A few little things made me smile today and oh man, did I need to!
I just tucked everyone into bed and I wanted to share my joy at our achievement in this area! I'm sure all parents can empathise with traumatic bedtimes.
I used to sleep with Hannon and Lily in my bedroom. They used to have no set bedtime. They used to be awake until I could not be nice any longer! They seriously used to test my patience in the truest sense of the phrase and it was tough for me. I was a newly single mother of three, with two high needs children, trying to 'traditionally' home school a PDA child (!!!!) and getting used to a new-ish life living in Bedford, alone, dependent upon social security benefits.
So, I had to find a solution for bedtime before I lost my marbles!
Between us, we negotiated a new routine. Everyone in their own bedrooms. No electronics after 10pm. Read/play until they were tired if needed.
I set a new limit on food at bedtime too. I simply refused to make anything else after 9pm. That was when I 'clocked off' from the kitchen.
I think that because we came to this arrangement together, I was hopeful that it would work for everyone and give me back some of my much needed mental powers!
There were a few blips. Hannon and Lily shared a room for a while and then Hannon decided he wanted his privacy. Fair enough. We transitioned Lily into her own room over a week, reminding her every day it was happening and we hoped for the best! Then she used to sneak in her tablet for a bit (until Hannon caught her) but I think that was to ease in the change in her own way! No big deal.
Well, she doesn't even think about doing that now and she did so great!
They now both sleep in their own rooms and are in bed by 10pm.
No electronics.
No food.
No fighting.
No exhausted, grumpy mum!
Yay!
All consensual. All peaceful. All happy.
Hannon is now reading his sixth manga series (don't even ask how much this is costing because it is worth every penny) and has probably read them all several times over.
Lily is reading whatever she can get her hands on but mostly manga, rhyming stories and poems that are familiar.
Harriet goes to sleep whenever she damn well pleases!!! Hahahaha! Yup, the baby has no idea that she needs to sleep. She is learning so much (and loving doing so) that she simply thinks that she has no time to sleep! Sigh. It is tiring but so worth it. Today she spotted a bumble bee in a book and screamed because she clearly recognised that she had seen one earlier in the day. We had chased one through the flowers in the garden. She can now sign 'milk', 'dog', 'finished' and 'monkey'. She is confident, beautiful, smart and completely charming! But, I'm biased of course.
And last but by no means least, Dominik.
Dominik has found new life since we began brushing (to release all of his retained infant reflexes). He is currently focused on his comic dubbing (and some singing) and is even auditioning for parts in other people's comic dubs.
He has wowed me with his ability to learn new skills. He has learnt to use programmes such as: Audacity, Synthesia, Movie Maker, Paint Tool Psi (sp?), Dropbox and probably some more I've forgotten, in a little over a month!
He is researching information about microphones and sound proofing and is asking for equipment for his not-too-distant birthday. He is truly happy and satisfied. He is drawing on a graphics tablet that Lily let him have (she really did!) and improving so fast. He is barely gaming at all. He is making new friends daily, He has stopped obsessing over how many views his videos are getting on YouTube. He is asking about punctuation! He is also teaching himself how to play the keyboard! He is just enjoying life so much. I am not sure I ever thought I would see him like this. Melts me.
And what about me I hear you ask!
Well, I've been shit! I know!! How is that possible?
I think what happened is that life got a bit 'quieter' (with all the kids doing so well) and then my world came into focus for the first time in a very long while.
I've struggled to reconcile being alone if I'm being completely honest with myself. I am angry and disappointed that those who undertook this journey with me are no longer there beside me.
I am bereft at the reality that my own mother is not offering me some extra support right now given that she was with me during two recent Dr's appointments where they both said that ideally, I should be in hospital.
However, I've started to feel a little better and am slowly leaving the fog behind. That is mostly because of my smashing friends and my growing support network.
Ok, I know these groups can't do anything practical on the kind of scale that I actually desperately need and want (a few days off), but they can listen, console, empathise, advise and perhaps most importantly, make me laugh. And that is what they have all done in their own ways.
It really is the little things that cumulatively make the most difference in normal, daily life.
No, my mum has not offered to give me a few nights off (shame really given that I have had only 7 in 12 years) but, my days have become less dark because there really are people out there who do care about me.
I know there are, because they tell me so.
N x
Showing posts with label single mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single mother. Show all posts
Wednesday, 22 June 2016
Tuesday, 12 May 2015
Observation without assumption
Sunday we had a visitor.
Ordinarily this would not be blog worthy material but, I mention it (mostly) because she has been such an important part of our journey (and instrumental in furthering my understanding of my children), and also because she is such an inspirational lady.
Her name is Felicity Evans. Yes, I have mentioned her before here in my blog-life, but she certainly deserves another mention today. Her visits are fleeting and far between due to the fact that she still works full-time at Nature Kids whilst also watching over some of those children who have long since left her care and can no longer even be called children!
I open the door to find her laden with bags (as always)! She has a plethora of outdoor toys (shuttle cocks, hula hoops, bats, balls, boomerangs and more), clothes for Harriet and healthy snacks for all (serving to remind me that I must do better in this regard). She never fails to delight us all upon her arrival. She seems to have an instinct for what we all want/need and I marvel at her intuition.
A visit from Felicity is valuable for me on so many levels. She 'sees' my children for one! Such a revelation. She also never fails to notice just how intricately I manage my household (reminding me that true professionals make whatever it is they are doing look easy). She delights in mine and my children's idiosyncrasies and allows us all to be completely ourselves.
Let's flash to when she drew up for a moment in order to illustrate this better.
I want to paint a picture of what Dominik was doing, literally, as he watched her pull up in her car.
Background -
His little brother broke his television a couple of months ago so, I put a claim to our insurance company and was given the money to replace it. I did this and I 'upgraded' it while I was at it. It is much bigger and has much better picture quality than his old one did.
The picture quality is where the problem has arisen and Dominik is convinced he should have the new television because 'he cares more about the graphics' and his 'PS4 has the ability to make use of those better graphics and the PS3 doesn't'.
Both of these things are indeed true.
However, Dominik was offered a new television at Christmas which he turned down in favour of the PS4. Fair enough. End of discussion as far as I am concerned.
Fast forward to Sunday.
Dominik begins chasing Hannon around the house screaming and swearing at the top of his voice, that he is going to swap the television for his and that is that. We have already been over this dozens of times at this point and Dominik knows that I am NOT going to change my mind. For once, Hannon is going to have something brand new and excellent all for himself.
So, I open my front door as I run past it (baby in arms) trying to intercept Dominik and free Hannon before it turns violent. I scream "Come in!" as I pass. Dominik now has Hannon cornered in the kitchen where he is cowering under the table. Bugger.
I manage to put myself between them for long enough that Hannon can escape back upstairs to sanctuary.
Felicity has come in and as she enters the kitchen. I introduce her to Harriet. Meanwhile, Dominik is still swearing and shouting at me about the television.
I do my best to empathise and console him (this works most of the time) but to no avail. He drops to the floor and crawls under the table. I try to coax him out with promises of pineapple and strawberries and by encouraging him to smile at Harriet, but he is having none of it today. Oh well. I look at Felicity and she beckons me to leave him be, so I do.
We continue our 'Hello's' and within about 3 minutes Dominik has crawled out from under the table (perhps sensing that it is safe to do so?), with his hand covering his face declaring that he doesn't want to see anyone and just wants to be alone. We watch him go.
Felicity then quietly comments on how calmly I handled the situation and, more importantly, she points out how amazingly quickly and well Dominik handled the situation and was able to self-regulate and calm himself down.
She is right. In recent weeks Dominik has been far more capable of regulating himself on lots of levels (although not all as the incident in the woods evidenced). He no longer eats copious amounts of rubbish food, he steps away from the screen when he needs to, he comes out with us far more regularly (provided it is not too far in the car), he showers when he thinks he needs to (this isn't anywhere near as often as I think he needs to, but, well, it's a start) and he knows what actions to take when he feels himself losing control.
What an amazing achievement! Some people arrive at adulthood, with no special needs whatsoever and can't manage to do that.
Thank you Felicity for helping me consciously observe Dominik.
Thanks for reading and please, if you have any thoughts, please do share them in the comments or by email.
Take good care.
N x
Ordinarily this would not be blog worthy material but, I mention it (mostly) because she has been such an important part of our journey (and instrumental in furthering my understanding of my children), and also because she is such an inspirational lady.
Her name is Felicity Evans. Yes, I have mentioned her before here in my blog-life, but she certainly deserves another mention today. Her visits are fleeting and far between due to the fact that she still works full-time at Nature Kids whilst also watching over some of those children who have long since left her care and can no longer even be called children!
I open the door to find her laden with bags (as always)! She has a plethora of outdoor toys (shuttle cocks, hula hoops, bats, balls, boomerangs and more), clothes for Harriet and healthy snacks for all (serving to remind me that I must do better in this regard). She never fails to delight us all upon her arrival. She seems to have an instinct for what we all want/need and I marvel at her intuition.
A visit from Felicity is valuable for me on so many levels. She 'sees' my children for one! Such a revelation. She also never fails to notice just how intricately I manage my household (reminding me that true professionals make whatever it is they are doing look easy). She delights in mine and my children's idiosyncrasies and allows us all to be completely ourselves.
Let's flash to when she drew up for a moment in order to illustrate this better.
I want to paint a picture of what Dominik was doing, literally, as he watched her pull up in her car.
Background -
His little brother broke his television a couple of months ago so, I put a claim to our insurance company and was given the money to replace it. I did this and I 'upgraded' it while I was at it. It is much bigger and has much better picture quality than his old one did.
The picture quality is where the problem has arisen and Dominik is convinced he should have the new television because 'he cares more about the graphics' and his 'PS4 has the ability to make use of those better graphics and the PS3 doesn't'.
Both of these things are indeed true.
However, Dominik was offered a new television at Christmas which he turned down in favour of the PS4. Fair enough. End of discussion as far as I am concerned.
Fast forward to Sunday.
Dominik begins chasing Hannon around the house screaming and swearing at the top of his voice, that he is going to swap the television for his and that is that. We have already been over this dozens of times at this point and Dominik knows that I am NOT going to change my mind. For once, Hannon is going to have something brand new and excellent all for himself.
So, I open my front door as I run past it (baby in arms) trying to intercept Dominik and free Hannon before it turns violent. I scream "Come in!" as I pass. Dominik now has Hannon cornered in the kitchen where he is cowering under the table. Bugger.
I manage to put myself between them for long enough that Hannon can escape back upstairs to sanctuary.
Felicity has come in and as she enters the kitchen. I introduce her to Harriet. Meanwhile, Dominik is still swearing and shouting at me about the television.
I do my best to empathise and console him (this works most of the time) but to no avail. He drops to the floor and crawls under the table. I try to coax him out with promises of pineapple and strawberries and by encouraging him to smile at Harriet, but he is having none of it today. Oh well. I look at Felicity and she beckons me to leave him be, so I do.
We continue our 'Hello's' and within about 3 minutes Dominik has crawled out from under the table (perhps sensing that it is safe to do so?), with his hand covering his face declaring that he doesn't want to see anyone and just wants to be alone. We watch him go.
Felicity then quietly comments on how calmly I handled the situation and, more importantly, she points out how amazingly quickly and well Dominik handled the situation and was able to self-regulate and calm himself down.
She is right. In recent weeks Dominik has been far more capable of regulating himself on lots of levels (although not all as the incident in the woods evidenced). He no longer eats copious amounts of rubbish food, he steps away from the screen when he needs to, he comes out with us far more regularly (provided it is not too far in the car), he showers when he thinks he needs to (this isn't anywhere near as often as I think he needs to, but, well, it's a start) and he knows what actions to take when he feels himself losing control.
What an amazing achievement! Some people arrive at adulthood, with no special needs whatsoever and can't manage to do that.
Thank you Felicity for helping me consciously observe Dominik.
Thanks for reading and please, if you have any thoughts, please do share them in the comments or by email.
Take good care.
N x
Saturday, 21 March 2015
It's been four weeks! Time flies when there's a newborn in the house!
So, Harriet Amelia Mae arrived via scheduled c-section (at 39 weeks gestation), on February 20th 2015, at 10.12am weighing in at a super dinky, 6lb 14oz.
We are now four weeks into our new life as a five-some and I have to say, so far so good!
As some of you will remember, I was terrified at the prospect of a c-section, so, I went all Aspie-on-its-arse!
I researched the subject until I was satisfied (read; exhausted/blue in the face) that I had enough tools at my disposal to facilitate a speedy and effective recovery. I simply could not bear the thought of being out of action with my lot for up to six weeks (with no driving) with a new baby in the house too! No way Jose!
So, in case it is useful to anyone, here is what I learned about surgery, c-sections and effective recovery broken down into the various categories. I will try my best not to forget anything because I think I have made an almost miraculous recovery!
Homeopathy
Essential Oils
Herbs
Supplements
Positive Affirmations
Medical Equipment
Extras!
As some of you will remember, I was terrified at the prospect of a c-section, so, I went all Aspie-on-its-arse!
I researched the subject until I was satisfied (read; exhausted/blue in the face) that I had enough tools at my disposal to facilitate a speedy and effective recovery. I simply could not bear the thought of being out of action with my lot for up to six weeks (with no driving) with a new baby in the house too! No way Jose!
So, in case it is useful to anyone, here is what I learned about surgery, c-sections and effective recovery broken down into the various categories. I will try my best not to forget anything because I think I have made an almost miraculous recovery!
Homeopathy
- Arnica
- Aconite
- Bellis Perennis
- Staphisagria
Essential Oils
- Lavender
- Geranium
- Tea Tree Oil
Herbs
- Fenugreek
- Alfalfa
Supplements
- Papaya Enzyme Extract,
- Serrapeptase
- L-Glutamine
- ProBiotics
- Chlorella
Vitamins
- Vitamin C
- Iron
- Multivitamin
Positive Affirmations
Medical Equipment
- Theraline C-Section Recovery Belt
- Girdle
- Fibre rich
- High protein
- Whole grain
- Fresh
- Organic
Extras!
- Miso instant cup-a-soup
- Nuts, seeds, dried fruit
- Granola Bars
- Green & Black's chocolate
- Peppermint Tea
- Bach Peppermint Rescue Remedy Gum
- Senekot
- Ibuprofen
- Paracetamol
- Something to relieve wind but I can't remember what it was called!
- Placenta Capsules
I hope that is useful to someone! And as always, please don't hesitate to get in touch if you have any questions.
Here is a picture of my beautiful baby girl at four weeks old. Please excuse her blue mouth...I have been treating her oral thrush with gentian violet 1% and it turns everything bluish/purple!
Thanks for reading, as always,
N x
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