacteristic for me to feel pessimistic and frightened, but I have been.

On the surface everything is great though! I honestly cannot complain.

We have all that we need and we are healthy and (mostly) getting along well with each other happily.
The weather has been wonderful!
We've had a lovely family holiday in a lodge in Norfolk and were able to visit dear friends.
Lily is managing life so well it means she must be happy and stress free. Yay!
Harriet is pushing every limit she encounters in true 2 year old style! It is exhausting.
Hannon is designing games and creating his own redstone circuits whilst having agreed to go back to Scouts. Exciting times.
Dominik went to the cinema alone today (at his request), gave Hannon permission to use his PS4 whilst he was gone (arghhhhh, never happened before), had a shower before he went and loved every minute of it. So, so proud of his achievement.

The children have all been talking about their passions and what they see in their respective futures. They are all enthusiastic about their options and seem to be approaching the subject in unique ways.
Hannon is focused on being a game designer and is flowing with ideas of projects to work on with his friends.
Lily is drawing and offering her 'chibi' portraits for sale.
Dominik has asked to attend voice coaching tuition to improve his chances of becoming a professional voice actor.

Such wonderful, genuine aspirations that will allow them to live authentic lives and hopefully remain happy and safe. They all want to generate their incomes from their own talents.

They are all conscious that their choices allow them to travel in the future whilst they continue working! And they also know that they will be able to determine their own schedules to a large extent!

I've been talking about creating an income from one of my passions too, so I can completely relate to their emotions. I sometimes wish that I'd been encouraged to follow my instincts and had the freedom to develop my passions at their ages.

But I think that all of the above happened exactly because the last few weeks, until today, have been dull!

Since we returned from our holiday, we have kept our socialising to a minimum (and our spending) as we all needed to recharge, but it has made life a little quieter than usual.

Today was clearly the end of that cycle. It feels almost as if we flat-lined for a moment and then rebounded afresh!

I now realise, that for our family, a natural 'lull' is absolutely necessary in order for us to coalesce the knowledge we've each been gathering.
It's like the moment before you are finally able to make a decision about something you've been procrastinating over! And on a family sized scale!

The learning is happening for all of us all the time if we would only slow down enough to actually process each moment.

I feel so lucky to be able to offer my special needs children such a varied and interesting life.

N x

The bad and the good.

I have come to believe that after the bad comes the good.

I am not sure whether or not this is actually a philosophical question (a la Augustine) but for us, when there has been a true sh*t storm, there then comes a precious calm.

During this awkward time of  such rampant and blatant persecution in our country (world?) (whether that be because of your religion, race, disability, sexual preference, choice to home educate etc etc etc) big things are happening.

In the last week I have spoken to three different parents who had just/were about to de-register their children from school.

It is almost as if, by way of their blatant persecution and singling out of the alternative education community (NSPCC report, the saddening, recent (but not current) story about the little boy in Wales, the supposed ' hidden' ulterior motive whereby parents mean to 'radicalise' children, Loose Women), the government have in fact created a tidal wave of people having a closer look at this area.

So, for home education, one of my passions, parents are actually considering the question on a massive scale. This is giving the home education community an unprecedented opportunity to discuss their choice rationally, animatedly and perhaps most importantly, logically (because the success of individualised learning is well known and should be the gold standard for every educational establishment, not just home education), In this article from 2010 in the Guardian newspaper, you can see this quite clearly.

So, yes, this full frontal assault has resulted in an amazing opportunity for everyone. Let's talk about it. Properly. Using evidence and experience and whilst feeling confident in our ability to make the best choice for our family. Let's not fight amongst ourselves.

It is really no one else's business how you and I as parents choose to educate our child/ren. We're all doing our best!

The major point to be taken from these kinds of massive, light-shedding events (specifically the home education events in this instance) is that all choices/options are valid. We can't like them all (some are truly horrifying indeed in the broadest sense of these events) but we have to respect peoples rights to make them all.  It sucks at times, but mostly it is what makes us free. Choice, as they say in 'The Matrix', is the problem.

But, I digress, what inspired me to write this post in the first place, is my current experience with my kids.

This past week has been truly horrendous at times, ('throwing in the towel' kind of horrendous) but, that utter madness has been concluded with exactly the opposite degree of madness.

The level of achievement in my house right now!

The communication, the the life skills, positivity, learning ...you name it. I am so energised by the progress occurring in my house that I am hardly needing to sleep! For the first time in my life I am surviving on about 6 hours...and not feeling tired! Something must be fuelling me and I think it is the children.

Harriet is apparently in training to one day climb Mount Everest! She would surely be 'The World's Climbing Champion' ... in the under 12 months category!!! She is so fast, so sure footed and so determined. I simply stand by her and help her learn how to do it safely. It is heart-stoppingly nerve-racking but it is so worth it! She goes easily and confidently up the stairs now. She can get down from a bed. She attempts to climb up into her high chair and will push things around to climb somewhere she wants to go but can't!! She is also loving a set of little stackable eggs with a duckling in the middle. Watching her figure out how to do it is so fun. She also LOVES being read and sung to. 'Dear Zoo' and any song will do.

Lily has suddenly, and I mean over night, gone from not doing any maths to doing additions of three figure numbers, subtractions of three figure numbers and is beginning to understand the idea of 'times tables' and why they are helpful.

As an aside, I feel that school does this the wrong way around. They try to teach the times tables before children learn for themselves why they are good to learn! It is much easier when the child is motivated by their own experience to explain to them a new concept which they now know, will be helpful to them now, and in the future.

Dominik has yet to 'avoid' a single day of his physiotherapy work. He is still doing parkour. He too has suddenly found the relevant patterns in maths (but still won't work with any odd numbers!!!). He is also trying his hand at his first model kit. Loving it, but finding it challenging for his fine motor skills. Excellent! Oh, and he bought a comic with his own money! Unheard of. He is reading again.

(We realised tonight that we all have our own bookshelves..such a lovely moment.)

Hannon has just simply worked like a trojan on his coding. But, alas, I truly have no idea how well he is doing. I know that he is not nine yet, and that he began learning at the end of October after doing two tutorials with me, but is his progress considered 'good'?

Meh, who cares! Hannon is learning so much, so fast, and with so much enthusiasm that I do not think that the kindest measurement of this is one that means he feels he is in competition with anyone aside from himself! If he is happy with what he is learning, that is good enough for me. He is achieving to his highest possible standard. Brilliant.

He is also still attending Cubs after asking to quit in October! He's slightly wary but knows that I will allow him to stop at the end of any month if he wants to. But that has not happened yet!

He is actively enjoying things now. Partly because the pressure if off to stay and partly because the activities have suddenly become slightly more 'challenging' and it turns out, that he is excelling! Now that the number of 'games' that he doesn't know have decreased the tables have turned.

He has, on two occasions, been the only child to successfully complete both the co-ordinates task (he was also, coincidentally, the only child there who had not 'done them already') and the first aid task! He was STUNNED and so bloody proud. He really stands out among his peers when it comes to his ability to learn new skills (what we focus on most I guess...not what to learn, but how to learn) and the speed with which he can acquire them if he wants to.

He's a hidden, understated little gem. I cannot believe the grace with which he is growing up given that he is enveloped by two such demanding, strenuous siblings. He is my inspiration.

They all are. I just feel so privileged to be on this journey with them all.

To end, I have these motifs in my bedroom. Call me sentimental but they really do help.

Don't let anyone dull your sparkle
Be the change you wish to see in the world
She can do it
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain
When it rains look for rainbows, when it's dark, look for stars

I have more than those but they are the only ones I can read from where I am sitting! :-)

My hope is that you feel inspired by this to consider your own challenges and demands in a slightly different way for a moment or two.

Without the bad, I wouldn't have the good.

Sleep well.

N x

PS - I am tired now but I want to publish, so please excuse any typos. :-)

And 2016 gets off to a flying start!

Where to begin?

Happy New Year to you all. What a whirlwind this year has been so far. It's like someone opened a door way or something. 'Stuff' (for want of a better word) is just flying into our lives,.

It is breathtaking in its speed.

But first a few thoughts on Christmas this time around.

Aside from one event, it was brilliant. I can honestly say it was all about the things that truly matter. No one was that fussed about presents (although they all love their tablets), it was about spending time together and having fun.

We had very few visitors but the ones there were made the event all the more special. I do wish visitors would have a little more time for everyone when they came though, but at least they care enough to come and see us. I love you all and we appreciate your time,

One small request on behalf of the kids before I move on,. Please try to to show a little interest in what they've been up to! I know its not the same as asking a child who goes to school, but try anyway! I know they bombard you with lots of information and that its mostly about things you've never hear of or things you have no interest in, but, well, ABC's  and mental arithmetic don't count as interesting either really if we're honest. What I am trying to say is that we should simply celebrate enthusiasm and happiness whatever the cause! My four would love to show you what they've been doing. They LOVE what they all do. Please, try to reserve judgement and witness what they are all achieving, even if it isn't something 'mainstream'. I think it is all the more impressive because it isn't! The 'mainstream' is exactly that...it is what most people can learn during the course of their everyday lives. It is the majority, the ;normal', the (dare I say it) mundane. Listen and watch what kids have to show or tell you, whoever they are. Listen even more carefully if they are passionate about it. This is where the true learning experience happens. Especially if they are passionate about. It is important to them. We ask children to pay heed to what is important for us (and society in general I guess) a lot  of the time but sometimes perhaps, we should spend some more time listening to them.

So, yes, where was I...The New Year!

Here's some of what has been going on. Obviously keeping a positive slant on it all. I don't find focussing on the bad bits helpful because they would then over shadow the progress and I don't want that! There have been some tough moments, of course, but what follows could not have happened as it did/does, without them. Every experience is a potential learning experience.

 # Lily!

Lily is pretty much reading fluently, and she is reading words that she doesn't know and they rarely pose a significant problem. She took to the 'hoverboard' like a duck to water. (No, it hasn't caught fire.) She was an amazing hostess at her own Birthday Party. She took to ice-skating like she was born to do it. She is a born 'mover'. Not sure where that will take her but I am sure it will be far. Her innate talent and the ease with which she learns new skills is inspiring. Her vocabulary and maturity also continue to amaze me. For example. we had our 11 year old dog, Tia, put to sleep in December and Lily chose to stay with her until the end (with my mum). Just incredible. The vet tried very hard to guilt me into removing her but I gave Lily the choice and respected her decision. She was amazingly pragmatic throughout. She was a little sad, but, she was also completely accepting and full of love. I am so proud of her. What an amazing human being. She has only spoken positively about Tia since she died and seems to be happy with the desicion she made. (As are Hannon, Dominik and I and we chose to leave.) Love you Lily.

 # Hannon

Hannon it seems is a GAME MAKER. He spends significant periods of time creating and refining various different game ideas. He researches his options. He learns from other people. He experiments with different ideas. He and Lily do 'voice-acting' for their own characters too! He also never. gives. up. His tenacity is awe-inspiring. He is so determined to succeed. It makes me so proud. He tampered a bit with magic over the holidays (and engineering) but has left those behind for the time being. He has also found the time to read at least 12 books since November and it is staring to get expensive!!! But, I obviously cannot complain.. It is simply a running joke.  I even went and bought him his own bookshelves and he is actually using them! Yay Hannon. I love you.

 # Dominik

Dominik has made some massive strides too. He has completed over a month of daily exercises designed to lengthen and strengthen the muscles etc in his lower legs. These can be painful and the demand from me is a daily one so I would never have guessed he would have this much staying power. He is giving this his all. I think a physiotherapist would be able to support him now he knows he can do it. Great progress.  He has also showered twice on the same day that I have asked him to do so! (A miracle for a child with PDA and SPD.) He has also been letting me brush his teeth...not everyday, but more than ever before! He continues to improve his sketching skills (with a new rubber and pencil sharpener) and practices almost daily. He has rediscovered his love of music and all things rhythm based. He seems to be 'pitch perfect'. He can whistle the tune his tablet whistles when he gets a notification and there is no discernible difference. He almost beat me at Just Dance too!!! (Unheard of!!! Along with Mario Kart, Just Dance is about the only other game at which I can do well!) He found something called a Lauchpad and is desperate to try one out. We discussed it and after having talked about the benefits of him having one of these, we actually discovered that he needs (and would prefer) an electric drum kit into which he can programme all the sounds he likes! And, the boon, we don't all have to listen to his creativity. (This will build on all the times we spent playing with Synthesia and a couple of other rhythm/music based visual games (DJ Hero being another)). I cannot begin to imagine what he will create but we are both itching to find out. I also think that the drum kit will have many more benefits...not least of which will be to further strengthen his legs and improve his physical health. His motor skills will also surely take another leap forward as will his proprioceptive skills I should think. This is just brilliant! Alongside his parkour and his rekindled love of creating his own smoothies really bodes well for the future! So proud Dominik, so proud of you. Mwah. Love you.

See, I told you 2016 hit the ground running!

And now for Harriet...well, that would be an essay! She's the best! You'd have to meet her to truly appreciate her awesomeness though. Suffice it to say, she LOVES to climb, point, bite and smile. :-P

And finally, here's my favourite (of favourite ever) picture of our Christmas 2015.

Too. Funny.

And no, Hannon was not like that all the time.

And a dear friend made all the hats for us. Thank you Cara!

Oh, and, the photo was taken by a lovely friend who spent Christmas Day with us. She also brought her beautiful shitzu -yorkie cross. We had such a lovely time.

It was certainly a Christmas that we will remember as being full of smiles and love.

Oh, and we did buy a few family games but by far our favourite is Sushi Go! Lots of fun. Deceptively simple, tactical card game that is hilarious and sneeky (think Uno I guess)!

Happy New Year!

N x

Addendum to "All arguments are NOT created equal"

Tonight, after reading a post from a member of one of the groups I belong to, I happened to look up what was meant by PACE Parenting and I tried to find out what a PACE course involved.

Well, I was fairly gob-smacked when I started reading to be truthful!

The description resonated so strongly with me that I felt my breath catch. How had I not heard of this?!

It was describing exactly how our house functions when we are all trying our best! These letters and the principles they represent are our conscious goal as a family.

I genuinely thought that what I do is just called 'parenting'. Apparently not! Which led me to thinking about how that could have happened.

How I could have such a minority idea of what 'parenting' is that it requires teaching to other parents?

To be honest, I pretty much always feel 'controversial' when discussing parenting with people...although, I am meeting a fair few super mums these days who are on the same page. You know who you are! ;-)

In truth though, 'parenting' is itself a far too complicated a word. It can be (and often is) easily manipulated by the mass media/culture depending on the last 'research' (see below).

There is always a new 'trend' that parents 'must' conform to or else they are risking possible isolation and/or ridicule because of their lack of  'parenting' skills. Sigh.

I do not subscribe to many things that are considered 'mainstream' and for me, 'parenting' simply means loving unconditionally. That's it. Simple right?

Well, guess what? Loving unconditionally is what PACE describes and that is what I tried really hard to explain in my last post (even though I'm not sure that I really did)!

I don't have to worry now though because here is an excellent description of PACE

By the way, I think the term PACE is now becoming widely used because the term 'attachment parenting' (that's the term I may use sometimes to talk about our ideas and philosophy) has become somewhat disparaged and is perceived to be a little 'fluffy' in modern times (*cough* thanks to the main stream media *cough*).

Well, not to worry because now here comes the latest 'parenting' trend in the form of PACE! Excellent stuff! It can't come soon enough.

Let's spread the love! <3

Not sure I should type the next paragraph because my Aspieness is confused about social convention (no shit right, please see above) and it is now too late to call Cara and ask her for her advice, so here goes nothing!

If any of you reading this would like to contact me to talk about how this works for your little people, with or without complex needs, please do get in touch, I'd love to think it through with you.

I guess you could say it was my 'gift' (as someone on the Autistic Spectrum) to be able to see these principles and apply them (fairly) easily to my own family.

Anyways, if anyone is still reading, thanks.

Take good care,

N x

EDITED TO ADD:

All of the courses I am finding about PACE appear to be aimed at those who are foster carers or adoptive parents, or people working in child protection fields and therapeutic and supportive roles etc. Very few courses are targeting actual biological parents. This is because the focus of 'attachment parenting' in these instances is NOT related to special needs children, nor even children in the 'majority'.

PACE is being 'sold' by people working for adoption agencies/fostering agencies to Local Authorities in order to support their fostering/adoption processes. Obviously, this is great news for all those children.

But, once again, I am left thinking that for some reason, the 'establishment' are perhaps hesitant to give these skills to everyone, sorry, I mean every parent as well as to everyone 'becoming' a parent if you know what I mean.

Imagine a world where the birth parents of all these children who find themselves in foster care were taught the principles of PACE? Surely it would have had a positive effect in at least some of the cases? Hopefully one day we will find out.

I am so sad right now because I know my children do not have any attachment issues (I parent using PACE principles already, doh) but what they do have are complex special needs governed by their senses and neurological conditions (causing me to parent this way in the first place if I'm being truly honest, they taught me everything I know) and if other parents don't know any of this yet (that just loving, accepting, understanding, listening, empathising etc etc works miracles) then they need to be told too!

So, please, fellow parents (and especially those of you with children with special needs), do not feel that you are being criticised by the mainstream and do not feel that you have somehow 'caused' your child's special needs just because so many of their difficulties cross paths with those who have suffered some kind of attachment malfunction.

What has in fact happened is that you now know that your child was born with these 'special needs' in order to teach you these important principles themselves...for free! Voluntarily! Not via some crazy expensive, mostly inaccessible course! Aren't we lucky?!

Kids ALL need showering with the principles of PACE (playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy), shit, all ADULTS need some extra loving from the PACE principles too!

Go on, try it.

N x

PS - I really am going to sleep now.