Whilst Lily and I were making paper craft snowflakes this evening loads of things occurred that I felt compelled to share!
Firstly, it was unanimous, amoung our little family at least, that the 6 pointed snowflakes looked amazing when compared with the 4 pointed snowflakes.
We asked eachother why and had a nice discussion about nature, Fibonacci numbers, symmetry, tessellation, fractions and probably a couple of other things too! Win, win with a spontaneous and cool Christmas craft!
The snowflakes also brought to light a few other things unrelated to the snowflakes themselves.
Lily found it really hard. Overall. Not just one part. She could not imagine the completed snowflake in her head and even after she had cut one, she had to refold it and study what she had done in order to draw another. She also could not follow a pattern. Whilst she was designing her snowflake, she constantly unfolded and refolded, indicating again that she was unable to imagine what it may look like in the end (when unfolded). She point blank (read - after a huge meltdown), refused to use the second method we found for folding the paper (the one that created the 6 pointed snowflakes) because she thought the first method was easier. And finally, she found the cutting really stressful. She was breathing hard and then holding her breathe. She was groaning and gnarling with frustration. She was terrified she would cut her design too far and ruin it. She did actually do this a couple of times and both were snowflakes were violently screwed up and thrown across the table.
However, she is now happily sat making her snowflakes, her way and she is improving fast! Oh, and they are being stuck all over the house! :-)
During the snowflake making, Dominik came into the kitchen with his office chair, tablet, hat and headphones so that I could do his daily neurodevelopmental exercises. Amazing. I didn't even ask him to come. He wandered in and was ready to get started.
Well, that didn't last long. It really was too good to be true.
Let me explain why I think Dominik then had a huge meltdown (larger than he's experienced in a fair few weeks).
On Wednesday, we're going to see Hamilton in London. I cannot recall if I have ever mentioned his obsession with the musical in this blog, but, it's been there, for probably around 9 months now. He knows all the words to a large chunk of the songs. He has researched it's performers and writer, read parts of the Benjamin Franklin papers, learned some American History, spent hours singing the songs and has generally been very Autistic about it!
It's heavily on his mind and is basically replacing Christmas as his 'event' this year. Everything in his life revolves around 7.30pm Wednesday night. He is excited, terrified, nervous, angry, thankful and anxious all the time.
So, back to the kitchen, the reason he was unable to even start his therapy is because he started talking to me about his sleep pattern. It is all over the place and he has been trying to 'correct it' (his words, not mine). As he sat on his chair he asked me what I thought he could do to try and ensure he does not feel tired during our evening out to see Hamilton (which is in fact a late afternoon to an early morning in reality) and I answered him.
That was my mistake. He did not actually want to hear my suggestions (turn everything off, have a warm milk, put on the fan for white noise and stay in bed to relax and, hopefully at the very least, help his body understand that it is bed time now), what he wanted was a big hug and some empathy.
Soooooo, mine were not helpful suggestions in the circumstances. They were stupid, useless, a waste of time and obviously not going to work for him (his words). Sigh. He stomped off. Slammed his chair against the kitchen cupboards and slammed his bedroom door for good measure.
I probably should have seen it coming when I noticed that his actions were literally, 'too good to be true' but I didn't. I was worn out from calming and coaching Lily for half an hour. I was brain numb from talking about Fibonacci and geometry. I was excited that Dominik was doing something VOLUNTARILY that I have literally had to beg him to do every. single. day. since September. I missed the clues!
But, here I am now, analyzing what happened and seeing it all more clearly.
I think that's why I write this blog. Having no partner to reflect with means that I have to get the thoughts out somewhere! Ta-da! :-)
Dominik will be ok. I will go downstairs now and give him that hug and tell him that of course he won't feel tired and that of course he WILL NOT fall asleep on Wednesday! And that it is going to be perfect.
Thanks for reading!
N x
PS - Snowflakes also made me think of a friend who lost a loved one this week and send her a little extra prayer. Life is just so precious and fleeting, much like snowflakes themselves, so love each other and be kind. <3
PPS - Lily is writing her first manga! Just giving it a mention because otherwise I will never remember when she wrote it!
Showing posts with label meltdown. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meltdown. Show all posts
Monday, 18 December 2017
Monday, 27 November 2017
There is ALWAYS more to learn.
The home education community is currently feeling under attack once again. (There is a pattern.)
Lord Soley's bill had its second reading in the House of Lords last week and is proceeding to the committee stage whereby amendments and changes can be made before it is presented again.
My mood is wobbling between screaming, "I told you so!" to anyone who will listen/hiding from all social media/springing into direct, offensive action or, starting some process of family defense!
Amidst all of this angst though, I think the above title is vitally important.
I am desperately trying not to lose sight of what I love about my family life and why we choose to live as we do.
The title of this post is the reason why I LOVE home education, and especially unschooling.
We are all always learning and we know that there is ALWAYS more to learn. We are never done.
In my house:
If the Lords wish to have a larger say in how I educate my children (or how they educate themselves for that matter), they had best be providing the funds for me to do it! This is of course in the same way that they would fund a school! If the Lords want that right then they need to accept the financial responsibility too. I am almost certain that this is not something they would consider.
I perhaps would not be quite so bothered by their interest if it weren't for the fact that modern science has demonstrated over and over again that active, effective, long term learning does not happen in a classroom style environment!
Academics have also proven that delaying formal learning IMPROVES long term results.
We know that intrinsic motivation is key and yet we push more and more external rewards.
We also know that homework has no significant, measurable effect on results and yet it is still mandatory in many schools.
We know that our school population are in the poorest mental health EVER in history and yet nothing is being done about it.
Obviously nothing about the bill is set in stone (indeed it may come to absolutely nothing, although I highly doubt it), and I am largely speculating about what might happen in the future, but I think it is safe to say that child led learning (that looks entirely different than 'mainstream' learning) will be more difficult to 'justify' to the local government representatives when they come around for their mandatory home visits.
I find the notion of my children studying a curriculum completely baffling. Why would you want your children to learn facts and information that come from limited and biased sources? Why would you want your children memorising information and 'facts' that are at best of date and at worst incorrect? Why would you want them to be basically the same as every other child? Why would you want to risk their mental health and well being as well as their curiosity and enthusiasm? (NB - I am speaking ONLY for myself.)
I am aware that I am using broad strokes when speaking about school and school children.
I am aware that there are many children who love school.
And to that I say, "Thank goodness!".
Please do not think for one second I am hoping to ban schools or discourage those who love it from attending. I most definitely am not. Each to their own provided there is no actual harm.
What I am doing is defending my right to make different choices, and the rights of my children to follow their interests, talents, skills and hobbies in their own time and in their own way.
Speaking only for my family, we are active, self-motivated learners. Our minds are waiting all the time to glean some nuance we missed before. Or to hear a new word or explore a new idea. Our lifestyle facilitates our learning.
We embrace our lives as a part of the whole 'lesson'. To spend these precious years in a government institution seems like a huge waste of time and opportunity to me. Again, just speaking for myself.
There are many lessons in this experience too I'm sure and I hope we can all explore them together.
Please, when the time comes, stand by me and my family and help us protect our right to learn in a way that is most meaningful to us.
Join the discussion. This affects us all.
Thanks for reading my tired, our of practice ramblings.
N x
Lord Soley's bill had its second reading in the House of Lords last week and is proceeding to the committee stage whereby amendments and changes can be made before it is presented again.
My mood is wobbling between screaming, "I told you so!" to anyone who will listen/hiding from all social media/springing into direct, offensive action or, starting some process of family defense!
Amidst all of this angst though, I think the above title is vitally important.
I am desperately trying not to lose sight of what I love about my family life and why we choose to live as we do.
The title of this post is the reason why I LOVE home education, and especially unschooling.
We are all always learning and we know that there is ALWAYS more to learn. We are never done.
In my house:
- We do not kid ourselves that it is only during 'lesson time' that we are learning something important.
- We do not wait for someone else to suddenly impart the knowledge we need upon us.
- We do not believe that all there is that is worth learning comes in bite-size chunks in age appropriate categories and can only be delivered by 'qualified' teachers.
If the Lords wish to have a larger say in how I educate my children (or how they educate themselves for that matter), they had best be providing the funds for me to do it! This is of course in the same way that they would fund a school! If the Lords want that right then they need to accept the financial responsibility too. I am almost certain that this is not something they would consider.
I perhaps would not be quite so bothered by their interest if it weren't for the fact that modern science has demonstrated over and over again that active, effective, long term learning does not happen in a classroom style environment!
Academics have also proven that delaying formal learning IMPROVES long term results.
We know that intrinsic motivation is key and yet we push more and more external rewards.
We also know that homework has no significant, measurable effect on results and yet it is still mandatory in many schools.
We know that our school population are in the poorest mental health EVER in history and yet nothing is being done about it.
Obviously nothing about the bill is set in stone (indeed it may come to absolutely nothing, although I highly doubt it), and I am largely speculating about what might happen in the future, but I think it is safe to say that child led learning (that looks entirely different than 'mainstream' learning) will be more difficult to 'justify' to the local government representatives when they come around for their mandatory home visits.
I find the notion of my children studying a curriculum completely baffling. Why would you want your children to learn facts and information that come from limited and biased sources? Why would you want your children memorising information and 'facts' that are at best of date and at worst incorrect? Why would you want them to be basically the same as every other child? Why would you want to risk their mental health and well being as well as their curiosity and enthusiasm? (NB - I am speaking ONLY for myself.)
I am aware that I am using broad strokes when speaking about school and school children.
I am aware that there are many children who love school.
And to that I say, "Thank goodness!".
Please do not think for one second I am hoping to ban schools or discourage those who love it from attending. I most definitely am not. Each to their own provided there is no actual harm.
What I am doing is defending my right to make different choices, and the rights of my children to follow their interests, talents, skills and hobbies in their own time and in their own way.
Speaking only for my family, we are active, self-motivated learners. Our minds are waiting all the time to glean some nuance we missed before. Or to hear a new word or explore a new idea. Our lifestyle facilitates our learning.
We embrace our lives as a part of the whole 'lesson'. To spend these precious years in a government institution seems like a huge waste of time and opportunity to me. Again, just speaking for myself.
There are many lessons in this experience too I'm sure and I hope we can all explore them together.
Please, when the time comes, stand by me and my family and help us protect our right to learn in a way that is most meaningful to us.
Join the discussion. This affects us all.
Thanks for reading my tired, our of practice ramblings.
N x
Sunday, 11 June 2017
It's the moments that take your breath away.
Tonight I connected with my children in my favourite way.
We each spent some time reflecting on our day and listening to it from a different perspective. I would love to say we do this every night, but we don't! We often discuss particular events but we rarely talk about our entire day as we did tonight.
Lily came to tell me that she'd let the cat out, locked all the doors, turned off all the lights and folded up her clothes. I must have had the most dramatic change in demeanor because suddenly Lily was beside herself with joy! The feeling that engulfed me when she listed all the things she had just done (as well as being in her pajama's and having brushed her teeth) was one of utter love. I felt cared for, loved, heard and appreciated all at once.
Lily had done all of those jobs, in her own words, "Because I am getting older now and I need to learn to look after myself more." without any prompting at all from me.
My children are asked to help when needed, but are rarely required to do something for me when I ask (under threat or bribe). Lily has simply observed me and listened to my questions if she comes upstairs after I do, and learnt what jobs must be done before coming up to go to bed.
Of course she has!
In my deepest, most secure place I know my children are learning these things all the time, but at a shallower level, I still shit myself regularly that I'm doing this mum thing all wrong!
As Lily and I were talking, we discussed something that had happened when we had guests over this afternoon. Lily, plus 3 other children including Dominik, had been playing on the trampoline when Dominik pushed Lily and she fell into another child.
Lily hit her mouth and a massive meltdown ensued. She screamed at the top of her voice and listeners would have thought she was dying! Dominik simply climbed off the trampoline and said quietly that he was going inside.
I calmly tried to reassure Lily that she was ok and that she could have anything she needed to help her calm down. She was insistent that Dominik had hurt her lip on purpose. She did not comprehend that it was an accident. She assigned blame for her poorly mouth to the push from Dominik. She was inconsolable. :-(
When we talked about this before bed tonight, Lily said that she had acted childishly and that she was sorry for screaming. We decided to risk disturbing Dominik to tell him that we were both very proud of him, that we loved him and that Lily was sorry.
We first checked that all the doors were indeed locked (!), and then knocked on his door. He said we could come in and Lily, calmly and kindly, said she was sorry for what she did and that she knew he did not do it on purpose. He was visibly relieved and thanked Lily for coming to tell him.
Dominik interacted with two young men today, neither of whom are associated with particularly positive memories, and he did it amazingly well. I am so proud. He has had an abnormal sleep pattern again recently and has been really struggling to live with us all (and vice versa) but, the effort he has put in is paying off. I think he has realised, for the time being at least, that he does enjoy life when we spend more time together and that he can exercise some self control if he is able to pay attention.
Lily also played hostess today and loved it! She asked more than once if everyone was having a nice time (asking for a show of hands!), put food on plates and brought almost everything outside, all by herself. She was so proud to have been a help. It was amazing.
Hannon played happily with both of our visitors and didn't eat all the pizza before anyone else had had some! :-D He was also an amazing host. Polite, friendly and fun.
Harriet, and my lovely friend who babysat for me today (hey Sharon!), looked to have had an amazing time together too judging from the pictures! Harriet had looked forward to Sharon and Pepsi arriving all day so was quite happy for me to toddle off to my roller derby course without so much as a backwards glance!
Today I was so blessed.
Good friends. Lovely food. Fresh air. Roller skates. Love. Gratitude. Understanding. Learning. Happiness.
I'm pretty sure I could not ask for more.
Hope you all have a blessed week
N x
PS - UPDATE - Dominik has made some huge developmental leaps as a result of his brushing and movement therapy. For the first time ever he is becoming self-aware. The egocentricity, notable during toddler hood, is finally abating. He is starting to see that he is a part of a system and not alone in this place. He is taking better care of his immediate environment and is being more considerate than I had ever dared to hope for.
Small steps. Kind words. Patience.
We each spent some time reflecting on our day and listening to it from a different perspective. I would love to say we do this every night, but we don't! We often discuss particular events but we rarely talk about our entire day as we did tonight.
Lily came to tell me that she'd let the cat out, locked all the doors, turned off all the lights and folded up her clothes. I must have had the most dramatic change in demeanor because suddenly Lily was beside herself with joy! The feeling that engulfed me when she listed all the things she had just done (as well as being in her pajama's and having brushed her teeth) was one of utter love. I felt cared for, loved, heard and appreciated all at once.
Lily had done all of those jobs, in her own words, "Because I am getting older now and I need to learn to look after myself more." without any prompting at all from me.
My children are asked to help when needed, but are rarely required to do something for me when I ask (under threat or bribe). Lily has simply observed me and listened to my questions if she comes upstairs after I do, and learnt what jobs must be done before coming up to go to bed.
Of course she has!
In my deepest, most secure place I know my children are learning these things all the time, but at a shallower level, I still shit myself regularly that I'm doing this mum thing all wrong!
As Lily and I were talking, we discussed something that had happened when we had guests over this afternoon. Lily, plus 3 other children including Dominik, had been playing on the trampoline when Dominik pushed Lily and she fell into another child.
Lily hit her mouth and a massive meltdown ensued. She screamed at the top of her voice and listeners would have thought she was dying! Dominik simply climbed off the trampoline and said quietly that he was going inside.
I calmly tried to reassure Lily that she was ok and that she could have anything she needed to help her calm down. She was insistent that Dominik had hurt her lip on purpose. She did not comprehend that it was an accident. She assigned blame for her poorly mouth to the push from Dominik. She was inconsolable. :-(
When we talked about this before bed tonight, Lily said that she had acted childishly and that she was sorry for screaming. We decided to risk disturbing Dominik to tell him that we were both very proud of him, that we loved him and that Lily was sorry.
We first checked that all the doors were indeed locked (!), and then knocked on his door. He said we could come in and Lily, calmly and kindly, said she was sorry for what she did and that she knew he did not do it on purpose. He was visibly relieved and thanked Lily for coming to tell him.
Dominik interacted with two young men today, neither of whom are associated with particularly positive memories, and he did it amazingly well. I am so proud. He has had an abnormal sleep pattern again recently and has been really struggling to live with us all (and vice versa) but, the effort he has put in is paying off. I think he has realised, for the time being at least, that he does enjoy life when we spend more time together and that he can exercise some self control if he is able to pay attention.
Lily also played hostess today and loved it! She asked more than once if everyone was having a nice time (asking for a show of hands!), put food on plates and brought almost everything outside, all by herself. She was so proud to have been a help. It was amazing.
Hannon played happily with both of our visitors and didn't eat all the pizza before anyone else had had some! :-D He was also an amazing host. Polite, friendly and fun.
Harriet, and my lovely friend who babysat for me today (hey Sharon!), looked to have had an amazing time together too judging from the pictures! Harriet had looked forward to Sharon and Pepsi arriving all day so was quite happy for me to toddle off to my roller derby course without so much as a backwards glance!
Today I was so blessed.
Good friends. Lovely food. Fresh air. Roller skates. Love. Gratitude. Understanding. Learning. Happiness.
I'm pretty sure I could not ask for more.
Hope you all have a blessed week
N x
PS - UPDATE - Dominik has made some huge developmental leaps as a result of his brushing and movement therapy. For the first time ever he is becoming self-aware. The egocentricity, notable during toddler hood, is finally abating. He is starting to see that he is a part of a system and not alone in this place. He is taking better care of his immediate environment and is being more considerate than I had ever dared to hope for.
Small steps. Kind words. Patience.
Baby-wearing (28months, so not really a baby anymore!) my way through painting my garden furniture and cutting the grass!
Wednesday, 11 November 2015
Ups and Downs.
As is becoming my way, I wrote this in response to a message from a friend and it sums up where we are at nicely.
So, I honestly cannot think of anything that we have been doing in particular that is noteworthy but I do know that I am utterly EXHAUSTED!
Half-term turned out to be quite busy I guess with a couple of trips to woods (mushroom hunting and tracking and then making wands and pixie dust), some shopping with mum for my birthday (Fly boots rock!) and then some friends visiting here and there (one day I had 8 children in the house...arghhhhh!).
I guess I am doing ok but I am still a little lonely. It sucks not having anyone to pick up the slack when I'm tired or stressed out. At the end of a bad day what I would not give to have someone to chat to about what happened. What I would not give to have someone bring me a coffee in the morning, just sometimes. I do begin to go a little crazy inside my own mind some days.
This especially applies after Dominik or Lily meltdown and I've used up all my energy (which is usually at a pretty high level!) sorting them out and then there are still Harriet and Hannon to support in the aftermath.
Yesterday in particular was bad. Dominik has been having serious trouble sleeping again (we're talking between 4 and 6 am to fall asleep) so yesterday, when we had to get to parkour for 1pm, he was shattered and not in any fit state to get through it. I was dreading it before we got out of the door as he insisted on wearing his new trainers despite not having even worn them in the house yet! Yup, setting himself up for the inevitable fall.
He had the most massive public meltdown he has had in a very long time (so long in fact that I can't recall the last time) and it was spectacular.
Swearing, kicking, shouting, punching and crying all at the top of his very loud voice in a very small gym.
It was all because he could not agree with the other children where his place in the line was and then, because they all disagreed with him, he felt that they were bullying him. It was heartbreaking trying to explain to him that it wasn't bullying and that it really wasn't that important. But, as those of you with Autistic children already know, this is a fruitless endeavour because it was not as he needed it to be in order to manage.
They all said his spot was somewhere different (because he had left the line to speak to me and change his shoes) to where he had begun and he just could not manage at all with that yesterday. This has never happened before and Dominik has been going to parkour since September so that is an indicator of just how bad he was feeling. It has highlighted to me just how massive his needs are when we are not in 'optimum state'. It has also been kind of a 'blessing' as I have the dreaded DLA paperwork sat in my kitchen waiting to be completed. Sigh. What a soul destroying job that is.
On to Lily then. She is pretty dire too right now. She is having trouble sleeping also. Not quite as bad as Dominik, but about 2 am. She is grumpy, argumentative and easily stressed most of the time if things are not kept calm, predictable and as she likes them to be. This is perhaps even more tiring than Domink if I'm honest. She will not be rushed, she will not be told what to do and she will not participate in anything aside from riding lessons.
I think before Harriet arrived this was fine because when they were up all night, I would be too! We would do all the things we would usually do during the day, at night instead so I felt ok about everything.
But now, obviously, Harriet gets up at around 7 am and I need to be up then too. I have to get to sleep before midnight or I cannot function at all and I start becoming more Aspie by the day and meltdown left right and centre over things that are just not that important (like a crumb on the worktop or a shoe on the floor) . This does not happen when I am doing well! Having the two of them going through a rough patch at the same time is pushing me to my very limit that is for sure.
Hannon however is AMAZING (thank goodness). He is excelling at parkour. Loving his running machine. Utterly focussed on becoming strong, fit and healthy. He is still programming his games with aplomb. He is now learning how to do some video editing and working on improving his spelling, grammar and punctuation (although he doesn't know that!) through his video uploading and responding to peoples comments.
Harriet too is AMAZING! She is above the 75%ile and growing beautifully. She is cruising, landing on her bum, kneeling up, clapping, waving, blowing kisses, almost standing alone and generally enjoying her new found communication skills. She is happy and content, loves being read to and enjoys playing with her big brothers and sister more than me! She also loves to eat although still prefers the breast!
I have just taught myself some basic crochet skills so have made Harriet some leggings and am making her a matching bonnet now. Feeling proud of that!
So, there you have it! Not a bed of roses but still ticking along.
On a final note, I am going to be doing some informal chats at The Avenue support group next week which is from 12.30-2.30 pm on Tuesday, November 17th at The Pentecostal Church, Crab Lane, Biggleswade, Beds, SG18 0LN. If you would like to come along and have a chat please book by sending an email to - theavenuesupport@outlook.com
Thanks for reading,
N x
Tuesday, 9 December 2014
Controversial (or not) Christmas ideas. First published 2014.
I thought I would write a few words about Christmas and how it's going for us this year (and it is an excuse to post a picture of my tree which is, honestly, the best bit for me)!
This is perhaps the most challenging time of year for us families with children (and adults) on the Autistic Spectrum so I thought I would share with you a few of my ideas designed to make life a little less stressful.
It is my hope that they will help things to run more smoothly (and joyously), in your home too during this Christmas Season.
Preparation, Preparation, Preparation.
This cannot be said enough! Prepare to the nth degree!
Let your child create their own special visual timetable (in the form of an advent calendar maybe) so that they can anticipate all the events at school and at home. Let them talk to you about everything that they remember about the changes and how that makes them feel and what they feel they can and cannot cope with.
Enable them to choose, to as large an extent as possible, what they want to participate in and what they don't in the school calendar and respect their wishes. Be the best advocate for child that you can be and ensure that they get the Christmas they want too. Struggling is not a nice way to live at any time but at Christmas, when everyone else is smiling and happy, it must be even worse.
Bribery & Coercion
I think it is all too common that parents begin using Santa (and presents) as a 'carrot/stick' once Christmastime comes around. Children all over the Western world are worrying themselves half to death about their behaviour and whether or not they have been 'good' enough to deserve presents.
It is my firm belief that children will do well if given the environment in which they can do well.
Our special children are already doing their best all the time to manage without breaking down, so at Christmas, when there is so much more at stake, perhaps we should avoid pairing their behaviour with the promise of presents?
A lady told my daughter only the other day that if she 'screamed like that' Santa would hear her and she wouldn't get any presents. Not only was this extremely distressing for my daughter but it was horrible for me too! I do not use this kind of carrot and stick system in my house as a rule (I'm not perfect) and I have to say that to hear it come from a complete stranger was horrifying.
My daughter had been having a difficult (and busy) day and she was getting to the end of her ability to cope (several different shops, in and out of the car, hungry and over-stimulated) and this lady simply made things 100% worse. Sigh.
So, yes, try your hardest to not equate their behaviour with good/bad....they are trying their best.
Shopping/Trips
Please, please, please, unless you have absolutely no choice (or alternatively, they want to come along), let them stay at home! The world is a crappy place for those of us who shun noise, smells, lights, people, being touched and garishness right now! Unless your little one wants to plan a trip (and gets complete autonomy over what happens on that trip, including when to call it quits), don't make them come along.
Visitors
Keep the number of visiting friends and relations to an minimum, or, at the very least, let your child hide out in their room (or in the room that is most comfortable for them) and do not force them to socialise if they don't want to.
As an Aspie adult I can tell you, being made to kiss, hug and chat to people who are basically a load of strangers, is traumatic and exhausting and certainly not 'fun'!
Please be an advocate for your child and warn any visitors, that if they are bringing presents, to expect them to be unwrapped on sight if they are seen by said children! If they do not wish for this to happen then should wait for the opportunity to 'sneak' them in unseen when they can be safely hidden and not add to the anticipation that our children are already feeling with regard to unopened presents.
Also, tell these same visitors what treats/sweets/foods are acceptable in advance so you don't have repeated meltdowns over food.
If you can, decline any invitations that are non-essential. Visiting lots of different homes is stress-inducing due to the amount of unpredictability.
If you do over-do it our little ones will soon unravel and will not have a chance to regroup and recover, and will therefore end up not enjoying the best bits that Christmas has to offer.
Decorating
Allow your child/children to take whatever role they wish in decorating the house and tree (or not). If they are anxious about decorations perhaps put them up as late as you can in family areas and allow any other children to decorate their rooms so that they don't miss out.
I guess you may be curious as to how things are going with my brood in the run up to Christmas this year...well, let me tell you!
So, for those of you with little ones who are at school, I imagine this time of year must be particularly challenging not least because of the following;
- Mufti-days
- Carol Services
- Timetable changes
- Nativity Plays
- Decorations
- Staff absence
to name but a few of the school based changes.
But what about if we include;
- School holidays
- Visiting relatives
- Christmas Trees and decorations
- Furniture being relocated
- Presents (and the accompanying anxiety)
- All predictability vanished
- Extra people everywhere
And perhaps even;
- Parties
- Father Christmas himself
- Family events
- Photo ops
- Different foods
- Different clothes
- An abundance of chocolate/sweets and treats everywhere
- Anxiety at its maximum surrounding the idea of being 'good/well behaved/deserving'
This is perhaps the most challenging time of year for us families with children (and adults) on the Autistic Spectrum so I thought I would share with you a few of my ideas designed to make life a little less stressful.
It is my hope that they will help things to run more smoothly (and joyously), in your home too during this Christmas Season.
Preparation, Preparation, Preparation.
This cannot be said enough! Prepare to the nth degree!
Let your child create their own special visual timetable (in the form of an advent calendar maybe) so that they can anticipate all the events at school and at home. Let them talk to you about everything that they remember about the changes and how that makes them feel and what they feel they can and cannot cope with.
Enable them to choose, to as large an extent as possible, what they want to participate in and what they don't in the school calendar and respect their wishes. Be the best advocate for child that you can be and ensure that they get the Christmas they want too. Struggling is not a nice way to live at any time but at Christmas, when everyone else is smiling and happy, it must be even worse.
Bribery & Coercion
I think it is all too common that parents begin using Santa (and presents) as a 'carrot/stick' once Christmastime comes around. Children all over the Western world are worrying themselves half to death about their behaviour and whether or not they have been 'good' enough to deserve presents.
It is my firm belief that children will do well if given the environment in which they can do well.
Our special children are already doing their best all the time to manage without breaking down, so at Christmas, when there is so much more at stake, perhaps we should avoid pairing their behaviour with the promise of presents?
A lady told my daughter only the other day that if she 'screamed like that' Santa would hear her and she wouldn't get any presents. Not only was this extremely distressing for my daughter but it was horrible for me too! I do not use this kind of carrot and stick system in my house as a rule (I'm not perfect) and I have to say that to hear it come from a complete stranger was horrifying.
My daughter had been having a difficult (and busy) day and she was getting to the end of her ability to cope (several different shops, in and out of the car, hungry and over-stimulated) and this lady simply made things 100% worse. Sigh.
So, yes, try your hardest to not equate their behaviour with good/bad....they are trying their best.
Shopping/Trips
Please, please, please, unless you have absolutely no choice (or alternatively, they want to come along), let them stay at home! The world is a crappy place for those of us who shun noise, smells, lights, people, being touched and garishness right now! Unless your little one wants to plan a trip (and gets complete autonomy over what happens on that trip, including when to call it quits), don't make them come along.
Visitors
Keep the number of visiting friends and relations to an minimum, or, at the very least, let your child hide out in their room (or in the room that is most comfortable for them) and do not force them to socialise if they don't want to.
As an Aspie adult I can tell you, being made to kiss, hug and chat to people who are basically a load of strangers, is traumatic and exhausting and certainly not 'fun'!
Please be an advocate for your child and warn any visitors, that if they are bringing presents, to expect them to be unwrapped on sight if they are seen by said children! If they do not wish for this to happen then should wait for the opportunity to 'sneak' them in unseen when they can be safely hidden and not add to the anticipation that our children are already feeling with regard to unopened presents.
Also, tell these same visitors what treats/sweets/foods are acceptable in advance so you don't have repeated meltdowns over food.
If you can, decline any invitations that are non-essential. Visiting lots of different homes is stress-inducing due to the amount of unpredictability.
If you do over-do it our little ones will soon unravel and will not have a chance to regroup and recover, and will therefore end up not enjoying the best bits that Christmas has to offer.
Decorating
Allow your child/children to take whatever role they wish in decorating the house and tree (or not). If they are anxious about decorations perhaps put them up as late as you can in family areas and allow any other children to decorate their rooms so that they don't miss out.
I guess you may be curious as to how things are going with my brood in the run up to Christmas this year...well, let me tell you!
- I let them choose when to put up the tree and allowed them to dress it with me (spiking my OCD to the max let me tell you!).
- They are able to make a Christmas List the whole year through and add to it and take things away from it right up until December 1st ,when their lists are officially 'closed'. This is the same every year and it seems to work well and helps to avoid any anxiety associated with 'choosing' and being 'rushed' into decisions. (They also know that once December 1st arrives, there are no more 'incidental' treats as all my 'spare' money goes towards making Christmas awesome).
- This year, once Dominik had decided what he wanted, I went and bought it for him straight away and gave it to him. He knows he will only have stocking gifts on Christmas Day now (and any presents that people have managed to sneak past him) and this has enabled Dominik to focus on everyday...the here and now...and not on the 'what might or might not be coming' in x number of days. It is the anticipation for him that is the hardest part of present receiving occasions, particularly Christmas, with the Advent Calendar, people constantly asking about his list, people coming to drop off presents and being offended when he wants to open them in the instant he sees them, and of course, people reminding him to be 'good'. So, as much as I get lots of 'tutting' and 'sighing' from friends and relations, I don't care. He is not spoilt. He is happy and calm. This makes for a happier and calmer time for us all but especially for him. Phew.
I have implemented all of what I have listed above and, touch wood, so far, this has been by far and away the most amazing build up to Christmas there has ever been in my house.
It is a magical time of year so here's hoping it is for all of your families too.
Merry Christmas!
N x
Sunday, 12 October 2014
All because of a Galaxy bar!
I read many stories from other parents (mostly mums) about the abuse they suffer at the hands of their highly resistant Pathologically Demand Avoidant children and to be completely truthful, I tend to sigh and move on quickly as they upset me.
I did think though that it might be useful to describe what happens in my house when Dominik, my PDA eldest son, has a bee in his bonnet about something.
At this current point in time, Dominik's 'bees' tend to be about food or money.
Dominik was once a slim, energetic, active child who pretty much ate what he wanted and didn't gain weight. Well that is not the case anymore. Over the past 18 months, he has slowly become more sedentary and more fixated on unhealthy foods.
I am a conscious shopper. I don't buy snacks as a rule, we don't have chocolate in the house nor do we have jelly sweets, ice cream or fizzy drinks. I buy organic, whole foods and I cook all of our meals form scratch. I get my Abel and Cole box every week and we drink fresh juices and enjoy home made soups on a weekly basis. I also have never had a microwave.
My children's health and well-being is something I take seriously and it is one of my top priorities. I spend plenty of time telling Dominik about essential nutrients and vitamins and we even went so far as to give the main vitamins personalities and characteristics so my children would remember why they were so important!
Well, this is all well and good, but with a PDA child, once the genie is out of the lamp, it is impossible to put it back.
We had a very close friend and neighbour who would regularly turn up at our house with the giant, £1 Galaxy bars and share them with my three. This honestly was not a problem because whilst I may buy very little of the sugar laden foods, I have no problem with others buying it for them. In fact, my mum relishes this part of being a nan!
Yesterday, Dominik decided he wanted a £1 Galaxy bar as he hadn't had one in a very long time. This is true, it has been months since we've indulged in a giant Galaxy, but I still not want him to have one as he had certainly had enough calories for the day already.
I took a stand and said that I would not go to the shop and buy one.
That's when it began. The screaming, the crying, the throwing toys around the room, the ripping my duvet cover off my bed, the hiding under the bed, the swearing, the punching, the 'you hate me', 'you're the worst mum in the world', refusing to have the shower that had already been put off since Thursday....and the list goes on.
Yes, this is hurtful, difficult for my smaller children to witness and downright exhausting (especially after an hour and a half) but I stuck to my guns.
What I often read in these scenarios is that other parents escalate the situation...adding on punishments and retributions for the current round of disruptive (panic/anxiety driven) behaviour whilst it is occurring. I do not do this.
I sit quietly, I maintain eye contact, I speak in a soft voice, I empathise, I reiterate my point and I finally say that I am done talking about the Galaxy bar today.
This is not always guaranteed to work. As I said, this particular event happened over an hour and half at top volume. In the end he went and curled up under my daughters bed. My son went to see if he was ok. He was ignored. My daughter went to see if he was ok. She was ignored. I sent him a text message (which is sometimes the best way to communicate to him that yes, I do care, but no, I will not talk about the issue any more) and I was ignored too.
He eventually came out and instantly complained that none of us cared about him. I pointed out that we had all tried to make him feel better....which he did not acknowledge as being true, but he did drop the subject.
In the end, the meltdown was over and we all got on with our evening. I needed to nip out to the shop and while I was there, I bought him a small Twix.
I took it home and gave it to him. He was over the moon. Full of gratitude and love because even though it wasn't what he had asked for, it was an acknowledgement of his current needs (and in my mind, a reward for moving on relatively quickly from a meltdown). He gave me half of one half. Proud mummy moment which also demonstrates that it is less about the chocolate, and more about the control.
No, it wasn't what he had demanded. Yes, it was small. But, most importantly I think, it left him feeling like he had not lost face. That he was still loved. And that yes, I did indeed care.
I'm sure there are plenty of people who will see this as rewarding 'bad behaviour' but I don't. For me, it was a way to connect with him, even when he is in the dark. He knows that his behaviour is unacceptable (after the event) and he knows that it won't help him achieve his goals (after the event). But he also knows, that I love him, and that if something is reasonable, and not extravagantly over-indulgent, he is likely to get it.
I try not to sweat the small stuff. For us, meltdowns, can become small stuff if they are handled with sensitivity and empathy.
N x
I did think though that it might be useful to describe what happens in my house when Dominik, my PDA eldest son, has a bee in his bonnet about something.
At this current point in time, Dominik's 'bees' tend to be about food or money.
Dominik was once a slim, energetic, active child who pretty much ate what he wanted and didn't gain weight. Well that is not the case anymore. Over the past 18 months, he has slowly become more sedentary and more fixated on unhealthy foods.
I am a conscious shopper. I don't buy snacks as a rule, we don't have chocolate in the house nor do we have jelly sweets, ice cream or fizzy drinks. I buy organic, whole foods and I cook all of our meals form scratch. I get my Abel and Cole box every week and we drink fresh juices and enjoy home made soups on a weekly basis. I also have never had a microwave.
My children's health and well-being is something I take seriously and it is one of my top priorities. I spend plenty of time telling Dominik about essential nutrients and vitamins and we even went so far as to give the main vitamins personalities and characteristics so my children would remember why they were so important!
Well, this is all well and good, but with a PDA child, once the genie is out of the lamp, it is impossible to put it back.
We had a very close friend and neighbour who would regularly turn up at our house with the giant, £1 Galaxy bars and share them with my three. This honestly was not a problem because whilst I may buy very little of the sugar laden foods, I have no problem with others buying it for them. In fact, my mum relishes this part of being a nan!
Yesterday, Dominik decided he wanted a £1 Galaxy bar as he hadn't had one in a very long time. This is true, it has been months since we've indulged in a giant Galaxy, but I still not want him to have one as he had certainly had enough calories for the day already.
I took a stand and said that I would not go to the shop and buy one.
That's when it began. The screaming, the crying, the throwing toys around the room, the ripping my duvet cover off my bed, the hiding under the bed, the swearing, the punching, the 'you hate me', 'you're the worst mum in the world', refusing to have the shower that had already been put off since Thursday....and the list goes on.
Yes, this is hurtful, difficult for my smaller children to witness and downright exhausting (especially after an hour and a half) but I stuck to my guns.
What I often read in these scenarios is that other parents escalate the situation...adding on punishments and retributions for the current round of disruptive (panic/anxiety driven) behaviour whilst it is occurring. I do not do this.
I sit quietly, I maintain eye contact, I speak in a soft voice, I empathise, I reiterate my point and I finally say that I am done talking about the Galaxy bar today.
This is not always guaranteed to work. As I said, this particular event happened over an hour and half at top volume. In the end he went and curled up under my daughters bed. My son went to see if he was ok. He was ignored. My daughter went to see if he was ok. She was ignored. I sent him a text message (which is sometimes the best way to communicate to him that yes, I do care, but no, I will not talk about the issue any more) and I was ignored too.
He eventually came out and instantly complained that none of us cared about him. I pointed out that we had all tried to make him feel better....which he did not acknowledge as being true, but he did drop the subject.
In the end, the meltdown was over and we all got on with our evening. I needed to nip out to the shop and while I was there, I bought him a small Twix.
I took it home and gave it to him. He was over the moon. Full of gratitude and love because even though it wasn't what he had asked for, it was an acknowledgement of his current needs (and in my mind, a reward for moving on relatively quickly from a meltdown). He gave me half of one half. Proud mummy moment which also demonstrates that it is less about the chocolate, and more about the control.
No, it wasn't what he had demanded. Yes, it was small. But, most importantly I think, it left him feeling like he had not lost face. That he was still loved. And that yes, I did indeed care.
I'm sure there are plenty of people who will see this as rewarding 'bad behaviour' but I don't. For me, it was a way to connect with him, even when he is in the dark. He knows that his behaviour is unacceptable (after the event) and he knows that it won't help him achieve his goals (after the event). But he also knows, that I love him, and that if something is reasonable, and not extravagantly over-indulgent, he is likely to get it.
I try not to sweat the small stuff. For us, meltdowns, can become small stuff if they are handled with sensitivity and empathy.
N x
Dominik in Portugal with his precious 7Up!
Friday, 3 October 2014
Holiday Review
So, back in January, after a year of hard saving, my mum and I finally booked a holiday to Portugal. Albufeira to be exact. For me, the three little ones and her.
Now, those of you who have been blessed with the challenges of having special needs kiddos will understand when I say that finding a holiday that met all of our needs was not easy! Firstly we needed to fly from a local airport (Luton for us), at reasonable flight times (no red eye flights), with a shortish flight, at a quiet time of year, to a secluded, secure resort with no horrendously long transfers.
Long gone are the days when I can just walk into a travel agent, ask what they have available within a certain price range and just go with it! Oh no! Now it is a military style operation! However, all that being said, it worked out almost perfectly!
We booked with Thompson in the end. We chose a private villa with a pool (not too deep and not too big), a short walk from a beach, close to amenities, with enough room for 8 people across 4 bedrooms! We also booked a hire car. This is not the cheapest way to go on holiday and it is the first time that I have ever been on a villa break but I was not disappointed.
Before I tell you about the holiday, let me tell you about some of the things I did to prepare the children.
We went swimming a lot!
We looked at pictures of the villa and aeroplanes (toilets and all) a lot!
We did dummy runs of the airport procedures.
We bought chewing gum.
We bought tablet computers.
We bought ear defenders.
We bought comfortable slippers for Dominik as he refuses to wear shoes.
We bought headphones.
We bought boiled sweets.
We bought travel games.
We agreed who would sit near the windows in advance.
We agreed who would sit in the front of the hire car in advance.
We took drinks and snacks.
We checked in online.
We visited our homoeopath for calming remedies.
And finally we booked disability assistance.
Ok, the holiday!
The kids were obviously very excited and they are all old enough now that I can't bluff about when an exciting event is going to occur so I was prepared for them to have trouble sleeping the night before our 8.20am flight. We left the house at 5.45am with bleary eyes and butterflies in our tummies (mine were obviously for totally different reasons than theirs). They were sleepy in the taxi so were quiet and calm but as soon as we arrived at Luton they woke up! The fresh air, the noisy planes, the busy airport brought them all to attention!
We went straight to baggage drop to request our disability assistance. Well, there arises our first 'bump'. There was no record of the request! The lady at baggage drop tried her best and did manage to give us priority boarding which was something, it did not however help us navigate security!
Security was by far the most stressful part of the Luton portion of our journey. The queues were long, hot, slow and boring! My eldest child, Dominik (aged 10) could not bear the proximity of all those people and to make matters worse, he was asked to remove his ear defenders. :-( He did comply but it was incredibly stressful for him and he needed to sit down quietly and catch his breath before we could move forward through to the departure lounge.
I guess thankfully, the security process was so slow, we had no time to do anything apart from grab a quick snack (Krispy Kreme doughnuts) and head to our gate. The gate was a fair walk away but the promise of the aeroplane kept us all moving.
We did get our priority boarding...well, kind of....if you class it as being put on the bus first and then having to wait for it to fill up and then moving to the plane with everyone else!
We boarded the plane and found our seats (no problems there), we settled in for take off (no problems there) and we enjoyed a completely stress free flight. Yay! :-)
Once we arrived at Faro, things started well. No queues at Passport Control and straight through to baggage collection. Hmmm, well, baggage collection was a 40 minute wait. It is now 11.15am and hot! We don't have any more snacks and we have run out of juice. There is nowhere to buy any so my mum and I are wishing the bags through quickly! They eventually arrive and we move through to Arrivals looking for our rep.
We find her and discover that we need to get a bus to the hire car shop. This was unexpected. We were expecting to just go to a desk, pick up the keys and away we go! Nope. The mini bus can only hold 8 people and there is only one running. We can't get on the first one so we wait approximately 30 minutes for the next. Sigh. Hot, hungry, tired, thirsty children abound. No distraction is working now as their tablets are all out of batteries and they are simply too excited to be calmed. They run up and down, scream at each other, play in the wheel chairs (oops) and generally annoy everyone.
So, we arrive at the hire car venue and the wait is another 40 minutes (and a ridiculous amount of hidden costs) before we get our car.
We get in our car after the children have let off some more steam (playing hide and seek, shouting through traffic cones, chatting to random strangers and screaming about how long it is taking) and we're on our way.
And you guessed it, we get lost. :-( A journey which should take 30 minutes takes closer to 1 hour and 30 minutes.
We're all still hungry, hot, thirsty and tired but we do make it to the villa at about 3.45pm. That is ten hours travelling. Exhausting to say the least!
But so worthwhile once the kids threw themselves into the cool pool and started their holiday!
The first afternoon was trouble free but by the time it was dinner time things were a bit fractious! I guess the exhaustion set in and everyone had a short fuse. Needless to say, we all had an early night!
Rather than ramble on about each day, I am just going to talk about notable events.
1 - Day three was tough. Dominik had realised that there was no internet in the villa, that he was miles away from all that was familiar, that mosquito bites are annoying and that it was warm in the sunshine! He went to bed after lunch and did not wake up until it was dinner time. This is his was of coping with large amounts of stress and sensory overload. I first noticed this defence mechanism when we travelled home from Peru. As soon as we got on the plane for the 13 hour flight, he went to sleep and slept the entire time! The trauma of leaving our home, his dad, the first, internal flight and the 24 hour delay in our leaving (a whole other story!) sent him over the edge...the same happened in Portugal. He simply needed to recharge and regroup. Such an important and valuable skill for all children, not just those with special needs.
2 - We did not force Dominik to come out for dinner with us every night and my mum and I took it in turns taking the little ones out for dinner. We allowed them to choose where and what we ate at all times.
3 - The middle of the week was by far the best section of the holiday. They were all confident in the pool by now and were able to swim a few lengths no problem. They understood the sun cream drill! They had their water toys (dive sticks, snorkels, lilos, goggles, etc) and were enjoying playing all the different challenge games we could come up with (running across the lilos, swimming under the lilos, standing up on the lilos, forward rolls, backward rolls, hand stands, how many people could fit on a lilo and the list goes on).
4 - Dominik had one major meltdown on the Saturday afternoon. I think by now he was tired and ready to go home (we left early Sunday am) as he knew it was close. I think this is down to the idea of transitioning again. He had just gotten used to it and now it was time to leave. He was very emotional after the meltdown had ended and he was cursing his Aspieness openly (which he rarely does). We talked about it for a while and he eventually agreed to come out to dinner and we all had a brilliant last night. I am SO proud of his self-control, his stamina and his willingness to try again.
The journey home was completely incident free and quite nice really! We were all ready to leave and we were looking forward to getting home!
Now we are home, life has been nice. :-) The children are loving having their rooms and toys and consoles back. Dominik is loving having the internet at his fingertips once more! And I am glad to be back in my own bed.
So, if you're thinking of taking your special kiddos on holiday....go for it! It was totally worth it and I cannot wait to do it again!
Just remember: preparation, patience and praise!
Thanks for reading.
N x
Now, those of you who have been blessed with the challenges of having special needs kiddos will understand when I say that finding a holiday that met all of our needs was not easy! Firstly we needed to fly from a local airport (Luton for us), at reasonable flight times (no red eye flights), with a shortish flight, at a quiet time of year, to a secluded, secure resort with no horrendously long transfers.
Long gone are the days when I can just walk into a travel agent, ask what they have available within a certain price range and just go with it! Oh no! Now it is a military style operation! However, all that being said, it worked out almost perfectly!
We booked with Thompson in the end. We chose a private villa with a pool (not too deep and not too big), a short walk from a beach, close to amenities, with enough room for 8 people across 4 bedrooms! We also booked a hire car. This is not the cheapest way to go on holiday and it is the first time that I have ever been on a villa break but I was not disappointed.
Before I tell you about the holiday, let me tell you about some of the things I did to prepare the children.
We went swimming a lot!
We looked at pictures of the villa and aeroplanes (toilets and all) a lot!
We did dummy runs of the airport procedures.
We bought chewing gum.
We bought tablet computers.
We bought ear defenders.
We bought comfortable slippers for Dominik as he refuses to wear shoes.
We bought headphones.
We bought boiled sweets.
We bought travel games.
We agreed who would sit near the windows in advance.
We agreed who would sit in the front of the hire car in advance.
We took drinks and snacks.
We checked in online.
We visited our homoeopath for calming remedies.
And finally we booked disability assistance.
Ok, the holiday!
The kids were obviously very excited and they are all old enough now that I can't bluff about when an exciting event is going to occur so I was prepared for them to have trouble sleeping the night before our 8.20am flight. We left the house at 5.45am with bleary eyes and butterflies in our tummies (mine were obviously for totally different reasons than theirs). They were sleepy in the taxi so were quiet and calm but as soon as we arrived at Luton they woke up! The fresh air, the noisy planes, the busy airport brought them all to attention!
We went straight to baggage drop to request our disability assistance. Well, there arises our first 'bump'. There was no record of the request! The lady at baggage drop tried her best and did manage to give us priority boarding which was something, it did not however help us navigate security!
Security was by far the most stressful part of the Luton portion of our journey. The queues were long, hot, slow and boring! My eldest child, Dominik (aged 10) could not bear the proximity of all those people and to make matters worse, he was asked to remove his ear defenders. :-( He did comply but it was incredibly stressful for him and he needed to sit down quietly and catch his breath before we could move forward through to the departure lounge.
I guess thankfully, the security process was so slow, we had no time to do anything apart from grab a quick snack (Krispy Kreme doughnuts) and head to our gate. The gate was a fair walk away but the promise of the aeroplane kept us all moving.
We did get our priority boarding...well, kind of....if you class it as being put on the bus first and then having to wait for it to fill up and then moving to the plane with everyone else!
We boarded the plane and found our seats (no problems there), we settled in for take off (no problems there) and we enjoyed a completely stress free flight. Yay! :-)
Once we arrived at Faro, things started well. No queues at Passport Control and straight through to baggage collection. Hmmm, well, baggage collection was a 40 minute wait. It is now 11.15am and hot! We don't have any more snacks and we have run out of juice. There is nowhere to buy any so my mum and I are wishing the bags through quickly! They eventually arrive and we move through to Arrivals looking for our rep.
We find her and discover that we need to get a bus to the hire car shop. This was unexpected. We were expecting to just go to a desk, pick up the keys and away we go! Nope. The mini bus can only hold 8 people and there is only one running. We can't get on the first one so we wait approximately 30 minutes for the next. Sigh. Hot, hungry, tired, thirsty children abound. No distraction is working now as their tablets are all out of batteries and they are simply too excited to be calmed. They run up and down, scream at each other, play in the wheel chairs (oops) and generally annoy everyone.
So, we arrive at the hire car venue and the wait is another 40 minutes (and a ridiculous amount of hidden costs) before we get our car.
We get in our car after the children have let off some more steam (playing hide and seek, shouting through traffic cones, chatting to random strangers and screaming about how long it is taking) and we're on our way.
And you guessed it, we get lost. :-( A journey which should take 30 minutes takes closer to 1 hour and 30 minutes.
We're all still hungry, hot, thirsty and tired but we do make it to the villa at about 3.45pm. That is ten hours travelling. Exhausting to say the least!
But so worthwhile once the kids threw themselves into the cool pool and started their holiday!
The first afternoon was trouble free but by the time it was dinner time things were a bit fractious! I guess the exhaustion set in and everyone had a short fuse. Needless to say, we all had an early night!
Rather than ramble on about each day, I am just going to talk about notable events.
1 - Day three was tough. Dominik had realised that there was no internet in the villa, that he was miles away from all that was familiar, that mosquito bites are annoying and that it was warm in the sunshine! He went to bed after lunch and did not wake up until it was dinner time. This is his was of coping with large amounts of stress and sensory overload. I first noticed this defence mechanism when we travelled home from Peru. As soon as we got on the plane for the 13 hour flight, he went to sleep and slept the entire time! The trauma of leaving our home, his dad, the first, internal flight and the 24 hour delay in our leaving (a whole other story!) sent him over the edge...the same happened in Portugal. He simply needed to recharge and regroup. Such an important and valuable skill for all children, not just those with special needs.
2 - We did not force Dominik to come out for dinner with us every night and my mum and I took it in turns taking the little ones out for dinner. We allowed them to choose where and what we ate at all times.
3 - The middle of the week was by far the best section of the holiday. They were all confident in the pool by now and were able to swim a few lengths no problem. They understood the sun cream drill! They had their water toys (dive sticks, snorkels, lilos, goggles, etc) and were enjoying playing all the different challenge games we could come up with (running across the lilos, swimming under the lilos, standing up on the lilos, forward rolls, backward rolls, hand stands, how many people could fit on a lilo and the list goes on).
4 - Dominik had one major meltdown on the Saturday afternoon. I think by now he was tired and ready to go home (we left early Sunday am) as he knew it was close. I think this is down to the idea of transitioning again. He had just gotten used to it and now it was time to leave. He was very emotional after the meltdown had ended and he was cursing his Aspieness openly (which he rarely does). We talked about it for a while and he eventually agreed to come out to dinner and we all had a brilliant last night. I am SO proud of his self-control, his stamina and his willingness to try again.
The journey home was completely incident free and quite nice really! We were all ready to leave and we were looking forward to getting home!
Now we are home, life has been nice. :-) The children are loving having their rooms and toys and consoles back. Dominik is loving having the internet at his fingertips once more! And I am glad to be back in my own bed.
So, if you're thinking of taking your special kiddos on holiday....go for it! It was totally worth it and I cannot wait to do it again!
Just remember: preparation, patience and praise!
Thanks for reading.
N x
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