Progress

Something happened tonight.

I realised that my joy genuinely drives our family joy. When I am focussed and charged my energy seeps through everyone in my family. (My mum starts being complementary and butt-kissing so I know it must be there!)

For the past 5/6 weeks I have been obsessed with the idea of moving to another country within the next two years. This means that I have been binge learning Spanish, and trying to understand proofreading and transcription work, and I have taken (and passed with Distinction), an online TESOL course.

Being Autistic means I am capable of hyper-focus. Hyper-focus is in fact, my preferred state of being. I am learning so much that I can breeze through every other aspect of life. It's like my mind is so focussed on something positive, that everything else becomes very organised and almost military in its flow.

When I am truly inspired to do something I cannot help but focus on it. In this I am blessed.

So, over the past 5-ish weeks, I have taken great leaps towards achieving what I want for my family. The freedom to live anywhere we choose.

I have found many good online courses, for reasonable amounts of money, being delivered by people just like me! People who just gave their dream a real chance! I have found endless opportunities for work if I should choose to accept them. Proofreading, copy editing, captioning and transcription jobs are abundant! ESL teachers are in huge demand. The future is on the internet, which will lead onto the main point of this blog in a minute, but a quick aside.

(For a few years now I have despaired at ever being able to realise some of my own dreams. Now that is changing. Everything is aligned so that I can finally take another forward step.)

In my endless research into jobs, countries and lifestyles, I came across a job opportunity with a very famous game making company! It was not a job suited to my talents at all...but it was perfect for my oldest son. I sent him the link and he immediately came to me with ideas which I then submitted. He is buzzing with positive energy. He realised that he has a true talent in writing.

He can caption/vine/meme as if he were born to do it!

As he just said to me, ‘I’m overqualified for the internet!’ And he’s right! He has been information hungry since he came Earthside (and a fair bit before that too, to be fair) and his love of learning has been thoroughly sated by having access to the internet since he was very young. He was around 2 when he continually tried to break into our password protected pc (repeatedly and very often, ie every two minutes until someone caught him) so we had to show him how to use it or else we would not have had a pc anymore!

Dominik is the internet. He does not watch tv shows very much at all but he does read/play/investigate/learn, pretty much all day long. The internet is his environment. He understands it and moves in it as if he is a part of it.

Dominik is truly a child of the internet. He is discerning, open minded, generous, anarchistic, accepting, knowledgeable, witty and intelligent.

Writing comes so naturally to someone like Dominik who has done nothing but read since he taught himself at 3 years old by reading Thomas the Tank Engine by Rev. W Audrey (the original books not the new, simpler, modern versions).

Reading and English are his talents. I have always known this.

I am so grateful that I trusted him to know what was best for himself even when my entire being screamed, ‘nooooooooooooooooo’! Adn to be honest, still does on a regular basis.

Tonight I was overwhelmed with pride and confusion when once again unschooling/self directed learning triumphed over what can be an utterly paralysing condition.

I find myself trying to imagine what Domink would think of English and reading and IT, if he had been forced to read, write and learn what OTHERS thought he should for the majority of his time! It makes me feel so sad to think about it.

Dominik has been taking some online spelling/grammar/punctuation/typing, tests and he is finding them incredibly easy.

He is taking these with enthusiasm...a PDA child voluntary testing themselves. Who’d have thought it?! Well, anyone who has a working knowledge of PDA children and adults would definitely know this! When motivated to do something not much will get in their way so long as they are supported and nurtured through the process.

I guess my point is that, it takes huge leaps of faith to achieve the life you dream of but they are worth it. Do the work and pay attention to what gets you further along your path and the goal becomes less important. The path is what matters...it paves the way for the dreams.

Start leaping!

N x 

PS - Harriet has also said she'd like to give going to nursery another try...so here we go! 

 

Contemplating Snowflakes

Whilst Lily and I were making paper craft snowflakes this evening loads of things occurred that I felt compelled to share!

Firstly, it was unanimous, amoung our little family at least, that the 6 pointed snowflakes looked amazing when compared with the 4 pointed snowflakes.

We asked eachother why and had a nice discussion about nature, Fibonacci numbers, symmetry, tessellation, fractions and probably a couple of other things too! Win, win with a spontaneous and cool Christmas craft!

The snowflakes also brought to light a few other things unrelated to the snowflakes themselves.

Lily found it really hard. Overall. Not just one part. She could not imagine the completed snowflake in her head and even after she had cut one, she had to refold it and study what she had done in order to draw another. She also could not follow a pattern. Whilst she was designing her snowflake, she constantly unfolded and refolded, indicating again that she was unable to imagine what it may look like in the end (when unfolded). She point blank (read - after a huge meltdown), refused to use the second method we found for folding the paper (the one that created the 6 pointed snowflakes) because she thought the first method was easier. And finally, she found the cutting really stressful. She was breathing hard and then holding her breathe. She was groaning and gnarling with frustration. She was terrified she would cut her design too far and ruin it. She did actually do this a couple of times and both were snowflakes were violently screwed up and thrown across the table.

However, she is now happily sat making her snowflakes, her way and she is improving fast! Oh, and they are being stuck all over the house! :-)

During the snowflake making, Dominik came into the kitchen with his office chair, tablet, hat and headphones so that I could do his daily neurodevelopmental exercises. Amazing. I didn't even ask him to come. He wandered in and was ready to get started.

Well, that didn't last long. It really was too good to be true.

Let me explain why I think Dominik then had a huge meltdown (larger than he's experienced in a fair few weeks).

On Wednesday, we're going to see Hamilton in London. I cannot recall if I have ever mentioned his obsession with the musical in this blog, but, it's been there, for probably around 9 months now. He knows all the words to a large chunk of the songs. He has researched it's performers and writer, read parts of the Benjamin Franklin papers, learned some American History, spent hours singing the songs and has generally been very Autistic about it!

It's heavily on his mind and is basically replacing Christmas as his 'event' this year. Everything in his life revolves around 7.30pm Wednesday night. He is excited, terrified, nervous, angry, thankful and anxious all the time.

So, back to the kitchen, the reason he was unable to even start his therapy is because he started talking to me about his sleep pattern. It is all over the place and he has been trying  to 'correct it' (his words, not mine). As he sat on his chair he asked me what I thought he could do to try and ensure he does not feel tired during our evening out to see Hamilton (which is in fact a late afternoon to an early morning in reality) and I answered him.
That was my mistake. He did not actually want to hear my suggestions (turn everything off, have a warm milk, put on the fan for white noise and stay in bed to relax and, hopefully at the very least, help his body understand that it is bed time now), what he wanted was a big hug and some empathy.

Soooooo, mine were not helpful suggestions in the circumstances. They were stupid, useless, a waste of time and obviously not going to work for him (his words). Sigh. He stomped off. Slammed his chair against the kitchen cupboards and slammed his bedroom door for good measure.

I probably should have seen it coming when I noticed that his actions were literally, 'too good to be true' but I didn't. I was worn out from calming and coaching Lily for half an hour. I was brain numb from talking about Fibonacci and geometry. I was excited that Dominik was doing something VOLUNTARILY that I have literally had to beg him to do every. single. day. since September. I missed the clues!

But, here I am now, analyzing what happened and seeing it all more clearly.

I think that's why I write this blog. Having no partner to reflect with means that I have to get the thoughts out somewhere! Ta-da! :-)

Dominik will be ok. I will go downstairs now and give him that hug and tell him that of course he won't feel tired and that of course he WILL NOT fall asleep on Wednesday! And that it is going to be perfect.

Thanks for reading!

N x

PS - Snowflakes also made me think of a friend who lost a loved one this week and send her a little extra prayer. Life is just so precious and fleeting, much like snowflakes themselves, so love each other and be kind. <3

PPS - Lily is writing her first manga! Just giving it a mention because otherwise I will never remember when she wrote it!

There is ALWAYS more to learn.

The home education community is currently feeling under attack once again. (There is a pattern.)

Lord Soley's bill had its second reading in the House of Lords last week and is proceeding to the committee stage whereby amendments and changes can be made before it is presented again.

My mood is wobbling between screaming, "I told you so!" to anyone who will listen/hiding from all social media/springing into direct, offensive action or, starting some process of family defense!

Amidst all of this angst though, I think the above title is vitally important.
I am desperately trying not to lose sight of what I love about my family life and why we choose to live as we do.

The title of this post is the reason why I LOVE home education, and especially unschooling.

We are all always learning and we know that there is ALWAYS more to learn. We are never done.

In my house:

• We do not kid ourselves that it is only during 'lesson time' that we are learning something important. 
• We do not wait for someone else to suddenly impart the knowledge we need upon us.
• We do not believe that all there is that is worth learning comes in bite-size chunks in age appropriate categories and can only be delivered by 'qualified' teachers.

The thought of having to teach my children a prescribed curriculum and subject them to standardised testing, just sucks all the joy, spontaneity, creativity and desire OUT of our learning experience and therefore our family lives. If they wanted to learn in a traditional way, they would all choose to be in school (yes, they have the choice and their voices are loud and clear let me assure you :-D).

If the Lords wish to have a larger say in how I educate my children (or how they educate themselves for that matter), they had best be providing the funds for me to do it! This is of course in the same way that they would fund a school! If the Lords want that right then they need to accept the financial responsibility too. I am almost certain that this is not something they would consider.
 
I perhaps would not be quite so bothered by their interest if it weren't for the fact that modern science has demonstrated over and over again that active, effective, long term learning does not happen in a classroom style environment!

Academics have also proven that delaying formal learning IMPROVES long term results.
We know that intrinsic motivation is key and yet we push more and more external rewards.
We also know that homework has no significant, measurable effect on results and yet it is still mandatory in many schools.
We know that our school population are in the poorest mental health EVER in history and yet nothing is being done about it.


Obviously nothing about the bill is set in stone (indeed it may come to absolutely nothing, although I highly doubt it), and I am largely speculating about what might happen in the future, but I think it is safe to say that child led learning (that looks entirely different than 'mainstream' learning) will be more difficult to 'justify' to the local government representatives when they come around for their mandatory home visits.

I find the notion of my children studying a curriculum completely baffling. Why would you want your children to learn facts and information that come from limited and biased sources? Why would you want your children memorising information and 'facts' that are at best of date and at worst incorrect? Why would you want them to be basically the same as every other child? Why would you want to risk their mental health and well being as well as their curiosity and enthusiasm? (NB - I am speaking ONLY for myself.)

I am aware that I am using broad strokes when speaking about school and school children.
I am aware that there are many children who love school.
And to that I say, "Thank goodness!".
Please do not think for one second I am hoping to ban schools or discourage those who love it from attending. I most definitely am not.  Each to their own provided there is no actual harm.

What I am doing is defending my right to make different choices, and the rights of my children to follow their interests, talents, skills and hobbies in their own time and in their own way.

Speaking only for my family, we are active, self-motivated learners. Our minds are waiting all the time to glean some nuance we missed before. Or to hear a new word or explore a new idea. Our lifestyle facilitates our learning.

We embrace our lives as a part of the whole 'lesson'. To spend these precious years in a government institution seems like a huge waste of time and opportunity to me. Again, just speaking for myself.

There are many lessons in this experience too I'm sure and I hope we can all explore them together.

Please, when the time comes, stand by me and my family and help us protect our right to learn in a way that is most meaningful to us.

Join the discussion. This affects us all.

Thanks for reading my tired, our of practice ramblings.

N x

An explosion of new learning.

I am astounded by the capacity my children have for learning new skills and developing their personalities.

Dominik has tonight told me how he recently advocated for a friend in need. He described himself using, 'intellectual language' and said that although he had been nervous and had lisped, he felt as if he had communicated his points really well. He felt that the person to whom he had spoken had heard him and was considering his/his friends position.

He followed that up with throwing around the bottom halves of his crutches (that have only previously been used as weapons!) in the manner of a juggler/baton twirler. He was surprisingly good! He could do a lot of stunts all of which he had taught himself. Now in search of juggling pins!

I think that perhaps the most beautiful thing he told me was that he actively tries to make me laugh! He said I have a very serious face and that it transforms instantly when I laugh. I told him I thought of myself as a fun person...and he laughed! We are all going to have more fun and laugh even more in 2017, I know it.

Since the year began, Harriet has said; bed, poo, boo, up and hot! Incredible changes happening for her too, Her self-awareness, empathy (yes, she really is empathetic at 23 months old so it must be possible), joy and love, know no bounds. She can crack any silence with a 'yeah' and she can soothe any tears with her small hug and gentle pat on the back.

Lily is now actively learning to skate backwards and she was joined today at the roller skating disco by her two cousins (and step-cousin?!) which meant the world to her. She was patient, kind and fun even when confronted with the fact that she was now effectively a lone skater, because I wanted to spend time with the (as yet) non-skaters. Cheer leading reconvened today too and given that Lily has been under weather and not sleeping, she met and exceeded her own expectations with her management of the whole day. So happy for her.

Hannon, I am finally going to submit, is Autistic too. He has been stimming a lot. He has been very insular and hyper-focused too. I have always known he has an ASD but right now, it is challenging for him to manage. I think that having acknowledged it is there, he is going to manage better though...as we all will I'm sure. Bless him. So emotional and confused. He is currently dreading returning to Cubs due to an incident and series of events that I have yet to share here so that is undoubtedly contributing to his sensitive state. He also still does not know what he would like to try this term...argh! Oh, and he is very focused on food.

And finally me! So far this year, I have begun adopting a paleo eating style, I've picked a yoga class to attend at last! I've begun my first cross stitch. I've picked up my Spanish. I've started having counselling, I am also researching the following subjects - 'screen time', violent and fantasy based play and cooperations vs competition.

Oh, and the children and I have started to plan some trips! A new soft-play, a climbing taster session, a shooting taster and a potential weekly Spanish meet with a Peruvian lady are all in the planning.

We've had a quiet couple of months, which we definitely needed after the whirlwind that was 2016, but now that is done, we're good to go.

N x

Problems of an Autist!

Today, Dominik saw the physiotherapist for a progress report and he has been discharged! 

This is as a direct result of his dedication and resolve. The improvement seen by us (and confirmed by Sebastian) is remarkable. He has a normal bend at his ankle already (the surgeon was worried that he would not even be able to get it to 90 degrees, let alone exceed it!). I am so thrilled for him. He is elated. Genuinely happy with a real world achievement. Properly proud of himself. For a person with PDA this is a massive accomplishment. 

He has finally dedicated himself to something and it has PAID OFF! No begging. No bribing. No threatening. Not even any nagging! 

He is finally seeing what I have known was there all along...huge potential. He told me himself that he has had a massive confidence boost. 

This operation was a catalyst for him even though I was so angry with myself for letting it happen. Ultimately it seems that it was for the best. 

It has provided the ideal test for Dominik. His well-being and quality of life were truly on the line and he rose to the challenge in a super-human way.

Keep the faith lovelies. <3

And now, on to Autist problems!

Because Dominik has now recovered (and exceeded expectations!), I need to book our rifle shooting classes! 

(I am sure I can almost hear the hysterical laughter coming from fellow PDA warriors!)

In writing the email (because I don't do phone calls) I became acutely aware of the reality of Dominik and people and ammunition all in the same place in real life. I'll be honest here, I'd have chosen pretty much any other sport/hobby/activity first. 

I intended to write a standard enquiry email but it became what I am sharing below. It includes some pertinent points and I'm proud of my advocacy...I think. 

And therein lies the Autist problem...was I too honest? 

Is writing an email like this a good idea? 

Have I prejudiced them from the outset? 

Should I have let him try? 

Urgh. This is so confusing for me and I have no idea if it would be confusing for a neurotypical parent! 

Here's the email

"Hi, 

My names Natasha.

I would like to bring my 12 year old son along to have a taster session with a view to both of us taking beginner classes.

I think it would be £60 each (plus the £5 each for safety and taster?) is this right?

My son has special needs (ASD) so I am joining him as his carer. I do not however envisage any problems outside of over-enthusiasm and possibly over-confidence!

He has just had an operation on both of his Achilles Tendons and as a result, can now stand properly. on his flat feet for the first time since he was around 8 year old. 

His amazing management of the surgery and his recovery are the main reason we are coming. It is the only hobby he is willing to try and I’d love for this to be a success.

He is home educated so is used to being self-directed. His only other 'class' has been parkour (free-running) and he was forced to stop that due to his shortened Achilles tendons which meant he could not balance well enough to progress.

He is a massive fan of weapons in general as a result of his love for COD games and other first person shooters.

To give you an idea of his dedication to the subject, one of his last full days out was to Wrest Park for a St George’s Day event. He was able to identify pretty much every weapon he saw in each 'zone'. It was so much fun and he impressed those who bothered to actually listen to what he was saying/asking.

Please confirm that it would be ok for us to come along, or if you think there may be a different way to give him (us) a taster, I’m happy to hear any suggestions?

Finally, would you please confirm/suggest dates as soon as possible so I can plan things accordingly.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Happy New Year,

Natasha"

Did I over share? Did I advocate? I don't know but I'm looking forward to finding out.

In other news, Harriet is still a climber and will be visiting a local climbing centre this month, Hannon cannot decide on any new classes this term and has refused climbing, kayaking (because of the day of the week) and archery. Lily is devoted to roller skating and is improving fast. We have a bet on now that if she can beat me in a race before Easter she can have a new pair of skates of her choice. I cannot wait to see her skills develop. Lily is also learning Spanish and will continue with Beavers and Cheer-leading. 

As for me, I'm itching to begin a career. I just cannot decide which area I want to focus on. I am torn between gaining a TEFL qualification (so we can travel again) and following my heart towards working with families and children and young people. Such a big choice...could I manage both?!

Enough from me. There is a sleep-over here tonight and as you can imagine, there is not going to be any sleep happening!

Happy New Year. 

May 2017 being you joy, health and love.

N x

PS - 

The bad and the good.

I have come to believe that after the bad comes the good.

I am not sure whether or not this is actually a philosophical question (a la Augustine) but for us, when there has been a true sh*t storm, there then comes a precious calm.

During this awkward time of  such rampant and blatant persecution in our country (world?) (whether that be because of your religion, race, disability, sexual preference, choice to home educate etc etc etc) big things are happening.

In the last week I have spoken to three different parents who had just/were about to de-register their children from school.

It is almost as if, by way of their blatant persecution and singling out of the alternative education community (NSPCC report, the saddening, recent (but not current) story about the little boy in Wales, the supposed ' hidden' ulterior motive whereby parents mean to 'radicalise' children, Loose Women), the government have in fact created a tidal wave of people having a closer look at this area.

So, for home education, one of my passions, parents are actually considering the question on a massive scale. This is giving the home education community an unprecedented opportunity to discuss their choice rationally, animatedly and perhaps most importantly, logically (because the success of individualised learning is well known and should be the gold standard for every educational establishment, not just home education), In this article from 2010 in the Guardian newspaper, you can see this quite clearly.

So, yes, this full frontal assault has resulted in an amazing opportunity for everyone. Let's talk about it. Properly. Using evidence and experience and whilst feeling confident in our ability to make the best choice for our family. Let's not fight amongst ourselves.

It is really no one else's business how you and I as parents choose to educate our child/ren. We're all doing our best!

The major point to be taken from these kinds of massive, light-shedding events (specifically the home education events in this instance) is that all choices/options are valid. We can't like them all (some are truly horrifying indeed in the broadest sense of these events) but we have to respect peoples rights to make them all.  It sucks at times, but mostly it is what makes us free. Choice, as they say in 'The Matrix', is the problem.

But, I digress, what inspired me to write this post in the first place, is my current experience with my kids.

This past week has been truly horrendous at times, ('throwing in the towel' kind of horrendous) but, that utter madness has been concluded with exactly the opposite degree of madness.

The level of achievement in my house right now!

The communication, the the life skills, positivity, learning ...you name it. I am so energised by the progress occurring in my house that I am hardly needing to sleep! For the first time in my life I am surviving on about 6 hours...and not feeling tired! Something must be fuelling me and I think it is the children.

Harriet is apparently in training to one day climb Mount Everest! She would surely be 'The World's Climbing Champion' ... in the under 12 months category!!! She is so fast, so sure footed and so determined. I simply stand by her and help her learn how to do it safely. It is heart-stoppingly nerve-racking but it is so worth it! She goes easily and confidently up the stairs now. She can get down from a bed. She attempts to climb up into her high chair and will push things around to climb somewhere she wants to go but can't!! She is also loving a set of little stackable eggs with a duckling in the middle. Watching her figure out how to do it is so fun. She also LOVES being read and sung to. 'Dear Zoo' and any song will do.

Lily has suddenly, and I mean over night, gone from not doing any maths to doing additions of three figure numbers, subtractions of three figure numbers and is beginning to understand the idea of 'times tables' and why they are helpful.

As an aside, I feel that school does this the wrong way around. They try to teach the times tables before children learn for themselves why they are good to learn! It is much easier when the child is motivated by their own experience to explain to them a new concept which they now know, will be helpful to them now, and in the future.

Dominik has yet to 'avoid' a single day of his physiotherapy work. He is still doing parkour. He too has suddenly found the relevant patterns in maths (but still won't work with any odd numbers!!!). He is also trying his hand at his first model kit. Loving it, but finding it challenging for his fine motor skills. Excellent! Oh, and he bought a comic with his own money! Unheard of. He is reading again.

(We realised tonight that we all have our own bookshelves..such a lovely moment.)

Hannon has just simply worked like a trojan on his coding. But, alas, I truly have no idea how well he is doing. I know that he is not nine yet, and that he began learning at the end of October after doing two tutorials with me, but is his progress considered 'good'?

Meh, who cares! Hannon is learning so much, so fast, and with so much enthusiasm that I do not think that the kindest measurement of this is one that means he feels he is in competition with anyone aside from himself! If he is happy with what he is learning, that is good enough for me. He is achieving to his highest possible standard. Brilliant.

He is also still attending Cubs after asking to quit in October! He's slightly wary but knows that I will allow him to stop at the end of any month if he wants to. But that has not happened yet!

He is actively enjoying things now. Partly because the pressure if off to stay and partly because the activities have suddenly become slightly more 'challenging' and it turns out, that he is excelling! Now that the number of 'games' that he doesn't know have decreased the tables have turned.

He has, on two occasions, been the only child to successfully complete both the co-ordinates task (he was also, coincidentally, the only child there who had not 'done them already') and the first aid task! He was STUNNED and so bloody proud. He really stands out among his peers when it comes to his ability to learn new skills (what we focus on most I guess...not what to learn, but how to learn) and the speed with which he can acquire them if he wants to.

He's a hidden, understated little gem. I cannot believe the grace with which he is growing up given that he is enveloped by two such demanding, strenuous siblings. He is my inspiration.

They all are. I just feel so privileged to be on this journey with them all.

To end, I have these motifs in my bedroom. Call me sentimental but they really do help.

Don't let anyone dull your sparkle
Be the change you wish to see in the world
She can do it
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain
When it rains look for rainbows, when it's dark, look for stars

I have more than those but they are the only ones I can read from where I am sitting! :-)

My hope is that you feel inspired by this to consider your own challenges and demands in a slightly different way for a moment or two.

Without the bad, I wouldn't have the good.

Sleep well.

N x

PS - I am tired now but I want to publish, so please excuse any typos. :-)

And 2016 gets off to a flying start!

Where to begin?

Happy New Year to you all. What a whirlwind this year has been so far. It's like someone opened a door way or something. 'Stuff' (for want of a better word) is just flying into our lives,.

It is breathtaking in its speed.

But first a few thoughts on Christmas this time around.

Aside from one event, it was brilliant. I can honestly say it was all about the things that truly matter. No one was that fussed about presents (although they all love their tablets), it was about spending time together and having fun.

We had very few visitors but the ones there were made the event all the more special. I do wish visitors would have a little more time for everyone when they came though, but at least they care enough to come and see us. I love you all and we appreciate your time,

One small request on behalf of the kids before I move on,. Please try to to show a little interest in what they've been up to! I know its not the same as asking a child who goes to school, but try anyway! I know they bombard you with lots of information and that its mostly about things you've never hear of or things you have no interest in, but, well, ABC's  and mental arithmetic don't count as interesting either really if we're honest. What I am trying to say is that we should simply celebrate enthusiasm and happiness whatever the cause! My four would love to show you what they've been doing. They LOVE what they all do. Please, try to reserve judgement and witness what they are all achieving, even if it isn't something 'mainstream'. I think it is all the more impressive because it isn't! The 'mainstream' is exactly that...it is what most people can learn during the course of their everyday lives. It is the majority, the ;normal', the (dare I say it) mundane. Listen and watch what kids have to show or tell you, whoever they are. Listen even more carefully if they are passionate about it. This is where the true learning experience happens. Especially if they are passionate about. It is important to them. We ask children to pay heed to what is important for us (and society in general I guess) a lot  of the time but sometimes perhaps, we should spend some more time listening to them.

So, yes, where was I...The New Year!

Here's some of what has been going on. Obviously keeping a positive slant on it all. I don't find focussing on the bad bits helpful because they would then over shadow the progress and I don't want that! There have been some tough moments, of course, but what follows could not have happened as it did/does, without them. Every experience is a potential learning experience.

 # Lily!

Lily is pretty much reading fluently, and she is reading words that she doesn't know and they rarely pose a significant problem. She took to the 'hoverboard' like a duck to water. (No, it hasn't caught fire.) She was an amazing hostess at her own Birthday Party. She took to ice-skating like she was born to do it. She is a born 'mover'. Not sure where that will take her but I am sure it will be far. Her innate talent and the ease with which she learns new skills is inspiring. Her vocabulary and maturity also continue to amaze me. For example. we had our 11 year old dog, Tia, put to sleep in December and Lily chose to stay with her until the end (with my mum). Just incredible. The vet tried very hard to guilt me into removing her but I gave Lily the choice and respected her decision. She was amazingly pragmatic throughout. She was a little sad, but, she was also completely accepting and full of love. I am so proud of her. What an amazing human being. She has only spoken positively about Tia since she died and seems to be happy with the desicion she made. (As are Hannon, Dominik and I and we chose to leave.) Love you Lily.

 # Hannon

Hannon it seems is a GAME MAKER. He spends significant periods of time creating and refining various different game ideas. He researches his options. He learns from other people. He experiments with different ideas. He and Lily do 'voice-acting' for their own characters too! He also never. gives. up. His tenacity is awe-inspiring. He is so determined to succeed. It makes me so proud. He tampered a bit with magic over the holidays (and engineering) but has left those behind for the time being. He has also found the time to read at least 12 books since November and it is staring to get expensive!!! But, I obviously cannot complain.. It is simply a running joke.  I even went and bought him his own bookshelves and he is actually using them! Yay Hannon. I love you.

 # Dominik

Dominik has made some massive strides too. He has completed over a month of daily exercises designed to lengthen and strengthen the muscles etc in his lower legs. These can be painful and the demand from me is a daily one so I would never have guessed he would have this much staying power. He is giving this his all. I think a physiotherapist would be able to support him now he knows he can do it. Great progress.  He has also showered twice on the same day that I have asked him to do so! (A miracle for a child with PDA and SPD.) He has also been letting me brush his teeth...not everyday, but more than ever before! He continues to improve his sketching skills (with a new rubber and pencil sharpener) and practices almost daily. He has rediscovered his love of music and all things rhythm based. He seems to be 'pitch perfect'. He can whistle the tune his tablet whistles when he gets a notification and there is no discernible difference. He almost beat me at Just Dance too!!! (Unheard of!!! Along with Mario Kart, Just Dance is about the only other game at which I can do well!) He found something called a Lauchpad and is desperate to try one out. We discussed it and after having talked about the benefits of him having one of these, we actually discovered that he needs (and would prefer) an electric drum kit into which he can programme all the sounds he likes! And, the boon, we don't all have to listen to his creativity. (This will build on all the times we spent playing with Synthesia and a couple of other rhythm/music based visual games (DJ Hero being another)). I cannot begin to imagine what he will create but we are both itching to find out. I also think that the drum kit will have many more benefits...not least of which will be to further strengthen his legs and improve his physical health. His motor skills will also surely take another leap forward as will his proprioceptive skills I should think. This is just brilliant! Alongside his parkour and his rekindled love of creating his own smoothies really bodes well for the future! So proud Dominik, so proud of you. Mwah. Love you.

See, I told you 2016 hit the ground running!

And now for Harriet...well, that would be an essay! She's the best! You'd have to meet her to truly appreciate her awesomeness though. Suffice it to say, she LOVES to climb, point, bite and smile. :-P

And finally, here's my favourite (of favourite ever) picture of our Christmas 2015.

Too. Funny.

And no, Hannon was not like that all the time.

And a dear friend made all the hats for us. Thank you Cara!

Oh, and, the photo was taken by a lovely friend who spent Christmas Day with us. She also brought her beautiful shitzu -yorkie cross. We had such a lovely time.

It was certainly a Christmas that we will remember as being full of smiles and love.

Oh, and we did buy a few family games but by far our favourite is Sushi Go! Lots of fun. Deceptively simple, tactical card game that is hilarious and sneeky (think Uno I guess)!

Happy New Year!

N x

A kind of 'Unschool'?

So, I've been thinking a lot about school as I am surrounded by reminders of it right now.

What if there was a kind of school where it was no longer necessary to use our chosen 'labels'? We define and categorise all children in one way or another all the time. Whether it be by age, gender, ability, religion, special educational needs, levels of potential attainment etc etc.

Surely by using these labels we are reinforcing the very need for these labels because we continue to categorise, and completely unintentionally, stigmatise, our children?

What if we had a school system that was by its very nature all-embracing? Where nobody was stigmatised. Would we not then grow a society that was also, all-embracing and non-stigmatising?

By removing categories that are essentially arbitrary choices of measurement anyway, we would be more open to measuring children (and society) in more meaningful ways.

Do our adopted measurements and categories really tell us what we need to know about our children anyway?

Would it not be nicer to offer our children a far wider choice of how they spend their time? Would it not be far easier to STOP categorising our children in unhelpful ways and START letting them find their own groups and interests?

By letting children choose their activities to a far greater extent, surely we would then see a whole different set of categories emerge? These categories would paint a beautifully intricate and interesting pattern I am certain of it.

My sociology head says it would be fascinating to watch and see what happened to a self-selecting group of children if given free-reign within a larger learning arena. Would they grow up to become dissatisfied adults or wholesome, well-rounded individuals? Would they be in jobs they hate or would they be following their passion?

NB - Whilst 'Lord of the Flies' jumps immediately to mind when seeing lots of children making their own decisions, let's remember that we will actually be there in this example, to participate! 

Imagine, a group of kids (self selected with no restrictions other than total number and geographical location...although, Skype live would be a great idea too), who get told that today they have a range of options, for 8 hours: gaming, gardening, science experiments, treasure-hunting, decorating, reading, astronomy, crafting, free playtime and the list goes on forever depending on what you can provide, and then imagine how the groups form and what we would learn about our children by letting them choose and then simply observing them?

When children are younger we spend a massive proportion of time simply observing them and not intervening all the time. Why does this suddenly stop? Why, at the age of 4 and a bit, do we suddenly feel the need to be directing them, when let's face it, up until this point they have all done (without exception) a pretty amazing job, with just their immediate family and a play-dates!

Woah...craziness, right? Kids learn without being drilled?! They just need to reach a certain level of emotional maturity for that particular skill to emerge?! They love to learn! Remember, a child learns more in the their first two years of life than they will learn in the rest of their life time put together!

All this got me to thinking about an Unschool.

The Unschool I imagine,  would be a little like a nursery school where (some would argue) you meet your most authentic friends (because you are drawn together by common interests), you look forward to going in the morning, you laugh a lot and have fun too! At nursery school, you are not defined by something arbitrary that an adult has chosen for you.

I think nursery school is amazing by the way! I sent my middle son to nursery school. Admittedly, at first it was because I was afraid that something bad would happen between him and my PDA son if I didn't step in, but, in the end it was because I loved, loved, loved their ethos. I loved it so much that I became a parent governor (a big deal for someone like me who is so completely anti-social).

The nursery school environment, when done well, is all about choice and being yourself. I bet you could speak to hundreds of nursery school teachers and they would be far happier when talking about the children they interact with than those teachers you meet who are teaching older children. Why is that?

And, I think, children pretty much love nursery. Well, perhaps not all children and perhaps not all of them love it, but, even our very sensitive special needs children, can navigate nursery fairly competently.

It is when we step in with all our 'categories' and 'definitions' that things begin to go awry.

I imagine no age categories, no ability categories, no special needs categories.

I imagine free play and movement. I imagine respect and compromise and discussion. I imagine natural consequences.

All of the above can only happen in a safe environment too by the way.

One that is without arbitrary 'rules' and 'regulations' and 'targets'. Where learning can move with the free flow of ideas and people. Those arbitrary measures we all cling to (hello Ofsted) are dooming our children and their futures because they refuse to evolve.

In my Unschool I don't see name calling nor bullying. I don't see local government funding issues. I don't see 'special measures'. I don't see homework (unless you want to of course and then yay! We'll help in any way we can!). I don't see 'lunch times' across the group. I don't see punishments. I don't see rewards. I don't see compulsory lessons.

In my Unschool everyone is exactly where they are meant to be. They can be tested if they desire but their level of achievement shall be measured by their own standards for themselves. Adults, of course can give their input and opinion, but the choice of whether or not to be happy about any changes rests solely with the child. If that success means only sitting and reading in the same room as other people, then that is completely fine. If that success is arriving earlier/later, then so be it.

In my Unschool, if a parent chooses to stay, then that is excellent but they must be willing to participate in the activities the children are doing if asked to. THIS IS NOT A COFFEE SHOP.

Perhaps adults would even be willing to share their own areas of expertise and hobbies. Imagine what diversity that would bring to the learning environment? I find that the best teachers are those who know their subject and their audience. Appropriately vetted, self-selecting adults would be so very welcome.

In my Unschool there would be no uniform. There would be no seat (unless you wanted one). There would be no compulsory hair styles nor shoes. There would be as many sensory rooms as classrooms.

In my imagination it would be like an official Unschool.

And, as every unschooler knows, at the very heart of the Unschool would be the children who make it all happen.

I love working with, learning from and being around children and young people.

I think we as adults are very quick to complain that children are becoming 'lazy', 'greedy', 'ungrateful', 'unskilled', 'unhappy' and 'unprepared' etc for their future as adults, but what are we really doing to change that?  

We need to be radical in our thinking. We need to start giving back to our children so they can feel empowered and capable again. This summer has been the most amazing one we have ever had. My four children have just blossomed since I fully embraced the idea that living peacefully and respectfully is the best way to go.

Now that our learning environment is becoming calmer and more joyous, the learning is blooming.

Domink has been to two classes in the past week. Two! That is more than he has EVER achieved before and we haven't even been brave enough to try since 2011. This week he went to make sushi and he had his first parkour lesson. He was STUNNING. He surpassed his own expectations with how well the events went. We talked about it a lot before he went and he was confident that he would perform well under the 'pressure' (his words, not mine) but he would not guarantee that he would manage it all. He had to go outside for a little run towards the end of the first hour of the sushi but that was all. He did it. He did not need any support at all during the parkour class which was 2 HOURS. Just incredible.

This is really thanks to unschooling. It is a miraculous learning style. It proves the adage that all children will do well if given the tools and environment in which to do so. Those who know Domink will understand the magnitude of what he has achieved.

Hannon has been learning how to code his own game in MIT's Scratch Programming Tool. I do not have the words to describe his dedication, his skills, his patience, his determination and his problem solving abilities during these past 10 days. What this has done for his confidence is incredible. If he were an adult who learnt a new skill this fast and applied it for the number of hours he has and with the attention to detail that Hannon has given to this, they would give him a pay rise!
 
Lily has been the exception. Right now she is not steady at all. I think she is finding it frustrating to not have the skills she needs to accomplish the things she wants to. 'The Sims' for example. She really wants to play it and every time we try to do it together, by the time she has finished designing the characters (again, for the fourth time) she doesn't actually want to play the game any more! This means we are getting nowhere when what she really wants is to start helping them 'live'. When we eventually have a family she is happy with, we will move on and she will have the most amazing variety of social stories made of her choosing. It will be a very useful learning tool for her when she is ready and I'm sure it won't be long given how much we're practising!

Harriet has cut two teeth with two close on their heels as she reaches her 6 and half month. She is sitting up competently and moving from her bum into the crawling position (where she does that baby rock...hahahaha) and she is trying to pull herself up! She has her first cold right now too, bless her little snuffles. She loves any food she tries during our baby led weaning. It is messy and fun!

So, an Unschool for everyone. What a thought.

Thanks as always, for reading.

N x