It's the moments that take your breath away.

Tonight I connected with my children in my favourite way.

We each spent some time reflecting on our day and listening to it from a different perspective. I would love to say we do this every night, but we don't! We often discuss particular events but we rarely talk about our entire day as we did tonight.

Lily came to tell me that she'd let the cat out, locked all the doors, turned off all the lights and folded up her clothes. I must have had the most dramatic change in demeanor because suddenly Lily was beside herself with joy! The feeling that engulfed me when she listed all the things she had just done (as well as being in her pajama's and having brushed her teeth) was one of utter love. I felt cared for, loved, heard and appreciated all at once.

Lily had done all of those jobs, in her own words, "Because I am getting older now and I need to learn to look after myself more." without any prompting at all from me.

My children are asked to help when needed, but are rarely required to do something for me when I ask (under threat or bribe). Lily has simply observed me and listened to my questions if she comes upstairs after I do, and learnt what jobs must be done before coming up to go to bed.

Of course she has!

In my deepest, most secure place I know my children are learning these things all the time, but at a shallower level, I still shit myself regularly that I'm doing this mum thing all wrong!

As Lily and I were talking, we discussed something that had happened when we had guests over this afternoon. Lily, plus 3 other children including Dominik, had been playing on the trampoline when Dominik pushed Lily and she fell into another child.

Lily hit her mouth and a massive meltdown ensued. She screamed at the top of her voice and listeners would have thought she was dying! Dominik simply climbed off the trampoline and said quietly that he was going inside.

I calmly tried to reassure Lily that she was ok and that she could have anything she needed to help her calm down. She was insistent that Dominik had hurt her lip on purpose. She did not comprehend that it was an accident. She assigned blame for her poorly mouth to the push from Dominik. She was inconsolable. :-(

When we talked about this before bed tonight, Lily said that she had acted childishly and that she was sorry for screaming. We decided to risk disturbing Dominik to tell him that we were both very proud of him, that we loved him and that Lily was sorry.

We first checked that all the doors were indeed locked (!), and then knocked on his door. He said we could come in and Lily, calmly and kindly, said she was sorry for what she did and that she knew he did not do it on purpose. He was visibly relieved and thanked Lily for coming to tell him.

Dominik interacted with two young men today, neither of whom are associated with particularly positive memories, and he did it amazingly well. I am so proud. He has had an abnormal sleep pattern again recently and has been really struggling to live with us all (and vice versa) but, the effort he has put in is paying off. I think he has realised, for the time being at least, that he does enjoy life when we spend more time together and that he can exercise some self control if he is able to pay attention.

Lily also played hostess today and loved it! She asked more than once if everyone was having a nice time (asking for a show of hands!), put food on plates and brought almost everything outside, all by herself. She was so proud to have been a help. It was amazing.

Hannon played happily with both of our visitors and didn't eat all the pizza before anyone else had had some! :-D He was also an amazing host. Polite, friendly and fun.

Harriet, and my lovely friend who babysat for me today (hey Sharon!), looked to have had an amazing time together too judging from the pictures! Harriet had looked forward to Sharon and Pepsi arriving all day so was quite happy for me to toddle off to my roller derby course without so much as a backwards glance!

Today I was so blessed.

Good friends. Lovely food. Fresh air. Roller skates. Love. Gratitude. Understanding. Learning. Happiness.

I'm pretty sure I could not ask for more.

Hope you all have a blessed week

N x


PS - UPDATE - Dominik has made some huge developmental leaps as a result of his brushing and movement therapy. For the first time ever he is becoming self-aware. The egocentricity, notable during toddler hood, is finally abating. He is starting to see that he is a part of a system and not alone in this place. He is taking better care of his immediate environment and is being more considerate than I had ever dared to hope for.

Small steps. Kind words. Patience.

Baby-wearing (28months, so not really a baby anymore!) my way through painting my garden furniture and cutting the grass!

UNschooling Life

This past week has been an enlightening experience.

We've felt energised by the warmer temperatures and the first signs of Spring so we've been out of the house more than in it I think. Just amazing. At last!

We've been to a park almost everyday and visited Wrest Park yesterday, (all with the Slackline). We even went swimming today. All 5 of us! It was so fun and it went so well. Proud moments.

One trip however, does stand out because it involved a life changing discussion for us all.

My youngest son and I went to 'town' (rare event) to visit the library and collect my new glasses. The other 3 children stayed at home with their nan so it was a treat to be out, just us two for a change.

We ran our errands and then decided to go to CEX and look at the games because H had some birthday money to spend (from his Dad!). He spent £6.50 on two games and decided to give his change to the homeless man that had asked us for some just before we had entered the shop.

As he walked up to the man to give him his money, a lady walked past and shouted, "Get a f*C^ing job.". I felt so sad and angry and disappointed all at once. My stomach took a nosedive and I felt sick.

After several seconds, I realised that I was truly outraged. That someone could show such little compassion almost floored me. H didn't hear what she had said, but I was upset, and I repeated it to him. He was easily as angry as I was.

This event has led to several discussions over the following days about how this could have happened. When did it happen? Has it always been this way?

We have now discussed it at length, and we are all in agreement that the next time we should witness something like this, we should say something.

It is time to stand up and be heard.

The misfits. The hippies. The carers. The children. All of you (us).

It is incumbent upon us to act now. It is time.

We're not advocating anything other than being compassionate and empathetic during your daily lives. We should all be sharing our goodness and shining our own individual light on dark places and dark people and dark acts. Things have to change.

I have always wanted to be kind but I guess it is presented as something meek and gentle (not very me!), so is consequently seen as a weak characteristic.

I think it is time that 'being kind' was seen as also being a courageous and (sometimes) loud characteristic!

Why not? Why can't we be kind, loudly? Share your good deeds! Spread your fortune and count your blessings! Speak out against injustice. Don't just sign petitions! Use your voice.

Let's face it, we are the peacemakers! I know that it is so difficult to invite conflict into our lives. It is uncomfortable and stressful for us to 'draw attention' to ourselves. I truly understand. But it is time now.  

Has society become so lost that it cannot even recognise kindness anymore? What if it has?

 

The following quote keeps me searching, learning, speaking out and acting.

For me, this is what unschooling is all about. The impromptu lessons and experiences that are immeasurable in their impact.

What happened during these conversations is life long learning.

This week my children and I realised that being kind and empathetic are the lock and key to true happiness.

Sending out lots of love tonight,

N x

PS - A friend shared this with me once and it seems pertinent.

#100daysofhomeed

Just wanted to add some pictures for a change.

Here are our bookcases! I have been thinking a lot about our journey and the prevailing theme is literature.

If you all read together, for pleasure, you can't go wrong.

Harriet's book box.

Lily's/family book shelf

Hannon's book shelf

Natasha's book shelf

And Dominik's to come (of course). :-)

Natasha x

An explosion of new learning.

I am astounded by the capacity my children have for learning new skills and developing their personalities.

Dominik has tonight told me how he recently advocated for a friend in need. He described himself using, 'intellectual language' and said that although he had been nervous and had lisped, he felt as if he had communicated his points really well. He felt that the person to whom he had spoken had heard him and was considering his/his friends position.

He followed that up with throwing around the bottom halves of his crutches (that have only previously been used as weapons!) in the manner of a juggler/baton twirler. He was surprisingly good! He could do a lot of stunts all of which he had taught himself. Now in search of juggling pins!

I think that perhaps the most beautiful thing he told me was that he actively tries to make me laugh! He said I have a very serious face and that it transforms instantly when I laugh. I told him I thought of myself as a fun person...and he laughed! We are all going to have more fun and laugh even more in 2017, I know it.

Since the year began, Harriet has said; bed, poo, boo, up and hot! Incredible changes happening for her too, Her self-awareness, empathy (yes, she really is empathetic at 23 months old so it must be possible), joy and love, know no bounds. She can crack any silence with a 'yeah' and she can soothe any tears with her small hug and gentle pat on the back.

Lily is now actively learning to skate backwards and she was joined today at the roller skating disco by her two cousins (and step-cousin?!) which meant the world to her. She was patient, kind and fun even when confronted with the fact that she was now effectively a lone skater, because I wanted to spend time with the (as yet) non-skaters. Cheer leading reconvened today too and given that Lily has been under weather and not sleeping, she met and exceeded her own expectations with her management of the whole day. So happy for her.

Hannon, I am finally going to submit, is Autistic too. He has been stimming a lot. He has been very insular and hyper-focused too. I have always known he has an ASD but right now, it is challenging for him to manage. I think that having acknowledged it is there, he is going to manage better though...as we all will I'm sure. Bless him. So emotional and confused. He is currently dreading returning to Cubs due to an incident and series of events that I have yet to share here so that is undoubtedly contributing to his sensitive state. He also still does not know what he would like to try this term...argh! Oh, and he is very focused on food.

And finally me! So far this year, I have begun adopting a paleo eating style, I've picked a yoga class to attend at last! I've begun my first cross stitch. I've picked up my Spanish. I've started having counselling, I am also researching the following subjects - 'screen time', violent and fantasy based play and cooperations vs competition.

Oh, and the children and I have started to plan some trips! A new soft-play, a climbing taster session, a shooting taster and a potential weekly Spanish meet with a Peruvian lady are all in the planning.

We've had a quiet couple of months, which we definitely needed after the whirlwind that was 2016, but now that is done, we're good to go.

N x

Teaching by Stealth - My top Tips!

Teaching by stealth is something many of you have heard me refer to before I am sure but it is something that has been invaluable to me so I thought I would expand on the idea a little more and turn it into information that would make sense to everyone!

A brief description -

Teaching by stealth is imparting information, encouraging learning and curiosity, and presenting interesting new opportunities to children, that are cleverly disguised as fun activities (which are actually fun).

For me there is an added layer to teaching by stealth because my son is demand avoidant and will generally refuse to do anything if it was a) not his idea and b) if it does not coincide with his current interests.

So, here you go, my top tips, for teaching by stealth.

Focus on what they love and expand on it!

• create a simple word search of characters names
• have a drawing competition
• send the characters to the shops with some money and list of items to buy
• make your own jigsaw puzzle
• play with your children and let them teach you what they know
• help them research the history/development of their chosen interest
• find someone who is more knowledgeable than you are and make a connection with them on behalf of your child
• use paper mache to create something from a show/game
• encourage them to use pixel art/Minecraft to create their own scenes and stories
• make your own board game
• use instruments to create a unique soundtrack and storyline
• make masks and costumes and play-act together
• make your own finger puppets and put on a show
• use their current interest as a theme for charades
• play hangman using their theme
• send their favourite character on a round the world trip and plan their journey
• use the internet and find out as much as you can and drop tid-bits of new information into conversation
• write a quiz and have a prize for a certain number of correct answers

I hope they give you some new ideas to get more out of the time you spend with your children and to help them get more out of what they love.

N x

PS - I just came across a great list of recommended reading for those interested in learning more about relaxed home schooling.