Progress

Something happened tonight.

I realised that my joy genuinely drives our family joy. When I am focussed and charged my energy seeps through everyone in my family. (My mum starts being complementary and butt-kissing so I know it must be there!)

For the past 5/6 weeks I have been obsessed with the idea of moving to another country within the next two years. This means that I have been binge learning Spanish, and trying to understand proofreading and transcription work, and I have taken (and passed with Distinction), an online TESOL course.

Being Autistic means I am capable of hyper-focus. Hyper-focus is in fact, my preferred state of being. I am learning so much that I can breeze through every other aspect of life. It's like my mind is so focussed on something positive, that everything else becomes very organised and almost military in its flow.

When I am truly inspired to do something I cannot help but focus on it. In this I am blessed.

So, over the past 5-ish weeks, I have taken great leaps towards achieving what I want for my family. The freedom to live anywhere we choose.

I have found many good online courses, for reasonable amounts of money, being delivered by people just like me! People who just gave their dream a real chance! I have found endless opportunities for work if I should choose to accept them. Proofreading, copy editing, captioning and transcription jobs are abundant! ESL teachers are in huge demand. The future is on the internet, which will lead onto the main point of this blog in a minute, but a quick aside.

(For a few years now I have despaired at ever being able to realise some of my own dreams. Now that is changing. Everything is aligned so that I can finally take another forward step.)

In my endless research into jobs, countries and lifestyles, I came across a job opportunity with a very famous game making company! It was not a job suited to my talents at all...but it was perfect for my oldest son. I sent him the link and he immediately came to me with ideas which I then submitted. He is buzzing with positive energy. He realised that he has a true talent in writing.

He can caption/vine/meme as if he were born to do it!

As he just said to me, ‘I’m overqualified for the internet!’ And he’s right! He has been information hungry since he came Earthside (and a fair bit before that too, to be fair) and his love of learning has been thoroughly sated by having access to the internet since he was very young. He was around 2 when he continually tried to break into our password protected pc (repeatedly and very often, ie every two minutes until someone caught him) so we had to show him how to use it or else we would not have had a pc anymore!

Dominik is the internet. He does not watch tv shows very much at all but he does read/play/investigate/learn, pretty much all day long. The internet is his environment. He understands it and moves in it as if he is a part of it.

Dominik is truly a child of the internet. He is discerning, open minded, generous, anarchistic, accepting, knowledgeable, witty and intelligent.

Writing comes so naturally to someone like Dominik who has done nothing but read since he taught himself at 3 years old by reading Thomas the Tank Engine by Rev. W Audrey (the original books not the new, simpler, modern versions).

Reading and English are his talents. I have always known this.

I am so grateful that I trusted him to know what was best for himself even when my entire being screamed, ‘nooooooooooooooooo’! Adn to be honest, still does on a regular basis.

Tonight I was overwhelmed with pride and confusion when once again unschooling/self directed learning triumphed over what can be an utterly paralysing condition.

I find myself trying to imagine what Domink would think of English and reading and IT, if he had been forced to read, write and learn what OTHERS thought he should for the majority of his time! It makes me feel so sad to think about it.

Dominik has been taking some online spelling/grammar/punctuation/typing, tests and he is finding them incredibly easy.

He is taking these with enthusiasm...a PDA child voluntary testing themselves. Who’d have thought it?! Well, anyone who has a working knowledge of PDA children and adults would definitely know this! When motivated to do something not much will get in their way so long as they are supported and nurtured through the process.

I guess my point is that, it takes huge leaps of faith to achieve the life you dream of but they are worth it. Do the work and pay attention to what gets you further along your path and the goal becomes less important. The path is what matters...it paves the way for the dreams.

Start leaping!

N x 

PS - Harriet has also said she'd like to give going to nursery another try...so here we go! 

 

Irritating timing.

Every time I get a little distracted and disheartened with life in general, it turns around.

It is literally like I need to hit my version of 'bottom', (which isn't very low!) in order to turn it around.

I have been feeling truly disappointed with my lot lately. It is fairly uncharacteristic for me to feel pessimistic and frightened, but I have been.

On the surface everything is great though! I honestly cannot complain.

We have all that we need and we are healthy and (mostly) getting along well with each other happily.
The weather has been wonderful!
We've had a lovely family holiday in a lodge in Norfolk and were able to visit dear friends.
Lily is managing life so well it means she must be happy and stress free. Yay!
Harriet is pushing every limit she encounters in true 2 year old style! It is exhausting.
Hannon is designing games and creating his own redstone circuits whilst having agreed to go back to Scouts. Exciting times.
Dominik went to the cinema alone today (at his request), gave Hannon permission to use his PS4 whilst he was gone (arghhhhh, never happened before), had a shower before he went and loved every minute of it. So, so proud of his achievement.

The children have all been talking about their passions and what they see in their respective futures. They are all enthusiastic about their options and seem to be approaching the subject in unique ways.
Hannon is focused on being a game designer and is flowing with ideas of projects to work on with his friends.
Lily is drawing and offering her 'chibi' portraits for sale.
Dominik has asked to attend voice coaching tuition to improve his chances of becoming a professional voice actor.

Such wonderful, genuine aspirations that will allow them to live authentic lives and hopefully remain happy and safe. They all want to generate their incomes from their own talents.

They are all conscious that their choices allow them to travel in the future whilst they continue working! And they also know that they will be able to determine their own schedules to a large extent!

I've been talking about creating an income from one of my passions too, so I can completely relate to their emotions. I sometimes wish that I'd been encouraged to follow my instincts and had the freedom to develop my passions at their ages.

But I think that all of the above happened exactly because the last few weeks, until today, have been dull!

Since we returned from our holiday, we have kept our socialising to a minimum (and our spending) as we all needed to recharge, but it has made life a little quieter than usual.

Today was clearly the end of that cycle. It feels almost as if we flat-lined for a moment and then rebounded afresh!

I now realise, that for our family, a natural 'lull' is absolutely necessary in order for us to coalesce the knowledge we've each been gathering.
It's like the moment before you are finally able to make a decision about something you've been procrastinating over! And on a family sized scale!

The learning is happening for all of us all the time if we would only slow down enough to actually process each moment.

I feel so lucky to be able to offer my special needs children such a varied and interesting life.

N x

It's the moments that take your breath away.

Tonight I connected with my children in my favourite way.

We each spent some time reflecting on our day and listening to it from a different perspective. I would love to say we do this every night, but we don't! We often discuss particular events but we rarely talk about our entire day as we did tonight.

Lily came to tell me that she'd let the cat out, locked all the doors, turned off all the lights and folded up her clothes. I must have had the most dramatic change in demeanor because suddenly Lily was beside herself with joy! The feeling that engulfed me when she listed all the things she had just done (as well as being in her pajama's and having brushed her teeth) was one of utter love. I felt cared for, loved, heard and appreciated all at once.

Lily had done all of those jobs, in her own words, "Because I am getting older now and I need to learn to look after myself more." without any prompting at all from me.

My children are asked to help when needed, but are rarely required to do something for me when I ask (under threat or bribe). Lily has simply observed me and listened to my questions if she comes upstairs after I do, and learnt what jobs must be done before coming up to go to bed.

Of course she has!

In my deepest, most secure place I know my children are learning these things all the time, but at a shallower level, I still shit myself regularly that I'm doing this mum thing all wrong!

As Lily and I were talking, we discussed something that had happened when we had guests over this afternoon. Lily, plus 3 other children including Dominik, had been playing on the trampoline when Dominik pushed Lily and she fell into another child.

Lily hit her mouth and a massive meltdown ensued. She screamed at the top of her voice and listeners would have thought she was dying! Dominik simply climbed off the trampoline and said quietly that he was going inside.

I calmly tried to reassure Lily that she was ok and that she could have anything she needed to help her calm down. She was insistent that Dominik had hurt her lip on purpose. She did not comprehend that it was an accident. She assigned blame for her poorly mouth to the push from Dominik. She was inconsolable. :-(

When we talked about this before bed tonight, Lily said that she had acted childishly and that she was sorry for screaming. We decided to risk disturbing Dominik to tell him that we were both very proud of him, that we loved him and that Lily was sorry.

We first checked that all the doors were indeed locked (!), and then knocked on his door. He said we could come in and Lily, calmly and kindly, said she was sorry for what she did and that she knew he did not do it on purpose. He was visibly relieved and thanked Lily for coming to tell him.

Dominik interacted with two young men today, neither of whom are associated with particularly positive memories, and he did it amazingly well. I am so proud. He has had an abnormal sleep pattern again recently and has been really struggling to live with us all (and vice versa) but, the effort he has put in is paying off. I think he has realised, for the time being at least, that he does enjoy life when we spend more time together and that he can exercise some self control if he is able to pay attention.

Lily also played hostess today and loved it! She asked more than once if everyone was having a nice time (asking for a show of hands!), put food on plates and brought almost everything outside, all by herself. She was so proud to have been a help. It was amazing.

Hannon played happily with both of our visitors and didn't eat all the pizza before anyone else had had some! :-D He was also an amazing host. Polite, friendly and fun.

Harriet, and my lovely friend who babysat for me today (hey Sharon!), looked to have had an amazing time together too judging from the pictures! Harriet had looked forward to Sharon and Pepsi arriving all day so was quite happy for me to toddle off to my roller derby course without so much as a backwards glance!

Today I was so blessed.

Good friends. Lovely food. Fresh air. Roller skates. Love. Gratitude. Understanding. Learning. Happiness.

I'm pretty sure I could not ask for more.

Hope you all have a blessed week

N x


PS - UPDATE - Dominik has made some huge developmental leaps as a result of his brushing and movement therapy. For the first time ever he is becoming self-aware. The egocentricity, notable during toddler hood, is finally abating. He is starting to see that he is a part of a system and not alone in this place. He is taking better care of his immediate environment and is being more considerate than I had ever dared to hope for.

Small steps. Kind words. Patience.

Baby-wearing (28months, so not really a baby anymore!) my way through painting my garden furniture and cutting the grass!

#100daysofhomeed

Just wanted to add some pictures for a change.

Here are our bookcases! I have been thinking a lot about our journey and the prevailing theme is literature.

If you all read together, for pleasure, you can't go wrong.

Harriet's book box.

Lily's/family book shelf

Hannon's book shelf

Natasha's book shelf

And Dominik's to come (of course). :-)

Natasha x

Such good times!

It is important to write about the good times.

The past weeks have been so full of good times that I've not really had much time to take stock.

Tonight I did though.

I realised we have such a roll going right now that it is heart-warming and inspirational.

We have what I can only describe as a 'circle of happiness'. It works very simply....always be kind. That's it. If we are kinder to each other, we genuinely and actively live in a way that is kinder to ourselves. Happy people are kind people...don't you think? Are you more or less likely to do kind deeds if you are happy: or sad: or angry: or simply disinterested? You see my point.

Happiness breeds happiness if we all act on it. Easy.

Here's some happy for you!


Dominik has had an unprecedented number of hits on his YouTube channel and he is simply happier than I have EVER seen him before. He has over 100 subscribers now. He has had over 35,000 views of one particular video (which is not even a gaming video!).

It is lovely to see his joy, ease, calm, and more joy!

He now has two people collaborating with him too! They both lives overseas so collaboration presents some challenges. Plus, his collaboration tool kit is non existent. However, Dominik has just completed his first ever international collaboration. At 11 years old! He did it all with masses of support. He is so proud of himself. He is loving what he is doing. He is genuinely feeling inspired and motivated. He even began drawing on the pc today and made his first ever animation. It was excellent. I'll see if he wants to upload it I think.  :-)

He has also -
joined us on holiday
been to a Vintage Gaming Fair
been for two picnics
been to the cinema
been to a local fete on a sweltering day
been to Legoland
and finally met up with friends at a COUNTRY PARK!!!!

This is just the last three weeks. It is stunning in it's incessantness (is that a word...don't think so). Just exhilarating to be a part of.

Hannon, in addition to the above, has just been to his first ever camp. I honestly never thought this would happen. He has never spent one night away from me voluntarily. Not even to my mum's house which is less that 5 minutes away. This is a major achievement for Hannon. And he loved it. Bonus! He cannot wait to do one next month. He is happy and motivated like Dominik. What more can you ask?

Lily has also done all of the above, and stayed at my mum's house for two nights in a row (one was a sleepover with her two younger cousins) so as Dominik, Harriet and I could be alone (because it basically never happens). How thoughtful and kind of my incredibly sensitive, intuitive little girl. Her moods have wobbled at the extreme ends of the spectrum as a result of how intensely she has been pushing herself but I know she happier now than she was at the start of the week so that's what counts. She is happier. She is loving having her own laptop so she can play pc Minecraft. She has been using scratch to make animations which are really funny and so well drawn. I should ask Lily to upload too I think. That will make her happier too.

Happiness is simply contagious. There is a caveat though...you just have to actually be happy for it to work. If you are not being honest with yourself about what you want and how best to achieve it, you can't be truly happy and therefore the happiness will not spread as easily.

Harriet is just happy. (She is also still a mountaineer.) She graduated to climbing ladders in parks this week! She is calling me now. She is loving learning how to sign. We are doing animals this week and we've found that dolphins are easily signed and remembered after she saw a video of them. She is so independent and headstrong (yup, another one) and so much fun. She receives so much love from her siblings and I think she brings it to herself simply by just 'being'. We can learn a lot from babies. They are so pure. She is just one tiny bundle of love.

Thanks for reading.

N x