Progress

Something happened tonight.

I realised that my joy genuinely drives our family joy. When I am focussed and charged my energy seeps through everyone in my family. (My mum starts being complementary and butt-kissing so I know it must be there!)

For the past 5/6 weeks I have been obsessed with the idea of moving to another country within the next two years. This means that I have been binge learning Spanish, and trying to understand proofreading and transcription work, and I have taken (and passed with Distinction), an online TESOL course.

Being Autistic means I am capable of hyper-focus. Hyper-focus is in fact, my preferred state of being. I am learning so much that I can breeze through every other aspect of life. It's like my mind is so focussed on something positive, that everything else becomes very organised and almost military in its flow.

When I am truly inspired to do something I cannot help but focus on it. In this I am blessed.

So, over the past 5-ish weeks, I have taken great leaps towards achieving what I want for my family. The freedom to live anywhere we choose.

I have found many good online courses, for reasonable amounts of money, being delivered by people just like me! People who just gave their dream a real chance! I have found endless opportunities for work if I should choose to accept them. Proofreading, copy editing, captioning and transcription jobs are abundant! ESL teachers are in huge demand. The future is on the internet, which will lead onto the main point of this blog in a minute, but a quick aside.

(For a few years now I have despaired at ever being able to realise some of my own dreams. Now that is changing. Everything is aligned so that I can finally take another forward step.)

In my endless research into jobs, countries and lifestyles, I came across a job opportunity with a very famous game making company! It was not a job suited to my talents at all...but it was perfect for my oldest son. I sent him the link and he immediately came to me with ideas which I then submitted. He is buzzing with positive energy. He realised that he has a true talent in writing.

He can caption/vine/meme as if he were born to do it!

As he just said to me, ‘I’m overqualified for the internet!’ And he’s right! He has been information hungry since he came Earthside (and a fair bit before that too, to be fair) and his love of learning has been thoroughly sated by having access to the internet since he was very young. He was around 2 when he continually tried to break into our password protected pc (repeatedly and very often, ie every two minutes until someone caught him) so we had to show him how to use it or else we would not have had a pc anymore!

Dominik is the internet. He does not watch tv shows very much at all but he does read/play/investigate/learn, pretty much all day long. The internet is his environment. He understands it and moves in it as if he is a part of it.

Dominik is truly a child of the internet. He is discerning, open minded, generous, anarchistic, accepting, knowledgeable, witty and intelligent.

Writing comes so naturally to someone like Dominik who has done nothing but read since he taught himself at 3 years old by reading Thomas the Tank Engine by Rev. W Audrey (the original books not the new, simpler, modern versions).

Reading and English are his talents. I have always known this.

I am so grateful that I trusted him to know what was best for himself even when my entire being screamed, ‘nooooooooooooooooo’! Adn to be honest, still does on a regular basis.

Tonight I was overwhelmed with pride and confusion when once again unschooling/self directed learning triumphed over what can be an utterly paralysing condition.

I find myself trying to imagine what Domink would think of English and reading and IT, if he had been forced to read, write and learn what OTHERS thought he should for the majority of his time! It makes me feel so sad to think about it.

Dominik has been taking some online spelling/grammar/punctuation/typing, tests and he is finding them incredibly easy.

He is taking these with enthusiasm...a PDA child voluntary testing themselves. Who’d have thought it?! Well, anyone who has a working knowledge of PDA children and adults would definitely know this! When motivated to do something not much will get in their way so long as they are supported and nurtured through the process.

I guess my point is that, it takes huge leaps of faith to achieve the life you dream of but they are worth it. Do the work and pay attention to what gets you further along your path and the goal becomes less important. The path is what matters...it paves the way for the dreams.

Start leaping!

N x 

PS - Harriet has also said she'd like to give going to nursery another try...so here we go! 

 

There is ALWAYS more to learn.

The home education community is currently feeling under attack once again. (There is a pattern.)

Lord Soley's bill had its second reading in the House of Lords last week and is proceeding to the committee stage whereby amendments and changes can be made before it is presented again.

My mood is wobbling between screaming, "I told you so!" to anyone who will listen/hiding from all social media/springing into direct, offensive action or, starting some process of family defense!

Amidst all of this angst though, I think the above title is vitally important.
I am desperately trying not to lose sight of what I love about my family life and why we choose to live as we do.

The title of this post is the reason why I LOVE home education, and especially unschooling.

We are all always learning and we know that there is ALWAYS more to learn. We are never done.

In my house:

• We do not kid ourselves that it is only during 'lesson time' that we are learning something important. 
• We do not wait for someone else to suddenly impart the knowledge we need upon us.
• We do not believe that all there is that is worth learning comes in bite-size chunks in age appropriate categories and can only be delivered by 'qualified' teachers.

The thought of having to teach my children a prescribed curriculum and subject them to standardised testing, just sucks all the joy, spontaneity, creativity and desire OUT of our learning experience and therefore our family lives. If they wanted to learn in a traditional way, they would all choose to be in school (yes, they have the choice and their voices are loud and clear let me assure you :-D).

If the Lords wish to have a larger say in how I educate my children (or how they educate themselves for that matter), they had best be providing the funds for me to do it! This is of course in the same way that they would fund a school! If the Lords want that right then they need to accept the financial responsibility too. I am almost certain that this is not something they would consider.
 
I perhaps would not be quite so bothered by their interest if it weren't for the fact that modern science has demonstrated over and over again that active, effective, long term learning does not happen in a classroom style environment!

Academics have also proven that delaying formal learning IMPROVES long term results.
We know that intrinsic motivation is key and yet we push more and more external rewards.
We also know that homework has no significant, measurable effect on results and yet it is still mandatory in many schools.
We know that our school population are in the poorest mental health EVER in history and yet nothing is being done about it.


Obviously nothing about the bill is set in stone (indeed it may come to absolutely nothing, although I highly doubt it), and I am largely speculating about what might happen in the future, but I think it is safe to say that child led learning (that looks entirely different than 'mainstream' learning) will be more difficult to 'justify' to the local government representatives when they come around for their mandatory home visits.

I find the notion of my children studying a curriculum completely baffling. Why would you want your children to learn facts and information that come from limited and biased sources? Why would you want your children memorising information and 'facts' that are at best of date and at worst incorrect? Why would you want them to be basically the same as every other child? Why would you want to risk their mental health and well being as well as their curiosity and enthusiasm? (NB - I am speaking ONLY for myself.)

I am aware that I am using broad strokes when speaking about school and school children.
I am aware that there are many children who love school.
And to that I say, "Thank goodness!".
Please do not think for one second I am hoping to ban schools or discourage those who love it from attending. I most definitely am not.  Each to their own provided there is no actual harm.

What I am doing is defending my right to make different choices, and the rights of my children to follow their interests, talents, skills and hobbies in their own time and in their own way.

Speaking only for my family, we are active, self-motivated learners. Our minds are waiting all the time to glean some nuance we missed before. Or to hear a new word or explore a new idea. Our lifestyle facilitates our learning.

We embrace our lives as a part of the whole 'lesson'. To spend these precious years in a government institution seems like a huge waste of time and opportunity to me. Again, just speaking for myself.

There are many lessons in this experience too I'm sure and I hope we can all explore them together.

Please, when the time comes, stand by me and my family and help us protect our right to learn in a way that is most meaningful to us.

Join the discussion. This affects us all.

Thanks for reading my tired, our of practice ramblings.

N x

It's the moments that take your breath away.

Tonight I connected with my children in my favourite way.

We each spent some time reflecting on our day and listening to it from a different perspective. I would love to say we do this every night, but we don't! We often discuss particular events but we rarely talk about our entire day as we did tonight.

Lily came to tell me that she'd let the cat out, locked all the doors, turned off all the lights and folded up her clothes. I must have had the most dramatic change in demeanor because suddenly Lily was beside herself with joy! The feeling that engulfed me when she listed all the things she had just done (as well as being in her pajama's and having brushed her teeth) was one of utter love. I felt cared for, loved, heard and appreciated all at once.

Lily had done all of those jobs, in her own words, "Because I am getting older now and I need to learn to look after myself more." without any prompting at all from me.

My children are asked to help when needed, but are rarely required to do something for me when I ask (under threat or bribe). Lily has simply observed me and listened to my questions if she comes upstairs after I do, and learnt what jobs must be done before coming up to go to bed.

Of course she has!

In my deepest, most secure place I know my children are learning these things all the time, but at a shallower level, I still shit myself regularly that I'm doing this mum thing all wrong!

As Lily and I were talking, we discussed something that had happened when we had guests over this afternoon. Lily, plus 3 other children including Dominik, had been playing on the trampoline when Dominik pushed Lily and she fell into another child.

Lily hit her mouth and a massive meltdown ensued. She screamed at the top of her voice and listeners would have thought she was dying! Dominik simply climbed off the trampoline and said quietly that he was going inside.

I calmly tried to reassure Lily that she was ok and that she could have anything she needed to help her calm down. She was insistent that Dominik had hurt her lip on purpose. She did not comprehend that it was an accident. She assigned blame for her poorly mouth to the push from Dominik. She was inconsolable. :-(

When we talked about this before bed tonight, Lily said that she had acted childishly and that she was sorry for screaming. We decided to risk disturbing Dominik to tell him that we were both very proud of him, that we loved him and that Lily was sorry.

We first checked that all the doors were indeed locked (!), and then knocked on his door. He said we could come in and Lily, calmly and kindly, said she was sorry for what she did and that she knew he did not do it on purpose. He was visibly relieved and thanked Lily for coming to tell him.

Dominik interacted with two young men today, neither of whom are associated with particularly positive memories, and he did it amazingly well. I am so proud. He has had an abnormal sleep pattern again recently and has been really struggling to live with us all (and vice versa) but, the effort he has put in is paying off. I think he has realised, for the time being at least, that he does enjoy life when we spend more time together and that he can exercise some self control if he is able to pay attention.

Lily also played hostess today and loved it! She asked more than once if everyone was having a nice time (asking for a show of hands!), put food on plates and brought almost everything outside, all by herself. She was so proud to have been a help. It was amazing.

Hannon played happily with both of our visitors and didn't eat all the pizza before anyone else had had some! :-D He was also an amazing host. Polite, friendly and fun.

Harriet, and my lovely friend who babysat for me today (hey Sharon!), looked to have had an amazing time together too judging from the pictures! Harriet had looked forward to Sharon and Pepsi arriving all day so was quite happy for me to toddle off to my roller derby course without so much as a backwards glance!

Today I was so blessed.

Good friends. Lovely food. Fresh air. Roller skates. Love. Gratitude. Understanding. Learning. Happiness.

I'm pretty sure I could not ask for more.

Hope you all have a blessed week

N x


PS - UPDATE - Dominik has made some huge developmental leaps as a result of his brushing and movement therapy. For the first time ever he is becoming self-aware. The egocentricity, notable during toddler hood, is finally abating. He is starting to see that he is a part of a system and not alone in this place. He is taking better care of his immediate environment and is being more considerate than I had ever dared to hope for.

Small steps. Kind words. Patience.

Baby-wearing (28months, so not really a baby anymore!) my way through painting my garden furniture and cutting the grass!

UNschooling Life

This past week has been an enlightening experience.

We've felt energised by the warmer temperatures and the first signs of Spring so we've been out of the house more than in it I think. Just amazing. At last!

We've been to a park almost everyday and visited Wrest Park yesterday, (all with the Slackline). We even went swimming today. All 5 of us! It was so fun and it went so well. Proud moments.

One trip however, does stand out because it involved a life changing discussion for us all.

My youngest son and I went to 'town' (rare event) to visit the library and collect my new glasses. The other 3 children stayed at home with their nan so it was a treat to be out, just us two for a change.

We ran our errands and then decided to go to CEX and look at the games because H had some birthday money to spend (from his Dad!). He spent £6.50 on two games and decided to give his change to the homeless man that had asked us for some just before we had entered the shop.

As he walked up to the man to give him his money, a lady walked past and shouted, "Get a f*C^ing job.". I felt so sad and angry and disappointed all at once. My stomach took a nosedive and I felt sick.

After several seconds, I realised that I was truly outraged. That someone could show such little compassion almost floored me. H didn't hear what she had said, but I was upset, and I repeated it to him. He was easily as angry as I was.

This event has led to several discussions over the following days about how this could have happened. When did it happen? Has it always been this way?

We have now discussed it at length, and we are all in agreement that the next time we should witness something like this, we should say something.

It is time to stand up and be heard.

The misfits. The hippies. The carers. The children. All of you (us).

It is incumbent upon us to act now. It is time.

We're not advocating anything other than being compassionate and empathetic during your daily lives. We should all be sharing our goodness and shining our own individual light on dark places and dark people and dark acts. Things have to change.

I have always wanted to be kind but I guess it is presented as something meek and gentle (not very me!), so is consequently seen as a weak characteristic.

I think it is time that 'being kind' was seen as also being a courageous and (sometimes) loud characteristic!

Why not? Why can't we be kind, loudly? Share your good deeds! Spread your fortune and count your blessings! Speak out against injustice. Don't just sign petitions! Use your voice.

Let's face it, we are the peacemakers! I know that it is so difficult to invite conflict into our lives. It is uncomfortable and stressful for us to 'draw attention' to ourselves. I truly understand. But it is time now.  

Has society become so lost that it cannot even recognise kindness anymore? What if it has?

 

The following quote keeps me searching, learning, speaking out and acting.

For me, this is what unschooling is all about. The impromptu lessons and experiences that are immeasurable in their impact.

What happened during these conversations is life long learning.

This week my children and I realised that being kind and empathetic are the lock and key to true happiness.

Sending out lots of love tonight,

N x

PS - A friend shared this with me once and it seems pertinent.

#100daysofhomeed

Just wanted to add some pictures for a change.

Here are our bookcases! I have been thinking a lot about our journey and the prevailing theme is literature.

If you all read together, for pleasure, you can't go wrong.

Harriet's book box.

Lily's/family book shelf

Hannon's book shelf

Natasha's book shelf

And Dominik's to come (of course). :-)

Natasha x

Teaching by Stealth - My top Tips!

Teaching by stealth is something many of you have heard me refer to before I am sure but it is something that has been invaluable to me so I thought I would expand on the idea a little more and turn it into information that would make sense to everyone!

A brief description -

Teaching by stealth is imparting information, encouraging learning and curiosity, and presenting interesting new opportunities to children, that are cleverly disguised as fun activities (which are actually fun).

For me there is an added layer to teaching by stealth because my son is demand avoidant and will generally refuse to do anything if it was a) not his idea and b) if it does not coincide with his current interests.

So, here you go, my top tips, for teaching by stealth.

Focus on what they love and expand on it!

• create a simple word search of characters names
• have a drawing competition
• send the characters to the shops with some money and list of items to buy
• make your own jigsaw puzzle
• play with your children and let them teach you what they know
• help them research the history/development of their chosen interest
• find someone who is more knowledgeable than you are and make a connection with them on behalf of your child
• use paper mache to create something from a show/game
• encourage them to use pixel art/Minecraft to create their own scenes and stories
• make your own board game
• use instruments to create a unique soundtrack and storyline
• make masks and costumes and play-act together
• make your own finger puppets and put on a show
• use their current interest as a theme for charades
• play hangman using their theme
• send their favourite character on a round the world trip and plan their journey
• use the internet and find out as much as you can and drop tid-bits of new information into conversation
• write a quiz and have a prize for a certain number of correct answers

I hope they give you some new ideas to get more out of the time you spend with your children and to help them get more out of what they love.

N x

PS - I just came across a great list of recommended reading for those interested in learning more about relaxed home schooling.