Whilst Lily and I were making paper craft snowflakes this evening loads of things occurred that I felt compelled to share!
Firstly, it was unanimous, amoung our little family at least, that the 6 pointed snowflakes looked amazing when compared with the 4 pointed snowflakes.
We asked eachother why and had a nice discussion about nature, Fibonacci numbers, symmetry, tessellation, fractions and probably a couple of other things too! Win, win with a spontaneous and cool Christmas craft!
The snowflakes also brought to light a few other things unrelated to the snowflakes themselves.
Lily found it really hard. Overall. Not just one part. She could not imagine the completed snowflake in her head and even after she had cut one, she had to refold it and study what she had done in order to draw another. She also could not follow a pattern. Whilst she was designing her snowflake, she constantly unfolded and refolded, indicating again that she was unable to imagine what it may look like in the end (when unfolded). She point blank (read - after a huge meltdown), refused to use the second method we found for folding the paper (the one that created the 6 pointed snowflakes) because she thought the first method was easier. And finally, she found the cutting really stressful. She was breathing hard and then holding her breathe. She was groaning and gnarling with frustration. She was terrified she would cut her design too far and ruin it. She did actually do this a couple of times and both were snowflakes were violently screwed up and thrown across the table.
However, she is now happily sat making her snowflakes, her way and she is improving fast! Oh, and they are being stuck all over the house! :-)
During the snowflake making, Dominik came into the kitchen with his office chair, tablet, hat and headphones so that I could do his daily neurodevelopmental exercises. Amazing. I didn't even ask him to come. He wandered in and was ready to get started.
Well, that didn't last long. It really was too good to be true.
Let me explain why I think Dominik then had a huge meltdown (larger than he's experienced in a fair few weeks).
On Wednesday, we're going to see Hamilton in London. I cannot recall if I have ever mentioned his obsession with the musical in this blog, but, it's been there, for probably around 9 months now. He knows all the words to a large chunk of the songs. He has researched it's performers and writer, read parts of the Benjamin Franklin papers, learned some American History, spent hours singing the songs and has generally been very Autistic about it!
It's heavily on his mind and is basically replacing Christmas as his 'event' this year. Everything in his life revolves around 7.30pm Wednesday night. He is excited, terrified, nervous, angry, thankful and anxious all the time.
So, back to the kitchen, the reason he was unable to even start his therapy is because he started talking to me about his sleep pattern. It is all over the place and he has been trying to 'correct it' (his words, not mine). As he sat on his chair he asked me what I thought he could do to try and ensure he does not feel tired during our evening out to see Hamilton (which is in fact a late afternoon to an early morning in reality) and I answered him.
That was my mistake. He did not actually want to hear my suggestions (turn everything off, have a warm milk, put on the fan for white noise and stay in bed to relax and, hopefully at the very least, help his body understand that it is bed time now), what he wanted was a big hug and some empathy.
Soooooo, mine were not helpful suggestions in the circumstances. They were stupid, useless, a waste of time and obviously not going to work for him (his words). Sigh. He stomped off. Slammed his chair against the kitchen cupboards and slammed his bedroom door for good measure.
I probably should have seen it coming when I noticed that his actions were literally, 'too good to be true' but I didn't. I was worn out from calming and coaching Lily for half an hour. I was brain numb from talking about Fibonacci and geometry. I was excited that Dominik was doing something VOLUNTARILY that I have literally had to beg him to do every. single. day. since September. I missed the clues!
But, here I am now, analyzing what happened and seeing it all more clearly.
I think that's why I write this blog. Having no partner to reflect with means that I have to get the thoughts out somewhere! Ta-da! :-)
Dominik will be ok. I will go downstairs now and give him that hug and tell him that of course he won't feel tired and that of course he WILL NOT fall asleep on Wednesday! And that it is going to be perfect.
Thanks for reading!
N x
PS - Snowflakes also made me think of a friend who lost a loved one this week and send her a little extra prayer. Life is just so precious and fleeting, much like snowflakes themselves, so love each other and be kind. <3
PPS - Lily is writing her first manga! Just giving it a mention because otherwise I will never remember when she wrote it!
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Monday, 18 December 2017
Thursday, 8 December 2016
It's here again!
In what seems like the blink of an eye, it's Christmas time again. This is my third Christmas as a blogger! Where did that time go?
So, this year, dare I say it, it almost feels calm!
None of my children have asked for very much this year and I think this has had a large part to play in alleviating the usual stresses! We are all very excited and have even agreed that we will put up our decorations a tad earlier than usual. Cannot wait til the weekend!
Dominik, of course, has had his main present already and given that he hasn't asked for anything else, the rest will be sure to be a pleasant surprise.
I should probably fill you in on life after surgery! Dominik had his casts removed last week after what felt the longest six weeks of our lives! He hated using the commode almost as much as I hated him using it to be honest! So glad that is behind us now.
The first day he was incredibly nervous...refusing to put his feet down and insisting on using the wheelchair after a week of not using it at all! We had booked to go and see Fantastic Beasts that night and I optimistically, didn't expect to be using the chair but we had to in the end!
The second day he hobbled around with his crutches mostly using them as weapons, which was a bit trying.
But, on the third day, he put them down and began to walk unaided! He is waddling (a little like a penguin) and refusing to bend his knees but the surgeon assured us that within three months he would be much more confident and competent. I guess the irony is that he is point blank refusing to stand up on his toes! He simply will not do it. Hope that's a good sign.
We saw the neurodevelopmental therapist after the casts were off too to check on the progress of his retained reflexes and that was also great news. His pupils are showing almost no stress response now and he was able to do the exercises far more easily than ever before. His back has now loosened up which makes every single movement easier and far less stressful for his entire body. We have been advised to seek a physiotherapist (not provided by the hospital, urgh) and a cranial osteopath so the pathway to wellness continues.
Back to Christmas!
Three years ago when I first began writing this blog, I wrote a long and detailed post about all the things I put into place around this time of year to make life less stressful and anxiety inducing for Dominik but here we are, three years on, and those measures, whilst still being on stand by, are no longer essential.
I am going to copy and paste some of my tips here from the original article in case they are of use to any new readers.
This is perhaps the most challenging time of year for us families with children (and adults) on the Autistic Spectrum so I thought I would share with you a few of my ideas designed to make life a little less stressful.
It is my hope that they will help things to run more smoothly (and joyously), in your home too during this Christmas Season.
Preparation, Preparation, Preparation.
This cannot be said enough! Prepare to the nth degree!
Let your child create their own special visual timetable (in the form of an advent calendar?) so that they can anticipate all the events at school and at home. Let them talk to you about everything that they remember about the changes and how that makes them feel and what they feel they can and cannot cope with.
Enable them to choose, to as large an extent as possible, what they want to participate in and what they don't in the school calendar and respect their wishes. Be the best advocate for your child that you can be and ensure that they get the Christmas they want too. Struggling is not a nice way to live at any time but at Christmas, when everyone else is smiling and happy, it is even worse.
Bribery & Coercion
I think it is all too common that parents begin using Santa (and presents) as a 'carrot/stick' once Christmas time comes around. Children all over the western world are worrying themselves half to death about their behaviour and whether or not they have been 'good' enough to deserve presents.
It is my firm belief that children will do well if given the environment in which they can do well.
Our special children are already doing their best all the time to manage without breaking down, so at Christmas, when there is so much more at stake, perhaps we should avoid pairing their behaviour with the promise of presents?
A lady told my daughter only the other day that if she 'screamed like that' Santa would hear her and she wouldn't get any presents. Not only was this extremely distressing for my daughter but it was horrible for me too! I do not use this kind of carrot and stick system in my house as a rule (I'm not perfect) and I have to say that to hear it come from a complete stranger was horrifying.
My daughter had been having a difficult (and busy) day and she was getting to the end of her ability to cope (several different shops, in and out of the car, hungry and over-stimulated) and this lady simply made things 100% worse. Sigh.
So, yes, try your hardest to not equate their behaviour with good/bad....they are trying their best.
Shopping/Trips
Please, please, please, unless you have absolutely no choice (or alternatively, they want to come along), let them stay at home! The world is a crappy place for those of us who shun noise, smells, lights, people, being touched and garishness right now! Unless your little one wants to plan a trip (and gets complete autonomy over what happens on that trip, including when to call it quits), don't make them come along. A trip such as this can take days to wind down from even if it goes well. If it goes badly the guilt and shame and self-reproach from us perfectionists is almost too much to bare.
Visitors
Keep the number of visiting friends and relations to an minimum, or, at the very least, let your child hide out in their room (or in the room that is most comfortable for them) and do not force them to socialise if they don't want to.
As an Aspie adult I can tell you, being made to kiss, hug and chat to people who are basically a load of strangers, is traumatic and exhausting and certainly not 'fun'!
Please be an advocate for your child and warn any visitors, that if they are bringing presents, to expect them to be unwrapped on sight if they are seen by said children! If they do not wish for this to happen then should wait for the opportunity to 'sneak' them in unseen when they can be safely hidden and not add to the anticipation that our children are already feeling with regard to unopened presents, and the pressure to like them.
Also, tell these same visitors what treats/sweets/foods are acceptable in advance so you don't have repeated meltdowns over food.
If you can, decline any invitations that are non-essential. Visiting lots of different homes is stress-inducing due to the amount of unpredictability and frequent transitions.
If you do over-do it our little ones will soon unravel and will not have a chance to regroup and recover, and will therefore end up not enjoying the best bits that Christmas has to offer.
Decorating
Allow your child/children to take whatever role they wish in decorating the house and tree (or not). If they are anxious about decorations perhaps put them up as late as you can in family areas and allow any other children to decorate their rooms so that they don't miss out."
I have added a few tips and tweaked this a little but it is basically the same as it was in 2014.
I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all a happy, fun and joyful Christmas.
Much Love, thanks for reading,
N x
So, this year, dare I say it, it almost feels calm!
None of my children have asked for very much this year and I think this has had a large part to play in alleviating the usual stresses! We are all very excited and have even agreed that we will put up our decorations a tad earlier than usual. Cannot wait til the weekend!
Dominik, of course, has had his main present already and given that he hasn't asked for anything else, the rest will be sure to be a pleasant surprise.
I should probably fill you in on life after surgery! Dominik had his casts removed last week after what felt the longest six weeks of our lives! He hated using the commode almost as much as I hated him using it to be honest! So glad that is behind us now.
The first day he was incredibly nervous...refusing to put his feet down and insisting on using the wheelchair after a week of not using it at all! We had booked to go and see Fantastic Beasts that night and I optimistically, didn't expect to be using the chair but we had to in the end!
The second day he hobbled around with his crutches mostly using them as weapons, which was a bit trying.
But, on the third day, he put them down and began to walk unaided! He is waddling (a little like a penguin) and refusing to bend his knees but the surgeon assured us that within three months he would be much more confident and competent. I guess the irony is that he is point blank refusing to stand up on his toes! He simply will not do it. Hope that's a good sign.
We saw the neurodevelopmental therapist after the casts were off too to check on the progress of his retained reflexes and that was also great news. His pupils are showing almost no stress response now and he was able to do the exercises far more easily than ever before. His back has now loosened up which makes every single movement easier and far less stressful for his entire body. We have been advised to seek a physiotherapist (not provided by the hospital, urgh) and a cranial osteopath so the pathway to wellness continues.
Back to Christmas!
Three years ago when I first began writing this blog, I wrote a long and detailed post about all the things I put into place around this time of year to make life less stressful and anxiety inducing for Dominik but here we are, three years on, and those measures, whilst still being on stand by, are no longer essential.
I am going to copy and paste some of my tips here from the original article in case they are of use to any new readers.
"For those of you with little ones who are at school, I imagine this time of year must be particularly challenging, not least because of the following;
- Mufti-days
- Carol services
- Timetable changes
- Nativity plays
- Decorations
- Staff absence
to name but a few of the school based changes.
But what about if we include;
- School holidays
- Visiting relatives
- Christmas trees and decorations
- Furniture being relocated
- Presents (and the accompanying anxiety)
- All predictability vanished
- Extra people everywhere
And perhaps even;
- Parties
- Father Christmas himself
- Family events
- Photo ops
- Different foods
- Different clothes
- An abundance of chocolate/sweets and treats everywhere
- Anxiety at its maximum surrounding the idea of being 'good/well behaved/deserving'
It is my hope that they will help things to run more smoothly (and joyously), in your home too during this Christmas Season.
Preparation, Preparation, Preparation.
This cannot be said enough! Prepare to the nth degree!
Let your child create their own special visual timetable (in the form of an advent calendar?) so that they can anticipate all the events at school and at home. Let them talk to you about everything that they remember about the changes and how that makes them feel and what they feel they can and cannot cope with.
Enable them to choose, to as large an extent as possible, what they want to participate in and what they don't in the school calendar and respect their wishes. Be the best advocate for your child that you can be and ensure that they get the Christmas they want too. Struggling is not a nice way to live at any time but at Christmas, when everyone else is smiling and happy, it is even worse.
Bribery & Coercion
I think it is all too common that parents begin using Santa (and presents) as a 'carrot/stick' once Christmas time comes around. Children all over the western world are worrying themselves half to death about their behaviour and whether or not they have been 'good' enough to deserve presents.
It is my firm belief that children will do well if given the environment in which they can do well.
Our special children are already doing their best all the time to manage without breaking down, so at Christmas, when there is so much more at stake, perhaps we should avoid pairing their behaviour with the promise of presents?
A lady told my daughter only the other day that if she 'screamed like that' Santa would hear her and she wouldn't get any presents. Not only was this extremely distressing for my daughter but it was horrible for me too! I do not use this kind of carrot and stick system in my house as a rule (I'm not perfect) and I have to say that to hear it come from a complete stranger was horrifying.
My daughter had been having a difficult (and busy) day and she was getting to the end of her ability to cope (several different shops, in and out of the car, hungry and over-stimulated) and this lady simply made things 100% worse. Sigh.
So, yes, try your hardest to not equate their behaviour with good/bad....they are trying their best.
Shopping/Trips
Please, please, please, unless you have absolutely no choice (or alternatively, they want to come along), let them stay at home! The world is a crappy place for those of us who shun noise, smells, lights, people, being touched and garishness right now! Unless your little one wants to plan a trip (and gets complete autonomy over what happens on that trip, including when to call it quits), don't make them come along. A trip such as this can take days to wind down from even if it goes well. If it goes badly the guilt and shame and self-reproach from us perfectionists is almost too much to bare.
Visitors
Keep the number of visiting friends and relations to an minimum, or, at the very least, let your child hide out in their room (or in the room that is most comfortable for them) and do not force them to socialise if they don't want to.
As an Aspie adult I can tell you, being made to kiss, hug and chat to people who are basically a load of strangers, is traumatic and exhausting and certainly not 'fun'!
Please be an advocate for your child and warn any visitors, that if they are bringing presents, to expect them to be unwrapped on sight if they are seen by said children! If they do not wish for this to happen then should wait for the opportunity to 'sneak' them in unseen when they can be safely hidden and not add to the anticipation that our children are already feeling with regard to unopened presents, and the pressure to like them.
Also, tell these same visitors what treats/sweets/foods are acceptable in advance so you don't have repeated meltdowns over food.
If you can, decline any invitations that are non-essential. Visiting lots of different homes is stress-inducing due to the amount of unpredictability and frequent transitions.
If you do over-do it our little ones will soon unravel and will not have a chance to regroup and recover, and will therefore end up not enjoying the best bits that Christmas has to offer.
Decorating
Allow your child/children to take whatever role they wish in decorating the house and tree (or not). If they are anxious about decorations perhaps put them up as late as you can in family areas and allow any other children to decorate their rooms so that they don't miss out."
I have added a few tips and tweaked this a little but it is basically the same as it was in 2014.
I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all a happy, fun and joyful Christmas.
Much Love, thanks for reading,
N x
Thursday, 7 January 2016
And 2016 gets off to a flying start!
Where to begin?
Happy New Year to you all. What a whirlwind this year has been so far. It's like someone opened a door way or something. 'Stuff' (for want of a better word) is just flying into our lives,.
It is breathtaking in its speed.
But first a few thoughts on Christmas this time around.
Aside from one event, it was brilliant. I can honestly say it was all about the things that truly matter. No one was that fussed about presents (although they all love their tablets), it was about spending time together and having fun.
We had very few visitors but the ones there were made the event all the more special. I do wish visitors would have a little more time for everyone when they came though, but at least they care enough to come and see us. I love you all and we appreciate your time,
One small request on behalf of the kids before I move on,. Please try to to show a little interest in what they've been up to! I know its not the same as asking a child who goes to school, but try anyway! I know they bombard you with lots of information and that its mostly about things you've never hear of or things you have no interest in, but, well, ABC's and mental arithmetic don't count as interesting either really if we're honest. What I am trying to say is that we should simply celebrate enthusiasm and happiness whatever the cause! My four would love to show you what they've been doing. They LOVE what they all do. Please, try to reserve judgement and witness what they are all achieving, even if it isn't something 'mainstream'. I think it is all the more impressive because it isn't! The 'mainstream' is exactly that...it is what most people can learn during the course of their everyday lives. It is the majority, the ;normal', the (dare I say it) mundane. Listen and watch what kids have to show or tell you, whoever they are. Listen even more carefully if they are passionate about it. This is where the true learning experience happens. Especially if they are passionate about. It is important to them. We ask children to pay heed to what is important for us (and society in general I guess) a lot of the time but sometimes perhaps, we should spend some more time listening to them.
So, yes, where was I...The New Year!
Here's some of what has been going on. Obviously keeping a positive slant on it all. I don't find focussing on the bad bits helpful because they would then over shadow the progress and I don't want that! There have been some tough moments, of course, but what follows could not have happened as it did/does, without them. Every experience is a potential learning experience.
# Lily!
Lily is pretty much reading fluently, and she is reading words that she doesn't know and they rarely pose a significant problem. She took to the 'hoverboard' like a duck to water. (No, it hasn't caught fire.) She was an amazing hostess at her own Birthday Party. She took to ice-skating like she was born to do it. She is a born 'mover'. Not sure where that will take her but I am sure it will be far. Her innate talent and the ease with which she learns new skills is inspiring. Her vocabulary and maturity also continue to amaze me. For example. we had our 11 year old dog, Tia, put to sleep in December and Lily chose to stay with her until the end (with my mum). Just incredible. The vet tried very hard to guilt me into removing her but I gave Lily the choice and respected her decision. She was amazingly pragmatic throughout. She was a little sad, but, she was also completely accepting and full of love. I am so proud of her. What an amazing human being. She has only spoken positively about Tia since she died and seems to be happy with the desicion she made. (As are Hannon, Dominik and I and we chose to leave.) Love you Lily.
# Hannon
Hannon it seems is a GAME MAKER. He spends significant periods of time creating and refining various different game ideas. He researches his options. He learns from other people. He experiments with different ideas. He and Lily do 'voice-acting' for their own characters too! He also never. gives. up. His tenacity is awe-inspiring. He is so determined to succeed. It makes me so proud. He tampered a bit with magic over the holidays (and engineering) but has left those behind for the time being. He has also found the time to read at least 12 books since November and it is staring to get expensive!!! But, I obviously cannot complain.. It is simply a running joke. I even went and bought him his own bookshelves and he is actually using them! Yay Hannon. I love you.
# Dominik
Dominik has made some massive strides too. He has completed over a month of daily exercises designed to lengthen and strengthen the muscles etc in his lower legs. These can be painful and the demand from me is a daily one so I would never have guessed he would have this much staying power. He is giving this his all. I think a physiotherapist would be able to support him now he knows he can do it. Great progress. He has also showered twice on the same day that I have asked him to do so! (A miracle for a child with PDA and SPD.) He has also been letting me brush his teeth...not everyday, but more than ever before! He continues to improve his sketching skills (with a new rubber and pencil sharpener) and practices almost daily. He has rediscovered his love of music and all things rhythm based. He seems to be 'pitch perfect'. He can whistle the tune his tablet whistles when he gets a notification and there is no discernible difference. He almost beat me at Just Dance too!!! (Unheard of!!! Along with Mario Kart, Just Dance is about the only other game at which I can do well!) He found something called a Lauchpad and is desperate to try one out. We discussed it and after having talked about the benefits of him having one of these, we actually discovered that he needs (and would prefer) an electric drum kit into which he can programme all the sounds he likes! And, the boon, we don't all have to listen to his creativity. (This will build on all the times we spent playing with Synthesia and a couple of other rhythm/music based visual games (DJ Hero being another)). I cannot begin to imagine what he will create but we are both itching to find out. I also think that the drum kit will have many more benefits...not least of which will be to further strengthen his legs and improve his physical health. His motor skills will also surely take another leap forward as will his proprioceptive skills I should think. This is just brilliant! Alongside his parkour and his rekindled love of creating his own smoothies really bodes well for the future! So proud Dominik, so proud of you. Mwah. Love you.
See, I told you 2016 hit the ground running!
And now for Harriet...well, that would be an essay! She's the best! You'd have to meet her to truly appreciate her awesomeness though. Suffice it to say, she LOVES to climb, point, bite and smile. :-P
And finally, here's my favourite (of favourite ever) picture of our Christmas 2015.
Too. Funny.
And no, Hannon was not like that all the time.
And a dear friend made all the hats for us. Thank you Cara!
Oh, and, the photo was taken by a lovely friend who spent Christmas Day with us. She also brought her beautiful shitzu -yorkie cross. We had such a lovely time.
It was certainly a Christmas that we will remember as being full of smiles and love.
Oh, and we did buy a few family games but by far our favourite is Sushi Go! Lots of fun. Deceptively simple, tactical card game that is hilarious and sneeky (think Uno I guess)!
Happy New Year!
N x
Happy New Year to you all. What a whirlwind this year has been so far. It's like someone opened a door way or something. 'Stuff' (for want of a better word) is just flying into our lives,.
It is breathtaking in its speed.
But first a few thoughts on Christmas this time around.
Aside from one event, it was brilliant. I can honestly say it was all about the things that truly matter. No one was that fussed about presents (although they all love their tablets), it was about spending time together and having fun.
We had very few visitors but the ones there were made the event all the more special. I do wish visitors would have a little more time for everyone when they came though, but at least they care enough to come and see us. I love you all and we appreciate your time,
One small request on behalf of the kids before I move on,. Please try to to show a little interest in what they've been up to! I know its not the same as asking a child who goes to school, but try anyway! I know they bombard you with lots of information and that its mostly about things you've never hear of or things you have no interest in, but, well, ABC's and mental arithmetic don't count as interesting either really if we're honest. What I am trying to say is that we should simply celebrate enthusiasm and happiness whatever the cause! My four would love to show you what they've been doing. They LOVE what they all do. Please, try to reserve judgement and witness what they are all achieving, even if it isn't something 'mainstream'. I think it is all the more impressive because it isn't! The 'mainstream' is exactly that...it is what most people can learn during the course of their everyday lives. It is the majority, the ;normal', the (dare I say it) mundane. Listen and watch what kids have to show or tell you, whoever they are. Listen even more carefully if they are passionate about it. This is where the true learning experience happens. Especially if they are passionate about. It is important to them. We ask children to pay heed to what is important for us (and society in general I guess) a lot of the time but sometimes perhaps, we should spend some more time listening to them.
So, yes, where was I...The New Year!
Here's some of what has been going on. Obviously keeping a positive slant on it all. I don't find focussing on the bad bits helpful because they would then over shadow the progress and I don't want that! There have been some tough moments, of course, but what follows could not have happened as it did/does, without them. Every experience is a potential learning experience.
# Lily!
Lily is pretty much reading fluently, and she is reading words that she doesn't know and they rarely pose a significant problem. She took to the 'hoverboard' like a duck to water. (No, it hasn't caught fire.) She was an amazing hostess at her own Birthday Party. She took to ice-skating like she was born to do it. She is a born 'mover'. Not sure where that will take her but I am sure it will be far. Her innate talent and the ease with which she learns new skills is inspiring. Her vocabulary and maturity also continue to amaze me. For example. we had our 11 year old dog, Tia, put to sleep in December and Lily chose to stay with her until the end (with my mum). Just incredible. The vet tried very hard to guilt me into removing her but I gave Lily the choice and respected her decision. She was amazingly pragmatic throughout. She was a little sad, but, she was also completely accepting and full of love. I am so proud of her. What an amazing human being. She has only spoken positively about Tia since she died and seems to be happy with the desicion she made. (As are Hannon, Dominik and I and we chose to leave.) Love you Lily.
# Hannon
Hannon it seems is a GAME MAKER. He spends significant periods of time creating and refining various different game ideas. He researches his options. He learns from other people. He experiments with different ideas. He and Lily do 'voice-acting' for their own characters too! He also never. gives. up. His tenacity is awe-inspiring. He is so determined to succeed. It makes me so proud. He tampered a bit with magic over the holidays (and engineering) but has left those behind for the time being. He has also found the time to read at least 12 books since November and it is staring to get expensive!!! But, I obviously cannot complain.. It is simply a running joke. I even went and bought him his own bookshelves and he is actually using them! Yay Hannon. I love you.
# Dominik
Dominik has made some massive strides too. He has completed over a month of daily exercises designed to lengthen and strengthen the muscles etc in his lower legs. These can be painful and the demand from me is a daily one so I would never have guessed he would have this much staying power. He is giving this his all. I think a physiotherapist would be able to support him now he knows he can do it. Great progress. He has also showered twice on the same day that I have asked him to do so! (A miracle for a child with PDA and SPD.) He has also been letting me brush his teeth...not everyday, but more than ever before! He continues to improve his sketching skills (with a new rubber and pencil sharpener) and practices almost daily. He has rediscovered his love of music and all things rhythm based. He seems to be 'pitch perfect'. He can whistle the tune his tablet whistles when he gets a notification and there is no discernible difference. He almost beat me at Just Dance too!!! (Unheard of!!! Along with Mario Kart, Just Dance is about the only other game at which I can do well!) He found something called a Lauchpad and is desperate to try one out. We discussed it and after having talked about the benefits of him having one of these, we actually discovered that he needs (and would prefer) an electric drum kit into which he can programme all the sounds he likes! And, the boon, we don't all have to listen to his creativity. (This will build on all the times we spent playing with Synthesia and a couple of other rhythm/music based visual games (DJ Hero being another)). I cannot begin to imagine what he will create but we are both itching to find out. I also think that the drum kit will have many more benefits...not least of which will be to further strengthen his legs and improve his physical health. His motor skills will also surely take another leap forward as will his proprioceptive skills I should think. This is just brilliant! Alongside his parkour and his rekindled love of creating his own smoothies really bodes well for the future! So proud Dominik, so proud of you. Mwah. Love you.
See, I told you 2016 hit the ground running!
And now for Harriet...well, that would be an essay! She's the best! You'd have to meet her to truly appreciate her awesomeness though. Suffice it to say, she LOVES to climb, point, bite and smile. :-P
And finally, here's my favourite (of favourite ever) picture of our Christmas 2015.
Too. Funny.
And no, Hannon was not like that all the time.
And a dear friend made all the hats for us. Thank you Cara!
Oh, and, the photo was taken by a lovely friend who spent Christmas Day with us. She also brought her beautiful shitzu -yorkie cross. We had such a lovely time.
It was certainly a Christmas that we will remember as being full of smiles and love.
Oh, and we did buy a few family games but by far our favourite is Sushi Go! Lots of fun. Deceptively simple, tactical card game that is hilarious and sneeky (think Uno I guess)!
Happy New Year!
N x
Wednesday, 9 December 2015
Christmastime!
Just wanted to drop a quick note to you all to wish you a peaceful and love filled Christmas.
This year the build up in our house has been unusual to say the least.
I opened their lists as usual, after Halloween, and closed them at the beginning of December. I had one request from Hannon and that was it!
It seems that this year, my kids achieved the ultimate goal of being satisfied with what they already have.
If someone had ever even suggested to me that my children would have empty Christmas lists I would never have believed them. But, this year, they did and it has made me very happy.
Domink, who usually struggles to hold it together at all at this time of year is positively chipper! He tried ice-skating this week (!!!), has been fully participating in his parkour classes and even having an extra half an hour, one-to-one tuition every week (and loving it)! He has been exercising AT HOME DAILY!!! (Those of you who have less than athletic children will understand the enormity of that one thing alone!) He is not fighting it. He has not refused to do them once in over a week! He is even beginning to notice his appearance changing as he slims down, livens up and feels more positive about his self-image for the first time since he was a small boy.
He has only asked one question about what Christmas presents he is going to get and I answered it. He has yet to ask any more. This is bordering on the twilight zone right now!! He hasn't even been opening his Advent Calendar!! Incredible.
I had no idea that this was possible for Dominik. To see him happy, content, cheerfully optimistic, participating and enjoying life is the greatest feeling ever!
Although, one other thing does come close! Some of you may remember that last year he drew me a Toothless (from 'How to Train Your Dragon'), well, this year, he bought me one!!! He didn't even make me wait until Christmas to have it!! He bought it for me with his own money and at his own suggestion. What a feeling this is.
So, I guess I just wanted to say that working with your children, allowing them their space and thinking time, really can elicit great changes. I have truly practiced gentle parenting this year with great success. Harriet I think has been largely responsible for that blessing. And, as a result, my son (in particular and only highlighted because of this particular blog post) is growing into a delightful young man. He is always searching for ways to better manage himself and identify his own needs and he more often than not, does the right thing what given the chance to do so. What a little star.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year everyone.
On to 2016!
N x
This year the build up in our house has been unusual to say the least.
I opened their lists as usual, after Halloween, and closed them at the beginning of December. I had one request from Hannon and that was it!
It seems that this year, my kids achieved the ultimate goal of being satisfied with what they already have.
If someone had ever even suggested to me that my children would have empty Christmas lists I would never have believed them. But, this year, they did and it has made me very happy.
Domink, who usually struggles to hold it together at all at this time of year is positively chipper! He tried ice-skating this week (!!!), has been fully participating in his parkour classes and even having an extra half an hour, one-to-one tuition every week (and loving it)! He has been exercising AT HOME DAILY!!! (Those of you who have less than athletic children will understand the enormity of that one thing alone!) He is not fighting it. He has not refused to do them once in over a week! He is even beginning to notice his appearance changing as he slims down, livens up and feels more positive about his self-image for the first time since he was a small boy.
He has only asked one question about what Christmas presents he is going to get and I answered it. He has yet to ask any more. This is bordering on the twilight zone right now!! He hasn't even been opening his Advent Calendar!! Incredible.
I had no idea that this was possible for Dominik. To see him happy, content, cheerfully optimistic, participating and enjoying life is the greatest feeling ever!
Although, one other thing does come close! Some of you may remember that last year he drew me a Toothless (from 'How to Train Your Dragon'), well, this year, he bought me one!!! He didn't even make me wait until Christmas to have it!! He bought it for me with his own money and at his own suggestion. What a feeling this is.
So, I guess I just wanted to say that working with your children, allowing them their space and thinking time, really can elicit great changes. I have truly practiced gentle parenting this year with great success. Harriet I think has been largely responsible for that blessing. And, as a result, my son (in particular and only highlighted because of this particular blog post) is growing into a delightful young man. He is always searching for ways to better manage himself and identify his own needs and he more often than not, does the right thing what given the chance to do so. What a little star.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year everyone.
On to 2016!
N x
Tuesday, 9 December 2014
Controversial (or not) Christmas ideas. First published 2014.
I thought I would write a few words about Christmas and how it's going for us this year (and it is an excuse to post a picture of my tree which is, honestly, the best bit for me)!
This is perhaps the most challenging time of year for us families with children (and adults) on the Autistic Spectrum so I thought I would share with you a few of my ideas designed to make life a little less stressful.
It is my hope that they will help things to run more smoothly (and joyously), in your home too during this Christmas Season.
Preparation, Preparation, Preparation.
This cannot be said enough! Prepare to the nth degree!
Let your child create their own special visual timetable (in the form of an advent calendar maybe) so that they can anticipate all the events at school and at home. Let them talk to you about everything that they remember about the changes and how that makes them feel and what they feel they can and cannot cope with.
Enable them to choose, to as large an extent as possible, what they want to participate in and what they don't in the school calendar and respect their wishes. Be the best advocate for child that you can be and ensure that they get the Christmas they want too. Struggling is not a nice way to live at any time but at Christmas, when everyone else is smiling and happy, it must be even worse.
Bribery & Coercion
I think it is all too common that parents begin using Santa (and presents) as a 'carrot/stick' once Christmastime comes around. Children all over the Western world are worrying themselves half to death about their behaviour and whether or not they have been 'good' enough to deserve presents.
It is my firm belief that children will do well if given the environment in which they can do well.
Our special children are already doing their best all the time to manage without breaking down, so at Christmas, when there is so much more at stake, perhaps we should avoid pairing their behaviour with the promise of presents?
A lady told my daughter only the other day that if she 'screamed like that' Santa would hear her and she wouldn't get any presents. Not only was this extremely distressing for my daughter but it was horrible for me too! I do not use this kind of carrot and stick system in my house as a rule (I'm not perfect) and I have to say that to hear it come from a complete stranger was horrifying.
My daughter had been having a difficult (and busy) day and she was getting to the end of her ability to cope (several different shops, in and out of the car, hungry and over-stimulated) and this lady simply made things 100% worse. Sigh.
So, yes, try your hardest to not equate their behaviour with good/bad....they are trying their best.
Shopping/Trips
Please, please, please, unless you have absolutely no choice (or alternatively, they want to come along), let them stay at home! The world is a crappy place for those of us who shun noise, smells, lights, people, being touched and garishness right now! Unless your little one wants to plan a trip (and gets complete autonomy over what happens on that trip, including when to call it quits), don't make them come along.
Visitors
Keep the number of visiting friends and relations to an minimum, or, at the very least, let your child hide out in their room (or in the room that is most comfortable for them) and do not force them to socialise if they don't want to.
As an Aspie adult I can tell you, being made to kiss, hug and chat to people who are basically a load of strangers, is traumatic and exhausting and certainly not 'fun'!
Please be an advocate for your child and warn any visitors, that if they are bringing presents, to expect them to be unwrapped on sight if they are seen by said children! If they do not wish for this to happen then should wait for the opportunity to 'sneak' them in unseen when they can be safely hidden and not add to the anticipation that our children are already feeling with regard to unopened presents.
Also, tell these same visitors what treats/sweets/foods are acceptable in advance so you don't have repeated meltdowns over food.
If you can, decline any invitations that are non-essential. Visiting lots of different homes is stress-inducing due to the amount of unpredictability.
If you do over-do it our little ones will soon unravel and will not have a chance to regroup and recover, and will therefore end up not enjoying the best bits that Christmas has to offer.
Decorating
Allow your child/children to take whatever role they wish in decorating the house and tree (or not). If they are anxious about decorations perhaps put them up as late as you can in family areas and allow any other children to decorate their rooms so that they don't miss out.
I guess you may be curious as to how things are going with my brood in the run up to Christmas this year...well, let me tell you!
So, for those of you with little ones who are at school, I imagine this time of year must be particularly challenging not least because of the following;
- Mufti-days
- Carol Services
- Timetable changes
- Nativity Plays
- Decorations
- Staff absence
to name but a few of the school based changes.
But what about if we include;
- School holidays
- Visiting relatives
- Christmas Trees and decorations
- Furniture being relocated
- Presents (and the accompanying anxiety)
- All predictability vanished
- Extra people everywhere
And perhaps even;
- Parties
- Father Christmas himself
- Family events
- Photo ops
- Different foods
- Different clothes
- An abundance of chocolate/sweets and treats everywhere
- Anxiety at its maximum surrounding the idea of being 'good/well behaved/deserving'
This is perhaps the most challenging time of year for us families with children (and adults) on the Autistic Spectrum so I thought I would share with you a few of my ideas designed to make life a little less stressful.
It is my hope that they will help things to run more smoothly (and joyously), in your home too during this Christmas Season.
Preparation, Preparation, Preparation.
This cannot be said enough! Prepare to the nth degree!
Let your child create their own special visual timetable (in the form of an advent calendar maybe) so that they can anticipate all the events at school and at home. Let them talk to you about everything that they remember about the changes and how that makes them feel and what they feel they can and cannot cope with.
Enable them to choose, to as large an extent as possible, what they want to participate in and what they don't in the school calendar and respect their wishes. Be the best advocate for child that you can be and ensure that they get the Christmas they want too. Struggling is not a nice way to live at any time but at Christmas, when everyone else is smiling and happy, it must be even worse.
Bribery & Coercion
I think it is all too common that parents begin using Santa (and presents) as a 'carrot/stick' once Christmastime comes around. Children all over the Western world are worrying themselves half to death about their behaviour and whether or not they have been 'good' enough to deserve presents.
It is my firm belief that children will do well if given the environment in which they can do well.
Our special children are already doing their best all the time to manage without breaking down, so at Christmas, when there is so much more at stake, perhaps we should avoid pairing their behaviour with the promise of presents?
A lady told my daughter only the other day that if she 'screamed like that' Santa would hear her and she wouldn't get any presents. Not only was this extremely distressing for my daughter but it was horrible for me too! I do not use this kind of carrot and stick system in my house as a rule (I'm not perfect) and I have to say that to hear it come from a complete stranger was horrifying.
My daughter had been having a difficult (and busy) day and she was getting to the end of her ability to cope (several different shops, in and out of the car, hungry and over-stimulated) and this lady simply made things 100% worse. Sigh.
So, yes, try your hardest to not equate their behaviour with good/bad....they are trying their best.
Shopping/Trips
Please, please, please, unless you have absolutely no choice (or alternatively, they want to come along), let them stay at home! The world is a crappy place for those of us who shun noise, smells, lights, people, being touched and garishness right now! Unless your little one wants to plan a trip (and gets complete autonomy over what happens on that trip, including when to call it quits), don't make them come along.
Visitors
Keep the number of visiting friends and relations to an minimum, or, at the very least, let your child hide out in their room (or in the room that is most comfortable for them) and do not force them to socialise if they don't want to.
As an Aspie adult I can tell you, being made to kiss, hug and chat to people who are basically a load of strangers, is traumatic and exhausting and certainly not 'fun'!
Please be an advocate for your child and warn any visitors, that if they are bringing presents, to expect them to be unwrapped on sight if they are seen by said children! If they do not wish for this to happen then should wait for the opportunity to 'sneak' them in unseen when they can be safely hidden and not add to the anticipation that our children are already feeling with regard to unopened presents.
Also, tell these same visitors what treats/sweets/foods are acceptable in advance so you don't have repeated meltdowns over food.
If you can, decline any invitations that are non-essential. Visiting lots of different homes is stress-inducing due to the amount of unpredictability.
If you do over-do it our little ones will soon unravel and will not have a chance to regroup and recover, and will therefore end up not enjoying the best bits that Christmas has to offer.
Decorating
Allow your child/children to take whatever role they wish in decorating the house and tree (or not). If they are anxious about decorations perhaps put them up as late as you can in family areas and allow any other children to decorate their rooms so that they don't miss out.
I guess you may be curious as to how things are going with my brood in the run up to Christmas this year...well, let me tell you!
- I let them choose when to put up the tree and allowed them to dress it with me (spiking my OCD to the max let me tell you!).
- They are able to make a Christmas List the whole year through and add to it and take things away from it right up until December 1st ,when their lists are officially 'closed'. This is the same every year and it seems to work well and helps to avoid any anxiety associated with 'choosing' and being 'rushed' into decisions. (They also know that once December 1st arrives, there are no more 'incidental' treats as all my 'spare' money goes towards making Christmas awesome).
- This year, once Dominik had decided what he wanted, I went and bought it for him straight away and gave it to him. He knows he will only have stocking gifts on Christmas Day now (and any presents that people have managed to sneak past him) and this has enabled Dominik to focus on everyday...the here and now...and not on the 'what might or might not be coming' in x number of days. It is the anticipation for him that is the hardest part of present receiving occasions, particularly Christmas, with the Advent Calendar, people constantly asking about his list, people coming to drop off presents and being offended when he wants to open them in the instant he sees them, and of course, people reminding him to be 'good'. So, as much as I get lots of 'tutting' and 'sighing' from friends and relations, I don't care. He is not spoilt. He is happy and calm. This makes for a happier and calmer time for us all but especially for him. Phew.
I have implemented all of what I have listed above and, touch wood, so far, this has been by far and away the most amazing build up to Christmas there has ever been in my house.
It is a magical time of year so here's hoping it is for all of your families too.
Merry Christmas!
N x
Friday, 21 November 2014
An afternoon window shopping.
Fair warning
DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN READ THIS BLOG PAGE AS IT MAY CAUSE CATASTROPHE
(well, not really a catastrophe, but certainly a massive a whole in your wallet)!
My son, Dominik, loves, loves, loves a YouTube channel called Vat19. Find their website here.
It is basically an innovative, geeky team of guys and gals who find, test, promote and then sell unusual and awesome products.
I think they seem particularly geared towards those of us who are slightly more quirky than the norm!
Yesterday afternoon my kiddos and I sat and watched dozens of their product reviews on YouTube and had an absolute blast.
In my opinion they have a high educational slant as well as being super fun and highly sensory.
Here is our wish list!
Jishaku - Master the art of magnetic attraction with Jishaku, the strategic boardgame.Your goal is to place all of your magnetic "stones" on the Jishaku board without any of them touching each other. This is simple at first, but becomes increasingly challenging as the board fills up. Stones will twist, turn, and jump as you search for a safe location. Make a mistake and a flurry of magnetic action will end with a half dozen stones stuck together.
Tenzi - Tenzi is the fast-paced and frenzied dice-rolling game for 2-4 players. The concept is simple, the game-play is lightning fast, and the fun is immediate.Here's how to play: be the first player to roll all ten of your dice to the same number.Because speed is essential to winning, Tenzi creates frantic bursts of sloppy and sometimes erratic dice rolling and oftentimes induces frustrated screaming and indiscriminate insults. It's almost too much fun!
Konexi - If Scrabble and Jenga got together and had a bit too much to drink, Konexi might be their "gift" nine months later.Konexi is played by taking turns adding notched letters to a teetering tower of words. The longer the word you spell, the more points you are awarded. But be careful, the next letter you place could topple the entire tower.
Piperoid - Paper Pie Robots - Piperoids are desk-sized robotic characters made entirely from colorful paper pipes. Starting with a handful of tubes and only a pair of scissors, you can build a Piperoid Robot in roughly 30 minutes via a series of cuts and folds.Because all Piperoid characters are built using the same diameter of pipes, pieces can be interchanged to create awesome hybrids. Furthermore, the absence of glue and tape allows you to move all of their joints.
Fastrack - Fastrack is a frenetic desktop disc flinging game. Your goal is to shoot your five wooden discs into your opponent's half of the court. The catch? The opening is only a quarter-inch wider than your ammo.Therefore, you must aim carefully as you pull back on the elastic band used to fire your discs. But don't dilly dally or you'll surely be bombarded and overwhelmed by your opponent. Ride the fine line between speed and accuracy to win the day.
Timeline - The Game - In Timeline, your objective is to correctly place inventions in chronological order. This involves asking yourself questions like, "Was barbed wire invented before or after the can opener?" Yeah. Not so easy.At the start of your turn, select a card from your pile (representing one of mankind's creations) and call out its place amongst the table's current timeline of inventions.Next, flip over your card to reveal its date of creation. If correct, add the card to the timeline. Claim victory by being the first to correctly place all of your cards.
The Original Buddha Board - Live in the moment with the Original Buddha Board. With just a dab of water, each stroke of the brush appears like black ink on the surface. Similar to watercolor painting, the Buddha Board produces soft, beautiful images. As the water slowly evaporates, your painting fades and a new blank canvas is revealed.With the mentality of a Zen Buddhist, you're free to create pictures on a whim, without concern for the outcome. The Buddha Board is great for relaxing, clearing your thoughts, and is just plain fun. It's the perfect gift for the hard-to-shop-for.
Sand by Brookstone - Sånd (rhymes with "wand") brings all the fun of beach sand indoors without any of the mess.You can mold it, sculpt it, and write on it just like wet beach sand, but Sånd is completely dry and only sticks to itself — not your hands!Sånd is an ingenious Swedish invention that is 98% regular sand and 2% polymer. But boy, oh boy, that two percent makes a huge difference!Sånd simply has to be felt to be believed. It oozes when you squeeze it, yet you can sculpt it and it will hold its shape. And watching it flow is simply mesmerizing.
And finally,
Magnetic Thinking Putty - Magnetic Thinking Putty takes regular "silly" putty and turns its awesomeness up to 11. Like any other putty, it can be stretched, bounced, molded, popped, and torn. However, when this putty is in the presence of a magnetic field, it exhibits fascinating properties.Millions of tiny micron-sized magnets are embedded in each handful of Magnetic Thinking Putty. Use the included super-strong ceramic magnet to control the putty like a snake charmer. Or "charge" the blob of putty so it can become a magnet of its own and pick up small tacks and paperclips.
I hope you like our discovery and at the very least, that these products have given you some unusual Christmas ideas for the coming holiday season!
If you do decide to buy any of the above, or better yet, find a UK stockist for these products (outside of Amazon), please do let me know!
N x
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