UNschooling Life

This past week has been an enlightening experience.

We've felt energised by the warmer temperatures and the first signs of Spring so we've been out of the house more than in it I think. Just amazing. At last!

We've been to a park almost everyday and visited Wrest Park yesterday, (all with the Slackline). We even went swimming today. All 5 of us! It was so fun and it went so well. Proud moments.

One trip however, does stand out because it involved a life changing discussion for us all.

My youngest son and I went to 'town' (rare event) to visit the library and collect my new glasses. The other 3 children stayed at home with their nan so it was a treat to be out, just us two for a change.

We ran our errands and then decided to go to CEX and look at the games because H had some birthday money to spend (from his Dad!). He spent £6.50 on two games and decided to give his change to the homeless man that had asked us for some just before we had entered the shop.

As he walked up to the man to give him his money, a lady walked past and shouted, "Get a f*C^ing job.". I felt so sad and angry and disappointed all at once. My stomach took a nosedive and I felt sick.

After several seconds, I realised that I was truly outraged. That someone could show such little compassion almost floored me. H didn't hear what she had said, but I was upset, and I repeated it to him. He was easily as angry as I was.

This event has led to several discussions over the following days about how this could have happened. When did it happen? Has it always been this way?

We have now discussed it at length, and we are all in agreement that the next time we should witness something like this, we should say something.

It is time to stand up and be heard.

The misfits. The hippies. The carers. The children. All of you (us).

It is incumbent upon us to act now. It is time.

We're not advocating anything other than being compassionate and empathetic during your daily lives. We should all be sharing our goodness and shining our own individual light on dark places and dark people and dark acts. Things have to change.

I have always wanted to be kind but I guess it is presented as something meek and gentle (not very me!), so is consequently seen as a weak characteristic.

I think it is time that 'being kind' was seen as also being a courageous and (sometimes) loud characteristic!

Why not? Why can't we be kind, loudly? Share your good deeds! Spread your fortune and count your blessings! Speak out against injustice. Don't just sign petitions! Use your voice.

Let's face it, we are the peacemakers! I know that it is so difficult to invite conflict into our lives. It is uncomfortable and stressful for us to 'draw attention' to ourselves. I truly understand. But it is time now.  

Has society become so lost that it cannot even recognise kindness anymore? What if it has?

 

The following quote keeps me searching, learning, speaking out and acting.

For me, this is what unschooling is all about. The impromptu lessons and experiences that are immeasurable in their impact.

What happened during these conversations is life long learning.

This week my children and I realised that being kind and empathetic are the lock and key to true happiness.

Sending out lots of love tonight,

N x

PS - A friend shared this with me once and it seems pertinent.

An explosion of new learning.

I am astounded by the capacity my children have for learning new skills and developing their personalities.

Dominik has tonight told me how he recently advocated for a friend in need. He described himself using, 'intellectual language' and said that although he had been nervous and had lisped, he felt as if he had communicated his points really well. He felt that the person to whom he had spoken had heard him and was considering his/his friends position.

He followed that up with throwing around the bottom halves of his crutches (that have only previously been used as weapons!) in the manner of a juggler/baton twirler. He was surprisingly good! He could do a lot of stunts all of which he had taught himself. Now in search of juggling pins!

I think that perhaps the most beautiful thing he told me was that he actively tries to make me laugh! He said I have a very serious face and that it transforms instantly when I laugh. I told him I thought of myself as a fun person...and he laughed! We are all going to have more fun and laugh even more in 2017, I know it.

Since the year began, Harriet has said; bed, poo, boo, up and hot! Incredible changes happening for her too, Her self-awareness, empathy (yes, she really is empathetic at 23 months old so it must be possible), joy and love, know no bounds. She can crack any silence with a 'yeah' and she can soothe any tears with her small hug and gentle pat on the back.

Lily is now actively learning to skate backwards and she was joined today at the roller skating disco by her two cousins (and step-cousin?!) which meant the world to her. She was patient, kind and fun even when confronted with the fact that she was now effectively a lone skater, because I wanted to spend time with the (as yet) non-skaters. Cheer leading reconvened today too and given that Lily has been under weather and not sleeping, she met and exceeded her own expectations with her management of the whole day. So happy for her.

Hannon, I am finally going to submit, is Autistic too. He has been stimming a lot. He has been very insular and hyper-focused too. I have always known he has an ASD but right now, it is challenging for him to manage. I think that having acknowledged it is there, he is going to manage better though...as we all will I'm sure. Bless him. So emotional and confused. He is currently dreading returning to Cubs due to an incident and series of events that I have yet to share here so that is undoubtedly contributing to his sensitive state. He also still does not know what he would like to try this term...argh! Oh, and he is very focused on food.

And finally me! So far this year, I have begun adopting a paleo eating style, I've picked a yoga class to attend at last! I've begun my first cross stitch. I've picked up my Spanish. I've started having counselling, I am also researching the following subjects - 'screen time', violent and fantasy based play and cooperations vs competition.

Oh, and the children and I have started to plan some trips! A new soft-play, a climbing taster session, a shooting taster and a potential weekly Spanish meet with a Peruvian lady are all in the planning.

We've had a quiet couple of months, which we definitely needed after the whirlwind that was 2016, but now that is done, we're good to go.

N x

And 2016 gets off to a flying start!

Where to begin?

Happy New Year to you all. What a whirlwind this year has been so far. It's like someone opened a door way or something. 'Stuff' (for want of a better word) is just flying into our lives,.

It is breathtaking in its speed.

But first a few thoughts on Christmas this time around.

Aside from one event, it was brilliant. I can honestly say it was all about the things that truly matter. No one was that fussed about presents (although they all love their tablets), it was about spending time together and having fun.

We had very few visitors but the ones there were made the event all the more special. I do wish visitors would have a little more time for everyone when they came though, but at least they care enough to come and see us. I love you all and we appreciate your time,

One small request on behalf of the kids before I move on,. Please try to to show a little interest in what they've been up to! I know its not the same as asking a child who goes to school, but try anyway! I know they bombard you with lots of information and that its mostly about things you've never hear of or things you have no interest in, but, well, ABC's  and mental arithmetic don't count as interesting either really if we're honest. What I am trying to say is that we should simply celebrate enthusiasm and happiness whatever the cause! My four would love to show you what they've been doing. They LOVE what they all do. Please, try to reserve judgement and witness what they are all achieving, even if it isn't something 'mainstream'. I think it is all the more impressive because it isn't! The 'mainstream' is exactly that...it is what most people can learn during the course of their everyday lives. It is the majority, the ;normal', the (dare I say it) mundane. Listen and watch what kids have to show or tell you, whoever they are. Listen even more carefully if they are passionate about it. This is where the true learning experience happens. Especially if they are passionate about. It is important to them. We ask children to pay heed to what is important for us (and society in general I guess) a lot  of the time but sometimes perhaps, we should spend some more time listening to them.

So, yes, where was I...The New Year!

Here's some of what has been going on. Obviously keeping a positive slant on it all. I don't find focussing on the bad bits helpful because they would then over shadow the progress and I don't want that! There have been some tough moments, of course, but what follows could not have happened as it did/does, without them. Every experience is a potential learning experience.

 # Lily!

Lily is pretty much reading fluently, and she is reading words that she doesn't know and they rarely pose a significant problem. She took to the 'hoverboard' like a duck to water. (No, it hasn't caught fire.) She was an amazing hostess at her own Birthday Party. She took to ice-skating like she was born to do it. She is a born 'mover'. Not sure where that will take her but I am sure it will be far. Her innate talent and the ease with which she learns new skills is inspiring. Her vocabulary and maturity also continue to amaze me. For example. we had our 11 year old dog, Tia, put to sleep in December and Lily chose to stay with her until the end (with my mum). Just incredible. The vet tried very hard to guilt me into removing her but I gave Lily the choice and respected her decision. She was amazingly pragmatic throughout. She was a little sad, but, she was also completely accepting and full of love. I am so proud of her. What an amazing human being. She has only spoken positively about Tia since she died and seems to be happy with the desicion she made. (As are Hannon, Dominik and I and we chose to leave.) Love you Lily.

 # Hannon

Hannon it seems is a GAME MAKER. He spends significant periods of time creating and refining various different game ideas. He researches his options. He learns from other people. He experiments with different ideas. He and Lily do 'voice-acting' for their own characters too! He also never. gives. up. His tenacity is awe-inspiring. He is so determined to succeed. It makes me so proud. He tampered a bit with magic over the holidays (and engineering) but has left those behind for the time being. He has also found the time to read at least 12 books since November and it is staring to get expensive!!! But, I obviously cannot complain.. It is simply a running joke.  I even went and bought him his own bookshelves and he is actually using them! Yay Hannon. I love you.

 # Dominik

Dominik has made some massive strides too. He has completed over a month of daily exercises designed to lengthen and strengthen the muscles etc in his lower legs. These can be painful and the demand from me is a daily one so I would never have guessed he would have this much staying power. He is giving this his all. I think a physiotherapist would be able to support him now he knows he can do it. Great progress.  He has also showered twice on the same day that I have asked him to do so! (A miracle for a child with PDA and SPD.) He has also been letting me brush his teeth...not everyday, but more than ever before! He continues to improve his sketching skills (with a new rubber and pencil sharpener) and practices almost daily. He has rediscovered his love of music and all things rhythm based. He seems to be 'pitch perfect'. He can whistle the tune his tablet whistles when he gets a notification and there is no discernible difference. He almost beat me at Just Dance too!!! (Unheard of!!! Along with Mario Kart, Just Dance is about the only other game at which I can do well!) He found something called a Lauchpad and is desperate to try one out. We discussed it and after having talked about the benefits of him having one of these, we actually discovered that he needs (and would prefer) an electric drum kit into which he can programme all the sounds he likes! And, the boon, we don't all have to listen to his creativity. (This will build on all the times we spent playing with Synthesia and a couple of other rhythm/music based visual games (DJ Hero being another)). I cannot begin to imagine what he will create but we are both itching to find out. I also think that the drum kit will have many more benefits...not least of which will be to further strengthen his legs and improve his physical health. His motor skills will also surely take another leap forward as will his proprioceptive skills I should think. This is just brilliant! Alongside his parkour and his rekindled love of creating his own smoothies really bodes well for the future! So proud Dominik, so proud of you. Mwah. Love you.

See, I told you 2016 hit the ground running!

And now for Harriet...well, that would be an essay! She's the best! You'd have to meet her to truly appreciate her awesomeness though. Suffice it to say, she LOVES to climb, point, bite and smile. :-P

And finally, here's my favourite (of favourite ever) picture of our Christmas 2015.

Too. Funny.

And no, Hannon was not like that all the time.

And a dear friend made all the hats for us. Thank you Cara!

Oh, and, the photo was taken by a lovely friend who spent Christmas Day with us. She also brought her beautiful shitzu -yorkie cross. We had such a lovely time.

It was certainly a Christmas that we will remember as being full of smiles and love.

Oh, and we did buy a few family games but by far our favourite is Sushi Go! Lots of fun. Deceptively simple, tactical card game that is hilarious and sneeky (think Uno I guess)!

Happy New Year!

N x

Christmastime!

Just wanted to drop a quick note to you all to wish you a peaceful and love filled Christmas.

This year the build up in our house has been unusual to say the least.

I opened their lists as usual, after Halloween, and closed them at the beginning of December. I had one request from Hannon and that was it!

It seems that this year, my kids achieved the ultimate goal of being satisfied with what they already have.

If someone had ever even suggested to me that my children would have empty Christmas lists I would never have believed them. But, this year, they did and it has made me very happy.

Domink, who usually struggles to hold it together at all at this time of year is positively chipper! He tried ice-skating this week (!!!), has been fully participating in his parkour classes and even having an extra half an hour, one-to-one tuition every week (and loving it)! He has been exercising AT HOME DAILY!!! (Those of you who have less than athletic children will understand the enormity of that one thing alone!) He is not fighting it. He has not refused to do them once in over a week! He is even beginning to notice his appearance changing as he slims down, livens up and feels more positive about his self-image for the first time since he was a small boy.

He has only asked one question about what Christmas presents he is going to get and I answered it. He has yet to ask any more. This is bordering on the twilight zone right now!! He hasn't even been opening his Advent Calendar!! Incredible.

I had no idea that this was possible for Dominik. To see him happy, content, cheerfully optimistic, participating and enjoying life is the greatest feeling ever!

Although, one other thing does come close! Some of you may remember that last year he drew me a Toothless (from 'How to Train Your Dragon'), well, this year, he bought me one!!! He didn't even make me wait until Christmas to have it!! He bought it for me with his own money and at his own suggestion. What a feeling this is.

So, I guess I just wanted to say that working with your children, allowing them their space and thinking time, really can elicit great changes. I have truly practiced gentle parenting this year with great success. Harriet I think has been largely responsible for that blessing. And, as a result, my son (in particular and only highlighted because of this particular blog post) is growing into a delightful young man. He is always searching for ways to better manage himself and identify his own needs and he more often than not, does the right thing what given the chance to do so. What a little star.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year everyone.

On to 2016!

N x

Thinking about respect.

Last night I was kept awake by a series of persistent thoughts focussing on the concept of respect.

The thoughts consisted mostly of questions and I thought I'd share them here, if only to stop them nagging me!

We constantly ask for respect from those around us, but how well do we demonstrate the concept?
Is it something that is easier said than done?
What are the consequences of a lack of respect?
What other virtues arise as a consequence of respect?
Is it the cornerstone of good relationships?
Is self-respect a consequence of living surrounded by respect?

As an unschooling/life learning household respect is something we talk about a lot. Our lives are so intimately linked that often times respect becomes the lynch pin of our day to day life. Afterall, how else would we ever get anything done!?

For example, I need to run some errands and my youngest children (7 and 5 years old) are too young to stay home alone so I tell them what I need to do and explain that they need to come along. They are both busy (one playing Ratchet and Clank and one watching My Little Pony) so we talk about how long they both need to finish what they are doing and agree when we will be ready to leave. When the time comes, we leave without a fuss. Phew.

I think that this approach is particularly helpful with Aspie children and especially for those with PDAs (I am going to write about PDAs in more detail in the coming days) because it allows them to have both have some control over their time and it give them time to prepare themselves for the upcoming transition (which we all know is very hard). There are no surprises (or at least very few) and when there are, the children are better able to manage them as they know that it really is unavoidable.

I think the anxieties associated with Autistic Spectrum Disorders are lessened if the person feels in control. We are extremely privileged in that we can afford to spend the time respecting one another's needs and quirks.

Now, some of my family have said that I am setting my children up for a gigantic fall because the world doesn't work that way in general. I agree! The world is not always respectful. However, I completely disagree with that being a good enough reason to not live this way.

Which brings me back to my original thought. The more respectful you are, the more respectful your friends and family will be and consequently, perhaps, the world will be too. How can that be a bad thing?

I firmly believe in the Ghandi quote, "Be the change you wish to see in the world". I want my children to learn by example. Just because I don't think what they are doing is 'valuable', it does not mean that it is not. Who am I to judge? How would you feel if someone diminished your passions? How different would your life have been had someone let you spend four hours colouring your picture to the best of your ability? Or letting you devour book after book alone in your bedroom?

I firmly believe in empowerment and I think that the best way to empower and prepare my children for their future is to let them discover who they are, what they love and where they want their lives to go.  I have long since let go of the notion that I know what's best for them (having a child with PDAs tends to do that). I don't. I can neither see the future nor can I dictate how they spend their time. and who they are.I resent people dictating to me and I see no reason why I should dictate to someone else.

As my children grow up to explore the world on their own, which I firmly believe they will, they will do so standing firmly in their own power and refusing to let people bully and manipulate them.

N x