There is ALWAYS more to learn.

The home education community is currently feeling under attack once again. (There is a pattern.)

Lord Soley's bill had its second reading in the House of Lords last week and is proceeding to the committee stage whereby amendments and changes can be made before it is presented again.

My mood is wobbling between screaming, "I told you so!" to anyone who will listen/hiding from all social media/springing into direct, offensive action or, starting some process of family defense!

Amidst all of this angst though, I think the above title is vitally important.
I am desperately trying not to lose sight of what I love about my family life and why we choose to live as we do.

The title of this post is the reason why I LOVE home education, and especially unschooling.

We are all always learning and we know that there is ALWAYS more to learn. We are never done.

In my house:

• We do not kid ourselves that it is only during 'lesson time' that we are learning something important. 
• We do not wait for someone else to suddenly impart the knowledge we need upon us.
• We do not believe that all there is that is worth learning comes in bite-size chunks in age appropriate categories and can only be delivered by 'qualified' teachers.

The thought of having to teach my children a prescribed curriculum and subject them to standardised testing, just sucks all the joy, spontaneity, creativity and desire OUT of our learning experience and therefore our family lives. If they wanted to learn in a traditional way, they would all choose to be in school (yes, they have the choice and their voices are loud and clear let me assure you :-D).

If the Lords wish to have a larger say in how I educate my children (or how they educate themselves for that matter), they had best be providing the funds for me to do it! This is of course in the same way that they would fund a school! If the Lords want that right then they need to accept the financial responsibility too. I am almost certain that this is not something they would consider.
 
I perhaps would not be quite so bothered by their interest if it weren't for the fact that modern science has demonstrated over and over again that active, effective, long term learning does not happen in a classroom style environment!

Academics have also proven that delaying formal learning IMPROVES long term results.
We know that intrinsic motivation is key and yet we push more and more external rewards.
We also know that homework has no significant, measurable effect on results and yet it is still mandatory in many schools.
We know that our school population are in the poorest mental health EVER in history and yet nothing is being done about it.


Obviously nothing about the bill is set in stone (indeed it may come to absolutely nothing, although I highly doubt it), and I am largely speculating about what might happen in the future, but I think it is safe to say that child led learning (that looks entirely different than 'mainstream' learning) will be more difficult to 'justify' to the local government representatives when they come around for their mandatory home visits.

I find the notion of my children studying a curriculum completely baffling. Why would you want your children to learn facts and information that come from limited and biased sources? Why would you want your children memorising information and 'facts' that are at best of date and at worst incorrect? Why would you want them to be basically the same as every other child? Why would you want to risk their mental health and well being as well as their curiosity and enthusiasm? (NB - I am speaking ONLY for myself.)

I am aware that I am using broad strokes when speaking about school and school children.
I am aware that there are many children who love school.
And to that I say, "Thank goodness!".
Please do not think for one second I am hoping to ban schools or discourage those who love it from attending. I most definitely am not.  Each to their own provided there is no actual harm.

What I am doing is defending my right to make different choices, and the rights of my children to follow their interests, talents, skills and hobbies in their own time and in their own way.

Speaking only for my family, we are active, self-motivated learners. Our minds are waiting all the time to glean some nuance we missed before. Or to hear a new word or explore a new idea. Our lifestyle facilitates our learning.

We embrace our lives as a part of the whole 'lesson'. To spend these precious years in a government institution seems like a huge waste of time and opportunity to me. Again, just speaking for myself.

There are many lessons in this experience too I'm sure and I hope we can all explore them together.

Please, when the time comes, stand by me and my family and help us protect our right to learn in a way that is most meaningful to us.

Join the discussion. This affects us all.

Thanks for reading my tired, our of practice ramblings.

N x

Problems of an Autist!

Today, Dominik saw the physiotherapist for a progress report and he has been discharged! 

This is as a direct result of his dedication and resolve. The improvement seen by us (and confirmed by Sebastian) is remarkable. He has a normal bend at his ankle already (the surgeon was worried that he would not even be able to get it to 90 degrees, let alone exceed it!). I am so thrilled for him. He is elated. Genuinely happy with a real world achievement. Properly proud of himself. For a person with PDA this is a massive accomplishment. 

He has finally dedicated himself to something and it has PAID OFF! No begging. No bribing. No threatening. Not even any nagging! 

He is finally seeing what I have known was there all along...huge potential. He told me himself that he has had a massive confidence boost. 

This operation was a catalyst for him even though I was so angry with myself for letting it happen. Ultimately it seems that it was for the best. 

It has provided the ideal test for Dominik. His well-being and quality of life were truly on the line and he rose to the challenge in a super-human way.

Keep the faith lovelies. <3

And now, on to Autist problems!

Because Dominik has now recovered (and exceeded expectations!), I need to book our rifle shooting classes! 

(I am sure I can almost hear the hysterical laughter coming from fellow PDA warriors!)

In writing the email (because I don't do phone calls) I became acutely aware of the reality of Dominik and people and ammunition all in the same place in real life. I'll be honest here, I'd have chosen pretty much any other sport/hobby/activity first. 

I intended to write a standard enquiry email but it became what I am sharing below. It includes some pertinent points and I'm proud of my advocacy...I think. 

And therein lies the Autist problem...was I too honest? 

Is writing an email like this a good idea? 

Have I prejudiced them from the outset? 

Should I have let him try? 

Urgh. This is so confusing for me and I have no idea if it would be confusing for a neurotypical parent! 

Here's the email

"Hi, 

My names Natasha.

I would like to bring my 12 year old son along to have a taster session with a view to both of us taking beginner classes.

I think it would be £60 each (plus the £5 each for safety and taster?) is this right?

My son has special needs (ASD) so I am joining him as his carer. I do not however envisage any problems outside of over-enthusiasm and possibly over-confidence!

He has just had an operation on both of his Achilles Tendons and as a result, can now stand properly. on his flat feet for the first time since he was around 8 year old. 

His amazing management of the surgery and his recovery are the main reason we are coming. It is the only hobby he is willing to try and I’d love for this to be a success.

He is home educated so is used to being self-directed. His only other 'class' has been parkour (free-running) and he was forced to stop that due to his shortened Achilles tendons which meant he could not balance well enough to progress.

He is a massive fan of weapons in general as a result of his love for COD games and other first person shooters.

To give you an idea of his dedication to the subject, one of his last full days out was to Wrest Park for a St George’s Day event. He was able to identify pretty much every weapon he saw in each 'zone'. It was so much fun and he impressed those who bothered to actually listen to what he was saying/asking.

Please confirm that it would be ok for us to come along, or if you think there may be a different way to give him (us) a taster, I’m happy to hear any suggestions?

Finally, would you please confirm/suggest dates as soon as possible so I can plan things accordingly.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Happy New Year,

Natasha"

Did I over share? Did I advocate? I don't know but I'm looking forward to finding out.

In other news, Harriet is still a climber and will be visiting a local climbing centre this month, Hannon cannot decide on any new classes this term and has refused climbing, kayaking (because of the day of the week) and archery. Lily is devoted to roller skating and is improving fast. We have a bet on now that if she can beat me in a race before Easter she can have a new pair of skates of her choice. I cannot wait to see her skills develop. Lily is also learning Spanish and will continue with Beavers and Cheer-leading. 

As for me, I'm itching to begin a career. I just cannot decide which area I want to focus on. I am torn between gaining a TEFL qualification (so we can travel again) and following my heart towards working with families and children and young people. Such a big choice...could I manage both?!

Enough from me. There is a sleep-over here tonight and as you can imagine, there is not going to be any sleep happening!

Happy New Year. 

May 2017 being you joy, health and love.

N x

PS - 

Misunderstanding and Prejudice.

As a mum of extra-ordinary, special needs children, it is increasingly difficult for me to read countless stories on a daily basis about the amount of misunderstanding and prejudice that is out there in the world of 'professionals'

Everyday I am corresponding with mothers (and some fathers) who are at the end of their tether (and sanity in some cases) when it comes to trying to communicate the needs of their children with those who are meant to be helping them.

There is a stunning lack of empathy and understanding amongst professionals when it comes to supporting a child's sensory, emotional and physical needs. This is particularly evident in the educational establishment, not to mention the paediatric setting and don't even get me started on Social Services.

Let me preface my criticism with this thought - of course there are some amazing professionals out there in the country (and world) but unfortunately they are few and far between. Couple this lack of professional understanding with a parents lack of medical vocabulary, and it can get very adversarial very quickly with the parent often being blamed for their child's needs.

The parents I am corresponding with are telling me that those charged with the safety, education and well-being of their children are simply not listening to them.

They are almost unanimous in their cries of, "They think I'm a bad parent." "They say I lack the skills to the manage my child effectively." "They think he/she is just naughty/attention seeking/dramatic/uncooperative." And the list goes on and is exacerbated by a further lack of adequate diagnosis from the paediatric teams. This is particularly true in the case of Pathological Demand Avoidance which is not in the manual and is therefore 'not even a real condition' but simply a parents excuse for poor behaviour. As a side note, not all parts of the country refuse to diagnose PDA making it even harder for parents to figure out where to turn.

Parents often face the above charges without the professional having spent much more than a few hours with their child and even when parents present video evidence, behaviour diaries and testimony from others who care for their child they are still ignored. How can this be?

The professional literature would have us believe that WE are the experts on our children (and of course, we are) and yet in reality, we are ridiculed, belittled and patronised and, more often than not, sent on parenting courses which, in my opinion, is the worst insult of all, especially if you are the parent of more than one child and the others are 'conforming' and 'behaving well' with no obvious difficulties. Surely this alone indicates that it is not the fault of the parent?

My son has Sensory Processing Disorder (a condition commonly diagnosed alongside an ASD) and he often needs deep pressure, movement breaks, quiet time, something to chew or fiddle with and more sensory feedback from his environment (a sensory diet). He can react violently to loud noises, bright lights, too many people and strong smells. As his mum, I know what might cause extreme reactions and I am able to monitor and control his environment when necessary to avoid the sensory overload. I know when he needs his ear-defenders or his chewing gum or even a great big squeeze!

I don't think these adaptations are unreasonable if it allows him to regulate himself and participate in 'normal' activities! They are a necessary part of his 'therapy' and have a huge impact on his behaviour. I think they should be respected, just as you would allow a diabetic to take their insulin, or a wheelchair user to be able to use a lift. Just because they are not visible, it does not mean they are not real.

Now, why can't the professionals accept and meet these needs too? If my son were at school, I would send him armed with a list of strategies and techniques to give to the professionals in order to help them understand and support him. I would give them a very long tip sheet about PDA and how best to get him on board with any given task so that he stands the best chance of being able to comply and enjoy what he is doing. What parent wouldn't?

However, the chances are, my carefully though-out tip sheet and long list of successful strategies would be ignored/forgotten in amongst the mass of other tasks that teachers/TA's have to do in a day.

Fair enough, I guess. They do have a lot to do (and lots of other needs to take into account) but, if they do not utilise our suggestions, surely the resulting punishment of our children is discrimination? They are inevitably punishing our children for their disability! How can this ever be acceptable?

I read about illegal exclusions and draconian punishments DAILY which are a direct result of teachers and TA's being unable to meet the needs of our very special children. I admit, these needs are high, but the professionals have a duty of care, and they accept that duty of care and when they fail to meet the standard of care our children deserve, what are the consequences?

The consequences are disastrous. Not only for the teachers, TA's and other children affected during the school day, but also for the child in question and just as importantly, for the child's family when the school day ends.

When that child goes home they will need to release all that tension, frustration, upset and sensory overload somehow. They will more often than not, explode through the door at home and unleash a storm of fury and pent up anger all over their loved ones.

And here enters another 'professional' who, when told about this set of behaviours, instantly thinks that there must therefore be a problem at home! How ludicrous! How uninformed! How insulting!

No, Mr or Mrs Professional, this does not mean there must be a problem at home. On the contrary in fact, it means that home is where this child feels safe enough to let it all 'hang out'. This is where they can release and be themselves without fear of punishment, ridicule or reprisal for their behaviour.

Home is where all of the unmet needs of the day manifest into behaviours which communicate just how badly that child has been failed by their care-givers during their day.

Parents have to deal with the fall out of a failing system only to be told that their parenting is at fault! That their child's behaviour is a result of their lack of boundaries and training on their part.

Sigh.

It is such a soul destroying situation for these parents. Not only is their child being failed, but now they are being blamed for that failure.

How can we begin to address this issue? 

Well, I think, knowledge, knowledge and more knowledge is the only realistic and long-term answer.

Gathering this knowledge from caring, empathetic professionals (Jude Seaward and Felicity Evans to name two I know of), other parents, adults with special needs (who have long since left behind their school days) and of course, listening to our children, is the best way forward.

Places like The Avenue, and volunteers like Joanne, Elaine and Sarah, who are dedicated to expanding the knowledge of parents and carers, is the future.

It is groups like The Avenue that will make the difference to our children by empowering parents and informing professionals.

It is only when parents are given the confidence and appropriate vocabulary that they will be able to effectively advocate for the rights of their special children.

So, please, please, please, spread the word.

Share your experiences.
Share your knowledge.
Share your thoughts and feelings.
Share with anyone who will listen.

Do not be embarrassed (or shy) about disagreeing with a 'professional'.
Do not be intimidated by their qualifications.
Do not let them claim that they know better than you if what they are saying goes against your instincts and ignores your knowledge of your child.

Trust yourself. Get informed. Ask questions.

Be the best advocate you can be.

N x